unsure about fiance

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1117 posts
Bumble bee

eat45fresh:  this sounds like a lot more than just pre wedding nerves. I’m afraid I don’t have any practical advice other than you need to talk to him and discuss all of this with him but I’m not sure how you do that with someone that sounds so untalkative. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life feeling like this? I don’t think I could marry someone if I didn’t feel like he cared about me anymore.

Post # 3
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

yes, i think you definitely need to talk with him. there seems to be a lot going on here. i think it’s ALWAYS a red flag when you have a healthy relationship wit your parents, but they do not approve of your relationship. 

he seems like he just doesn’t care much about the relationship. but i’d suggest having a talk and figuring out what YOU want from this first. are you feeling pressure to get married, or do you actually WANT to marry this guy? good luck!

Post # 4
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

Only one thing you said here really matters, you said that when he upsets you he doesn’t apologize or care. That to me, is a huge red flag and an absolute deal breaker. 

Post # 5
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


eat45fresh:  These feelings are legitimate. Do not marry this man until you have sorted this out. To be honest, you really aren’t making it sound like he’s the big love of your life or anything. And that IS the way you should feel about the man you are about to marry. Don’t do it.

Post # 6
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Time to re-evaluate why you are with him and what positives he brings into your life. The fact that he is cold & uncaring, rude to your parents and dismissive of your feelings all tell me that he isn’t the best candidate for marriage. You should never have to wonder how your husband feels about you. Sorry but I wouldn’t go through with it and doom myself to this life.

Post # 7
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015


If you are that unsure about him (which is sounds like you are) then see what he says when you talk to him. If he acts like he doesn’t care then be up front and tell him you don’t think it is the right time to be engaged. If he is still cold then clearly you have some things to think about. If he is sincere and understanding then see what you both need to do to make it work.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Kendrao.
Post # 8
45 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Florian Gardens

It is always an adjustment moving in with someone. When I moved in with Mr. Farmer it was a very instense adjusment. We argued a lot and had a LOT of misunderstandings. However once we got past the first month or two, everything has been perfect. We have a better relationship now than we did when we were long distance. I think it’s natural to get a little nervous before the big day however what you are describing makes me wonder if there is something deeper going on. 

I would sit down and have a serious conversation with your FI before you get married. It might put your mind at ease to hear what he has to say. Maybe he has some things on his mind he needs to talk about too. Good luck!

Post # 9
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

eat45fresh:  what you are saying sounds concerning. Are there good times together, or is it all bad like what you describe? It may be worthwhile to do some counseling and figure out where you want to be. Also there’s no rush, if you’re not sure, you can put off your wedding. It’s easy to get married but much harder to get divorced. 

Post # 10
5818 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

eat45fresh:  How old are you two?

Sounds like you had an okay relationship that you hung on to while you were going through a tough transition to a new situation (and he was afraid he was going to lose you, so he proposed). But you (and he) have changed in the time apart. SOunds like the difference have come out and it’s just time to move on. He is not your guy. There is anothe guy who you wont be fighting with all the time, who will tell you everyday how beautiful you are. 

Post # 11
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

eat45fresh:  why do your parents not like him? I think that is really sad they tried to make an effort and he ignored them.

It is also a huge adjustment to live with someone, especially coming from Long Distance. It is a drastic change, but i agree with PP who said it sounds like there is more to this than an adjustment period. Don’t forget that sometimes people change while doing long distance. Especially in college, you both may not be the same people you were when you left. 

Post # 13
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You guys had a pretty short engagement after spending much of your relationship apart. Maybe postpone the wedding until you can figure out your relationship? Have you spoken with him about your feelings? Maybe he is feeling similar.

Post # 15
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

eat45fresh:  Parents not likeing your SO is a huge red flag for me.  Unless their reason is ridciulous, or your relationship with your parents is not good, parents reactions to SOs can tell you alot.  My parents liked the IDEA of my now DH more than they liked my ex.  That along with the way you are feeling would be enough for me to rethink my relationship, and at least hault the wedding for now. 

Even with the embarasment, weddings are a heck of a lot easier toget out of than maraige.

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