Post # 1
My guy and I had a very brief conversation about our future last night, it came up after I was telling him about some of my parents financial troubles. He had said “I mean, your my future wife. Were going to be sharing expenses sooner or later.” **I feel very strongly about keeping finances separate until we are engaged/ married (we’ve even discused pre-nups, which I am 100% IN FAVOR of). I mean, I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of mixing finances without the proper things in order, as I HATE feeling indebted.** anyway, he made the comment that we are more like fiancÃ©es than a dating couple. He even sugessted we call each other our fiancee. He has said the only thing holding him back from proposing is that he wants to surprise me… And that it will happen before our next anniversary.
I was really excited about the idea. now I kind of feel that this let’s him off the hook for proposing…. I really do just want to be his fiancÃ©e though. I still would feel weird if i told people we were engaged and they asked where my ring was. I don’t need a ring, but we come from a very traditional southern town. I don’t think they’d take me seriously, and then there’s the ” how did he propose?” thing to answer…. So I really don’t know if I’m engaged or not… Lol.
Ladies, if you were in my shoes, what would you call yourself? Does this let him off the hook?
Post # 3
Personally, I wouldn’t tell anyone we were engaged. And I think I would tell my SO that we weren’t until a proposal (including no changes in finances, etc). Still, I would reiterate to your SO that this is something you want, and not calling yourself fiances doesn’t mean you don’t want to be one, but because you haven’t been asked yet.
Post # 4
sidenote: when i get married, i am definitely getting a prenup.
Post # 5
Eh, I guess it depends on how you feel and what you want. My fiancé and I discussed getting engaged about 8 months before it happened – and pretty much all that happened was that I asked him to marry me, he said yes, and we were engaged. If you want a big romantic proposal and don’t think it’ll “feel right” without that, then wait on telling anyone until he does it. But do talk to him about a proposal still being something you want – he may take it from your conversation that it isn’t necessary, unless you tell him otherwise.
Post # 6
I felt the same way about mixing finances as well. // I second love108’s thoughts on this.
Post # 7
I would still call him my boyfriend. For me, unless one of us has explicitly asked the other to marry them, we’re not engaged. The mister and I have discussed getting married and know that we will but we don’t consider ourselves engaged.
Post # 8
I would still call him my boyfriend. My Fiance and I discussed getting engaged a lot before getting engaged, and I even picked the ring out and he bought it… but I still called him my boyfriend until he asked. Although I do believe you don’t need a ring to be engaged. That said, EVERYONE asked to see the ring when I said I got engaged. So there’s that.
My Fiance and I talked a lot about combining finances. We’re both in grad school right now, but when we’re done, he’ll be a doctor and I’ll be a teacher… So he’ll be making A LOT more than me in the future. So I made sure that he was okay with that fact, given that I like to shop (not excessively and always inexpensively, I love Target!). Anyway, we decided to combine finances a week after we got engaged, and it’s working out well! It actually makes me much more conscious of how I’m spending money because it’s now OUR money, not MY money. But we don’t need a prenup–neither of us have any money at this point.
Post # 9
From how you’ve described things, I wouldn’t call yourself engaged until you have the ring or the proposal. If he calls you his Fiance, remind him that you’re not engaged yet.
Post # 10
I would just tell your SO that you would still prefer to keep things the way they are until the formal proposal. That includes sharing the finances and calling each other fiance/fiancee.
Just say your not comfortable until you are 100% at that milestone, in which case it may spur him to act on his promise to propose to you sooner if he wants things to get moving!
Exciting he wants things to happen quickly though!
Post # 11
I wouldn’t tell anyone you were engaged, I’d wait for him to ask. I can’t imagine many people get engaged without being in agreeance that the other person is the one, their future spouse, etc. But I’d wait for it to be official (if not, when he finally asks and you get the ring, it’s kind of like the cat is already out of the bag).
Post # 12
Hahah, funny you should say that…
Due to my job and the guys I run into on an everyday basis, I always say I have a fiancee and wear a cheapie k-mart ring. lol. It feilds a LOT of hitting on (okay some, there are real creeps out there!) and I feel guilty for lying but it saves me soo much time then just saying I have a boyfriend, people take fiancee more seriously.
I don’t tell anyone I’m engaged or anything outside of customers who are pervy though, I wouldn’t say that if I were you only because it does “let him off the hook” in a sense. I know you don’t need the ring but its what it stands for more than it is a “oh look at my 1.5 carat”.