unsure- please help )-:

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My FI really doesn’t care much about the big day.  We discuss everything, but the only part he is really interested in is the music.  

Post # 4
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@l0new0lf:  Some guys are not so into the wedding planning. But I’m sure the day of, he’ll be excited, happy and nervous at the same time. Some women would rather not have them involved in the planning either. Lol. My FI is as involved with the planning, but says ultimately it’s up to me. He has his say in some things, but he’s not overly involved as in excited about choosing color schemes or anything. Lol 

Post # 5
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@l0new0lf:  I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Have you talked to him about it? My husband wasn’t excited about the details of our wedding (flowers, booze, decor), but he was excited to get married. Sometimes his lack of enthusiasm about the decorations was a little frustrating, but he’s just not into that stuff – and most guys aren’t. 

I think it’s important to talk to him and try to figure out if he’s not interested in marriage, or not interested in the wedding. There’s a huge difference there. If he’s disinterested in the wedding itself, and by that I mean if he’s not into picking out flowers, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, linens, then he’s just being a dude and that’s nothing to worry about. If he’s not interested in getting married, obviously, that’s a different story. 

Talk to him, see where he’s at, and take it from there. Don’t take it personally if he has no opinion on what color your centerpieces should be, that’s normal.

 

Post # 6
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@l0new0lf: My FI isn’t particularly interested either, and seems to be stressed without actually having anything to be sressed about! In reality they don’t really care about which flowers you have, sash colour and other fine details. He’s there to marry you and celebrate, honestly when the big day comes he’ll be excited, nervous, but excited!  

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I certainly wouldn’t make this decision to leave based on his excitement about planning a wedding. 

But treating you like his brother? I think you need to talk to him about that. It sounds like you guys have hit a bit of a slump and need to get some thrills back in your relationship! There are tons of ways to do that, but make sure you are honest about that with him. TALK. See what you can come up with to recharge your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

@l0new0lf:  I think as long as he is excited about the marriage, you’re fine. That’s way more important in my opinion than this one wedding-day. (I do understand you though, that it sucks if you’re excited about something and your partner is not.)

Post # 9
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My husband wasn’t particularly enthused about planning right up until the last few weeks when, ironically, I was OVER it… Then the day of the wedding we were both giddy fools, so I am sure you two will be just fine! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@l0new0lf:  Your update makes it clear that there is something behind him not being excited for your wedding. Maybe you should take a step back on the planning aspect to really work on your relationship. You should talk to your FI about what he wants, if he wants to be together, etc. It is not fair for you to be waiting around for him, so you should try to maintain some type of control over this situation. 

Post # 12
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@l0new0lf:  hi

my dh said that same thing to me about one his exs early on in our relationship. he however will admit now he was completely wrong. just before we got married she contacted him and ended her message with i miss you. my dh told me as your fi did you. the differrnce is he ignored her message. have you guys ever discussed what he said about her in terms of your relationship now?

Post # 14
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

My FI isn’t interested sometimes. Sometimes he is. Sometimes I feel like I talk about it too much and he doesnt seem interested. I lay off and don’t bring up the subject unless something needs to be done and/or accomplished.  I know he’s excited, but it doesn’t need to be the center of conversation every single day.

Post # 15
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

These are completely separate issues. Not being excited about wedding planning isn’t that big of a deal. There were plenty of days that I wasn’t very excited about it. Not being willing to pitch in is a different matter.

As far as the ex goes, I would simply tell him that you arn’et comfortable with him communicating with his ex. Have a discussion and set boundaries for what you think is acceptable behavior for both of you. See what his thought are.

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