Post # 1
my current FI has never asked but i often think of it to myself, and then get very depressed, many of my ex’s have asked-“what do i bring to the table” i work two crap jobs one getting min-wage the other just a bit more, nothing anyone can really survive on, i work 16hrs a day-5-6 days a week, i often think what do i bring to this relationship…nothing, all i do is work, the money i make is my money, im not being greedy i just have TONS of bills myself (bad mistakes with credit cards and medical bills) and all i do is work to pay them off/down. the ony thing i do for the house is i buy all the groceries, i dont help him with any of the other bills because i honestly don’t have it, meanwhile when i do im putting it way for a wedding…i don’t know if i should quit my second min-wage job(i can live off my first jobs pay…kind of, if NOTHING comes u, and with no extra spending,no dr visits, no hair cut, no cat food) and just be home every night at 530pm, and cook him dinner or should i work so im not a financial burden on him, he said a few times “you should just quit, sh*t ill give you the $30 you would have made if you worked tonight”, UGH im so upset about this all the time…i hope i don’t make him “lonely” by never being around, but he also works quite a bit, 7am-830 pm…7days a week…
Post # 3
Are you asking for advice on what you should do as far as income/jobs goes? Or, are you asking for advice on how to ‘prove’ to your SO what you bring to the table??
Either/or, there is very little we can tell you 🙁 On one hand, when you work/how often you work/the money you make to pay bills, or save is completely between you and your SO, and how you choose to live your lives. My opinion is that money is NOT everything. People live on far less, and far more, but it does not dictate happiness. However, ensuring your future via savings, and the ability to have a slight cushion on the event of an emergency is invaluable.
On the other hand, ‘proving’ to your SO, OR (as I see it) compensating for the lack of monetary ‘donations’ you bring to your relationship is NOT something one should ever have to do, especially if this was how you established your living situation before you got in it?! Sure, you would love to be around more, or contribute more, but if he does not have an issue with it, or has not vocalized it, then neither should you. As long as you are TRYING when and where you can to make ends meet, and are not spending money on shoes and purses, while he is fronting the bills, then you should be good.
I feel as if your insecurities are being projected into this relationship due to past relationships. That is not fair, but certainly, having this conversation with him, and establishing how you two want work out the issues – if any – is the best thing you can do.
Post # 4
It sounds like you’re in a bit of a vicious circle – you work so many hours that you can’t look for a new job or work at improvinentertain academic credentials. It may be worth considering dropping one job if your fiancé is happy to help you out and then devote some of that extra time to working on improving your job prospects, whether its going to night school or just having time to search for jobs and send of resumes. Or perhaps you could use that extra time to look at getting your finances in order, maybe see if you can work out a deal to help with your credit card repayments. At the moment you must be too exhausted to think, let alone do anything else!