Post # 1
Not sure what I should do about this coming weekend:
My in-laws want DH and I to come up this weekend to visit with his elderly great aunt and uncle. They want to meet me and they are from out of state and in their 80s/90s. They won't be there until 5:30 on Saturday. DH's parents/family live 2 hours away from us.
DH's brother who lives in our town too(just moved) will most likely come up with his younger girlfriend too. Well that would make for a full house, I don't know where everyone would sleep. It's tight when both the brother/gf, and my DH and I come at the same time, since he also has two other siblings and then the parents. If you add an aunt/uncle, I am not sure where everyone would sleep! I think there would be two people without places to sleep. So I am really not sure if we should even sleep up there. I also think that's pretty late in the day that they arrive, so it almost makes sense to go up only on Saturday and come back late that night, or come up Sunday and back on Sunday. Of course his family would expect us to sleep there, I think. My own parents live about 45 mins to an hour from his hometown, it's possible he or I could sleep there(but I kind of want to avoid going home).
Also, I am a little annoyed that DH and his little brother(middle school age) want to *shoot guns* on Sunday. Well the little brother does. Plus, I had heard his other brother saying how his great uncle would shoot guns with them, etc. Um, I am so annoyed that DH's family is so into gun shooting and so is the middleschooler! (I don't believe kids should be shooting guns nor playing airsoft guns, either) Also, I am not sure what I would do for two or 3 hours while they shoot guns.
I don't like the fact that I would be left alone with nothing to do, and left with my MIL and the great aunt for that long. I get along with my MIL for the most part but she is a bit domineering and tries to tell me what to do/bossy. In fact, we got in a little fight(I was upset/crying) the last time the family got together(relatives) the weekend before last. We have had problems in the past, but never when we were both physically together/there. This is the first time it came out between us(at the dinner table when she sat right next to me and was trying to tell me what to do again). I do feel bad because it caused his grandma and aunt/uncle to comfort me/calm me down and they gave me support. (My own MIL doesn't get along with HER MIL/DH's grandma). So anyways, I did eventually apologize to my MIL for overreacting and feeling extra sensitive that day through a text message, although my friend thought she should apologize to me first. (She never apologizes to me). I smoothed things over though and am proud of myself for doing so. I do like her, don't get me wrong. It's just that sometimes we have issues. It's weird. (As his grandma states, I took her baby boy away from her) (A long time ago I even had issues with my BIL until we got married. He used to not really acknowledge me ever before that, on purpose) Anyways, I don't really want to be left alone on Sunday in his house with nothing to do, and/or with my MIL. I'm sure things would be fine but it's just uncomfortable and boring for me.
My DH says to come with them to the gunrange, and that's something I REALLY DON'T want to do either. The only other option I can think of is leaving on Sunday, and going to my parents and then driving back up and getting him later. Or sleeping at my house late Saturday night(after visiting with his relatives on Saturday evening), drive up Sunday night and get him. Or I could just not go and stay home alone all weekend in our apartment(not a very good option, because I hate being alone and my apartments depressing). And the other option is to just do everything being asked of me: go to inlaws to meet his relatives, spend time with his family, stay there overnight and most of Sunday, hangout with MIL /alone while they go to the gunrange, etc...so the grin and bear it option. BTW, I am usually pretty quiet, shy, reserved and feel a bit out of place at his house. I don't think I would get in a fight with his mom again, at the most she would just tell me her opinion of what my DH and I should do, etc(her bossy/domineering side coming out). Of course I am leaning to the grin and bear it thing, especially to make in-laws and DH happy.
Anyways, just looking for advice, I guess.
Post # 3
Honestly, I didn’t read your entire post because it was too difficult to read without being broken down into paragraphs. But my opinion probably wouldn’t change if I had read it all: SUCK IT UP AND TRY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, even if it’s not ideal. It’s only for 1-2 days max, it’s not like they’re asking you to visit for a month. Just go, plaster on a smile, bring a good book to read, try to grab a glass of wine if you start feeling tense, you’ll earn brownie points for being a good DIL and you’ll be home before you know it!
Post # 4
@CanAmBride: I have to agree with you
Post # 5
What I got from this post was that you didn’t want to go because it wasn’t what you wanted to do. First, many families shoot, it’s a sport (not sure where you are from) and can be done safely. Sounds like your DH just wants to spend time with his little brother and the rest of his family? Could you guys go on Saturday and for the lack of room say your also going to take advantage of being in the area and go visit your parents? That way you are with your DH on Saturday, spend the night with your parents, and then come back and get him if his family makes you that uncomfortable? Part of being married is doing things for the other person even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable at times, it’s his family.
Post # 6
I agree with the others, I think you should go. I’m sure your husband does some things with your family that he doesn’t really want to, but you’re married so that’s just what you have to do now. I feel like they wouldn’t invite you to stay the night if you had no place to sleep. And it does suck that you don’t always get along with your MIL, but maybe you can use this time to try to find something in common and bond a little.
Post # 7
Umm its only a day or 2. And they are your in laws! Suck it up, put a smile on, and spend some time with them. It will be over before you know it.
Post # 8
Honestly, you have to suck it up. You are married to their son and you need to spend time with his family. Saying that you don’t want to go because you don’t know where you will sleep is grasping at straws in my opinion. Sleep on the floor, on a couch, or on a recliner. Just because a bed isn’t available doesn’t mean you will have no where to sleep. If there is only one bed, the elderly aunt and uncle should have it. Bring a pillow and a sleeping bag with you.
As far as shooting guns, honestly, like a PP said, it’s a sport and can be done safely. I don’t like guns either, but my DH has one in our house and sometimes will go to a range to shoot it. As long as he is safe about it, then I can live with it.
Maybe this is a good time to get to know your in laws a little better and try to get a long with them. If you go there and act like you don’t want to be there, though, that will not help the situation. MIL’s are usually bossy and try to tell you what to do. Just nod and tell her you’ll consider it, then forget it. Just because she says it doesn’t mean you have to take it seriously. Try to have a good time. They are your family now, too. It’s only a few days, it isn’t like you have to do it for a month.
Post # 9
You really only seem to be thinking about YOURSELF in this situation.
You don’t want to go because of your MIL and there may not be somewhere for you to sleep (I am sure they will figure it out or they wouldn’t have invited you).
You don’t want to be left alone with your MIl while your DH goes shooting because it will be awkward and boring. You are choosing not to go with him but you are unhappy with the your only other options.
You don’t want to go home because your trying to avoid your family.
and finally you don’t want to stay home because you don’t like being alone.
What about your DH spending time with his family and doing something he enjoys with his little brother? Relationships are all about compromise not about your DH rearranging his life so you are always entertained and not lonely.
Post # 10
I didn’t read the other advice – but, here’s what I think you should do:
Think about your husband, his feelings, and put on a happy face.
I’m sure it’s tough for him to know you don’t really like his family and/or his mom and/or what his family does for fun (the gun thing).
I would psyche myself up to be as pleasant as possible and make all the ladies in his family fall in love with me.
Your husband will be relieved that he doesn’t have to worry about you and can enjoy the time with his family.
Also – don’t worry so much about the sleeping arrangements… will you have a good night’s sleep? Probably not … but that’s not the point of going up there… it’s so everyone can be together.
I’d also focus on the fact that it’s just one night and one afternoon… and then you can go back to your life with DH.
Sometimes putting in time with the in-laws is just something that needs to be done. And while I don’t think you are going to be BFF’s with his mom, perhaps she’ll surprise you and you might even enjoy her company.
Whenever my MIL gets annoying, I just remind myself that if it weren’t for her, DH wouldn’t be alive…. and that somehow softens any angst I may feel.
Post # 11
@CanAmBride: It was broken up into paragraphs, but for some reason the board messed up when it posted it.
Post # 12
@starry:Yes I am sorry but I agree with the others. My DH does MANY things for me only and for my family and friends that I am sure he doesn’t want to do and vice versa. We are married, a unit, a team and you do that for each other and I am sure you know this already. I understand you said you are shy and reserved, so am I. However, you need to break out of that shell and open yourself up to his MIL and family, so you can get to know each other better. You are going to be with them for quite some time now.
I am sorry, I feel its unfair to be annoyed with DH for wanting to go shooting. He obviously did this prior to getting married and even knowing you and it is something his family does. I understand YOU don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean he has to not like it or do it anymore. Before DH I was very uncomfortable with guns, mainly bc I was never around them and had no knowledge of them. Well DH is an avid collector and shooter and has been since he was about 8 years old and honestly we have about 20 guns in our house. He has trained me and taught me and really, its something fun we do togethor now.
I am sure its a moot point now as it is the weekend but really, I think you need to just put your pride and feelings aside and do this for your husband.
Post # 13
The last time DH and I went to visit his family, they had an all out air soft game for about 5 hours. It’s not exactly my cup of tea. Correction, it’s NOT my cup of tea. lol However, it’s his family and it was something they enjoy doing together. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but his family shouldn’t stop doing things they enjoy just because you don’t like/agree with those things. And, you might as well get used to staying there, because as married couple, that’s something you’re going to have to deal with for the rest of your married life.
I undestand the different dynamics of families. I’m all about schedules and plans and his family makes decisions at the last second. Drives me insane, yes…but, that’s just how the are. It wasn’t until I learned to relax and accept their way of doing things until I learned how to have fun with them.