Post # 1
My fiance and I just got engaged yesterday, he’s planned it all. I find it incredibly romantic, and a kind gesture… he even included the part where we are getting married December 1st. ( I know ) Crazy!
Here is the problem… my fiance and I were looking for a new place to live, and we finally found “the one”. I was living with my mom until I had a nice finacial cushion, and the keys to the new home. I broke the news to my mother of moving out Wednesday… she kicks me out Thursday. (Thanksgiving) My fiances proposes Friday. (He had this planned ages ago) My parents actually love my fiance… family trips, presents etc. My mom just mentally snapped when she realized I was leaving the nest. We have had issues in the past when it came to me growing up… driver’s license, losing my virginity, going to college, dating seriously with my now fiance… all those topics ended in a seriously heated arguement.
Here is my dilemma, I told my mother the good news of the proposal, and she honestly sounded like her dog just died. She simply asks when I am going to pick up the rest of my furniture, and when everything will be gone. I was crushed. Brutally crushed. I know the timing isnt perfect, not in the slightest. He picked to get married on December 1st, because that would also be our “move in day”. The beginning of the rest of our lives all on one day.
So December 1st is only 7 days away, and I can’t help but want to cry and jump for joy all at once. I want my mother there, regardless of her “tough love” attitude. But, a part of me doesn’t want her depressing attitude putting a damper on my big day. I know I would regret it if she were never there, but I would always remember how her attitude was. I am not sure which would hurt more.
Please send some advice my way, and if you are curious, I am 22. I couldn’t ask for a better man in my life, I feel completely blessed. The option of moving the wedding is not in the cards, he already has a venue, minister, etc. (All of which, I approve of) for our day. All that’s missing is my family.
Post # 3
Well apparently your Mother has issues with letting go. That is natural, but apparently she is not good at handling it. I am afraid, based on her history, that is NOT going to change in time for your wedding. I am curious as to what’s the big rush though!
Post # 4
@trueblue14: My fiance is really big into the hopeless romantic business, and we both thought it was a nice idea to have it on December 1st (our move in day for our new home). He planned it all, I just need a dress. Not pregnant or anything of that nature, just found it sweet to have December 1st be the start of the rest of our lives.
Post # 5
Maybe your mother would feel a bit better about things if she had got to help plan the wedding. Getting married is a major milestone, that parents look forward to as their child entire life. This might not be what you want to hear but I don’t know if getting married while you are on the out’s with you mom is a good idea. It seems liike 7 days wont be enough time for her to get over the shock.
Post # 6
Why don’t you get married December 1 next year? On the anniversary of your move in day? It’s just seems like you have a lot going on, too much to enjoy your wedding right now. I don’t understand the big rush. You’re only 22. If you wait a year you’ll only be 23. Slow it down. Might not be the advice you want to hear, but there you have it.
Post # 7
@Asaloraa: Had your mom been expecting you to get engaged and to get married so sooon? It may in part be that you are moving out combined with the getting married so quickly. She may be upset that you’re not having a wedding or that she’s not included, I’m assuming your eloping.
Post # 8
Don’t change your plans for your mom. It sounds like your FI did a lot of work for you and you shouldn’t throw that away. I say invite your mom to lunch in a day or two and tell her that you love her so much and she will always be so important to you and you will always need her in your life and you need her on your special day. Tell her that even though she may not approve of all the changes happening right now she will regret not coming to your wedding and you will always be sad that she wasn’t there for you on your wedding day. It sounds like you really want her there so stress that to her, make her feel like she is needed and that you will always need her no matter what. It sounds like she needs to be needed so make her needed, ask her to help you pick out your dress maybe. I hope it all works out for you but just remember even if she doesn’t show up this is your and your FI’s day and you two are the only ones that matter so if she doesn’t show up it’s going to suck but the most important people will be there.
Post # 9
First of all, congratulations to you and your fiance! As for your mom…that’s a tough situation. And it’s heartbreaking. I am dealing with a similarly unsupportive mother and sister and it’s been very difficult. I think that alyssaC is right. Don’t change your plans for your mom, but do let her know that you love her and that you would like her to be there. Your mom has some major control issues and those aren’t going to go away whether you get married on December 1st, 2012 or December 1st 2057. She isn’t going to be happy about this at any point. If you try to placate your mom now by postponing the wedding, etc., you’re also sending her the message that it’s okay for her to bully you and your fiance. And that pattern will most definitely continue on into your marriage. You guys deserve a lot more than that. Best of luck to you!
Post # 10
I had a difficult time with my mother, too. She has major control issues about everything. (The adolescence years were rough for our relationship. In fact, I stopped talking to her completely and chose to live with my dad when they separated.) *hugs* Do what you and your FI want most. It’ll be tough to do your own thing but you have to remember, you’re going to spend the rest of your live with FI not your mother.