Post # 1
Background: Ex-FI and I were done a month ago exactly today….and I’m almost rid of him other than a couple of things (car title and home depot balance). I have to figure out where I want to sell the ring, as the loan was in my name. I have the ring and wedding bands in my posession so it is not like I can’t get rid of it but I just need to figure out where…and how little I want to settle for….and my dress? Not sure yet.
ANYWAYS, I’m having a little dilemma with myself and the dress. He has not seen it and has no idea what it looks like, I did NOT buy it for him – I bought it because I felt gorgeous in it. I don’t know if I should sell it or keep it and weare it at my real wedding…since I WILL be gettting married eventually and will need a dress. I love it and it is paid off….I just don’t know, bees.
Help a sista out here! 🙂
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
If you feel gorgeous in it & can wear it without thinking of him I’d keep it! Especially since it’s paid off, I doubt you’ll get close to what you paid for it back. Or if you feel the dress wasn’t too much $ and you’d like to look at dresses all over again there’s always eBay, Craigslist, preownedweddingdresses, etc.
Post # 3
NicoleLyn1218: If you really love it and are not in need of the cash, I suggest you keep it until the day you want to get married. At least then you can look again and decide if it’s still the style you like etc. Or maybe when you meet someone else, you’ll want to have something totally new as this one will always remind you of your ex, even if he never saw it and you never wore it.
Post # 4
There is an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where a woman saved a dress from a broken engagement and used it for her new wedding. I’m sorry, I can’t find which one it is though. Maybe one of the other bees will know? Anyway, it’s quite an emotional experience for her but overall she’s happy she kept her dress. I’d say keep yours. Like you said you didn’t buy it for him, if it’s your dress then it’s your dress. Nothing to do with him 🙂
Post # 5
Hmm, I’m not so sure. Obvioulsy you bought it for yourself and not for him and obviously you love the dress, but if you put yourself in your hypothetical future husbands shoes, think about whether he would be happy for you to be wearing a dress you bought for your wedding to somebody else at your wedding to him. If that makes sense! It might also look a bit odd to a new boyfriend that you have got a wedding dress hanging in your closet!
On a much smaller scale, I bought some jewellery for my first wedding which I didn’t end up wearing. I have never worn it but still have it. Ironically it matches my dress for this wedding perfectly, but when I asked my FI how he would feel if I wore it, he wasn’t really very happy. In fact, he just assumed I was kidding a sort of went ‘oh god, imagine if you did? haha, that would be really weird’. So I just laughed along and let it drop.
I would get rid of the dress personally and get a whole new one when you are in the position to be getting married again. That may be a bit down the line anyway, so fashion and your taste may change. Or you might plan a totally different style of wedding next time and the original dress may not be suitable. By that time it might be too late to sell or return it, so I would do it now.
Post # 6
NicoleLyn1218: i agree with pps. do what feels right for you. if you can imagine to wear it at another occasion, keep it 🙂 all the best to you!
Post # 7
NicoleLyn1218: I just found the episode, it’s season 7 episode 5 called “Worth the Wait”
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - saint patricks parish
NicoleLyn1218: keep the dress you feel beautiful in it and he never saw it so theres no bad luck with it! and I’m sorry about your heartbreak hope your heart heals.
Post # 9
atreyu547: You’re right about that! It is already paid off and I really love it.
LaPetiote: I think I might keep it for now at least and see how I feel after a while. I am pretty much over it so it’s not like I’m hanging onto it for anything.
Immy05: Awqwww thank you! I will have to watch that episode.
glasgowgirl: I can always approach it with my future boyfriend/fiance when the time comes like you did with the jewelry from your previous wedding. If it so happens to be that he does not like it then I can sell it, should I decide to keep it. It has been hanging in my mom’s closet since the day I bought it, so nothing to worry about as far as a new boyfriend seeing it hanging in my closet or anything. Still, the honest part of me would want to say something about it to them when I get engaged in the future. This is the only dress I felt beautiful, thin, and like a bride in…the other ones I felt fat, chunky and not like a bride at all. I guess I’ll see how I feel about it in a couple months and then again when I am close to getting engaged if I don’t change my mind in a couple months.
Akbridezilla: Thank you! My heart has mostly healed, I just know I’m going to have trust issues in my future relationships to a certain extent until they prove that they are telling the truth. And thank you for your positive opinion – I kind of agree but I will have to see 🙂 I keep going back and forth.
Post # 10
I too had a cancelled wedding and kept my dress using the same reasoning you had. Now it’s almost two years later and I’m getting married for real in August. It turned out that my dress a) didn’t really fit anymore and b) didn’t go with the vision my SO and I have for OUR wedding. And when I tried it on again, it just felt…yucky. So I took it to a bridal gown consignment store. Hopefully it’ll sell and I can put the money toward the perfect dress I just bought. If not, I’ll donate it somewhere and someone else can have a beautiful dress. But if I were you, I’d keep it for now. I think I would have been always wondering about it and sad if I sold it before I was ready.
Post # 11
NicoleLyn1218: Bottom line- hold onto these things until you don’t want to anymore. The dress you can easily sell on preownedweddingdress.com or something like it. But, if you like it and it doesn’t hurt to hold on to, keep it. Who know’s, maybe in time you won’t even like it anymore.
Post # 12
NicoleLyn1218: I think I’d keep it until I knew for sure I didnt want it anymore. There may come a time when you realize that you actaully do have memory connections between the dress and your ex-FI, but you might find the opposite and that you still feel amazing in it. If it’s not hurting you to keep it, just put it on the back burner for a while!
Post # 13
savannahb: Good idea – I realize that I may not end up liking it at that time or that my weight might change. It will only go down from here…no more clothes bigger than what I’m wearing now. Haha. Who knows how I will end up feeling at that time as well – I might not like it. Right now, I still feel content with it and feel like I am beautiful in it.
coffeedrinker: I might not end up liking it, who knows! 🙂 You’re right – keep the things until I don’t want to or don’t like them anymore.
Charliejeorge: Thank you! You’re right. Only time will tell how I will feel about the dress.
Post # 14
It doesn’t matter what anyone says. . .it’s your heart that you have to listen to on this one. The mind can justify all decisions, but it’s what you feel in your heart that matters. If you keep it, I just don’t want you to always think of the broken engagement when you see it or wear it. Maybe you could put it up for sale, for a specific price. . .and if you sell it, cool…If not then you were meant to keep it?!?!
Post # 15
I had a friend call off an engagement and eventually find someone new and got married. She kept her dress but in the 4 years or so since the original was purchased it had dated itself a bit and she no longer wanted to wear it (sizing might have played into it too but largely it looked like an older dress). She bought a new dress and it was too late to sell it so she donated it. She even had trouble GIVING it away because most stores know old dresses don’t have much market value. Something to keep in mind.
Owning a wedding dress is extremely uncomfortable for a new guy. I read you were 21 and in all honestly most guys at not marriage minded in that age group yet and that would be terrifying. I had an old dress that I wore as a costume and even mentioning it to guys that were marriage minded (as a joke) was a bit of a tense thing for some. I imagine it would come along with a lot of emotional baggage too.
Would you want your next FI to give you an engagement ring he bought in contemplation of someone else? Lets say she cheated before he gave it to her or she said no so it’s not like it was hers but it was bought with someone else in mind. Would that be weird for you?