- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
Well this is the first time i am posting on wedding bee and hopefully you guys can help me put some stuff into perspective.
FH and I met while we both were in a foreign country at a home of his relative who had hosted our delegation. Prior to meeting him I had no intention of taking the leap and after meeting him there was a very strong connection. Our first meeting is often a favourite story with our families because he too was quite adamant to remain single.
So after a few days I mailed him a few pictures we had taken with the group at the home of his family and he replied…then i replied…then he replied…and it became long emails discussing everything and anything. We discovered that we had many things in common and enjoyed each others views and opinions. After 15days of meeting me and emailing, instant messaging and skyping, he decided to tell me he loves me. I knew, at that time, that he was the most amazing man I had ever met, I’m 25 and he’s 30 and we both spent all our lives away from relationships, I was his first and he was mine. In our religion it is forbidden to date and we both made a clear intention that we were to marry. I knew his family, extended and close and I knew they were good people, his brother was actually one of my best friends at the time.I prayed my ritual prayers, he did too and we grew very close over the months that went by. I never felt the distance, he was with me everywhere I went.
In june he told his family about us, that he has met someone he wants to marry, they were excited and they flew over to my country to visit me and my family after a month and we were formally engaged. In this time, from february to june, we shared everything and had the most romantic time. Reading back on our emails makes me cry coz i miss it so much.
It all began to change after the engagement, calls became less to eventually nothing, skype became a chore for him, emails were almost never and chatting was almost forced. The fights started, we did have a few before but nothing like the ones we have now. Its constant unhappiness and i feel almost abandoned. His family is amazing, i love them to bits, my family dotes on him, but within all this there is (i feel) a huge gap between us.
The fights have become so many that I dont even know what we fight about anymore, and he doesnt initiate reconciliation or apologise. If i dont start speaking then he wouldnt bother, if i dont say im sorry or send him a funny joke after a fight then i dont think we would speak. This was the man who would send me songs at midnight to listen to, the same man who shared everything with me from his childhood to now…the same man who discussed philosophy, poetry, current affairs with me…the same man who would call me and speak in a funny voice to make me laugh after we had a disagreement…now its nothing…just bickering.
I love him, Ive never felt this way before and its daunting…I cant turn to family or friends coz Im not that sort of person…I always ‘keep it together’…and my family would automatically assume its my fault (yeah, i have issues).
I think the survival instinct kicked in and I want to run away from this and pretend it never happened, carry on with my life. I have told him I want to call the wedding off and move on and thats when he decides to start giving me attention. Today we had a huge argument which started off after I said it would be nice if he showed abit more interest in me and initiated conversations and gave constructive replies because its hard to continue a conversation when the reply I usually get is ‘ok’.
He responded by saying that ‘Not msging u every minute of day is treating u bad n its not the first time u said that , u said before when I didn’t send email that I treat u like crap, its v annoying to hear that after everything I do n if u just gonna keep saying I’m treating u bad if I don’t send msg 100 times a day then find someone who can treat u better !!!’
I replied saying’fine i will’ and I havent heard from him as yet. I know its stupid but I want to be sort after…given some attention, some love and care, all the little things he used to do are gone. I tried reminding him by saying ‘do u remember when u said blah blah blah, it was so cute’…and no effect, just a ‘hmm’…
Ive tried everything to keep this relationship alive, sent ecards, gifts via post, poems I wrote for him, bringing up topics I know he likes…I started panicking because I was running out of ideas until I realised that its not supposed to be this way. I feel unappreciated…sort of like I have to do everything and when I ask for something in return then its as if I am ungrateful..
Should I walk…the thought of it squeezes my heart till i cant breathe…should I…Should I…