Post # 1
Today, I’m not so sure. I love him, I really do. I just don’t know what we have is enough. Today at breakfast I told him some of how I was feeling…
He took me to pick out my ering two months ago, He was the one to show me the lodge and say I want to have our wedding there. After he took me to tour the lodge, he asked me to call the event planner to check dates and costs. Fast forward to today….
every time I mention dates, he refuses anything before 2014 and that year, my best friend can’t be there thanks to the peace corps. but if I had a June 2013 wedding, I could have the people I love most in attendance. When I picture my wedding I have my girls standing up there with me, and I’m having a hard time giving that up.
When I talked to him over breakfast this morning, I told him I could go to the courthouse tomorrow and be completely happy, but if I was going to have a real wedding I wanted to have my best friend there. He said he too could go to the courthouse tomorrow and be happy, but that to wedding in 2013 is too soon.
Tonight I asked about a fall or summer wedding, and he said he didn’t care, whatever made me happy was fine by him. Well that just got under my skin. We could go to the courthouse tomorrow, he’d be happy, but 2013 is too soon, 2014& I can do anything I want for the wedding? Now I just don’t know what I want at all…
Post # 3
@HopingtobeeMrsV: Sounds like you need to communicate and compromise.
Post # 4
Yeah it sounds like you need to communicate with him and figure out exactly what his plan is. I think that it is reasonable for you to want your friend there but if 2013 is too soon and she’ll be gone in 2014, you might have to comprimise and wait for 2015 (eesh that’s almost painful to type,.. it’s so far away!)
Post # 5
Why does he want 2014? Is he worried about affording a big wedding so soon?
I think you should talk to him and figure out his reasons. After that you can post here and we can help you think of solutions 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks guys! I was feeling too emotional to talk to him earlier. It’s just so frustrating, we even have our guest list roughed out, I know my dad wants to pay for the wedding, and that our 50-70 person event won’t be solely our financial burden. SO is at a basketball game with his family tonight, and I’m here trying to think of ways to talk to him without it leading to a fight or him shutting down.
Post # 7
Call him out on it. Talk seriously about the courthouse and see how he responds.
Post # 8
Yes, I am also confused. If he would go to the courthouse tomorrow… how is next summer “too soon”. are there other reasons that you didn’t mention?
Post # 9
You need to sit down with him and talk about this. Does he want a longer engagment? Is he worried about saving for a wedding (that’s a very legitimate concern)? Figure out why he wants the wait and compromise. I know you may want your best girlfriend there, but in all reality what matters is that you and him are there exchanging vows at the end of the day.
Also, I get why he could say he would get married at the courthouse ASAP, but not have a wedding so soon. Going down to the courthouse involves no planning, no saving up for a huge wedding, etc. So to me that makes perfect sense.
Post # 10
Called him out on it last night, he said he doesnt want the courthouse, he wants a wedding with all of his family there, and he wants to give his family time to save up. He knows I want a small wedding, and that there will more than likely be 4+ families contributing to the finances. His offer of compromise? June, 21st 2014… the date we’ve been working with is Sept 20th 2014. i don’t know if he understood why I wanted 2013…
Post # 11
@HopingtobeeMrsV: You can only keep trying I suppose. Give it a while for the dust to settle and explain WHY – not the date – but having your best friend there is so important to you. Taking the date out of the equation might help, but as another bee mentioned, if neither of you can sacrifice what you want, that means 2015. Is your best friend gone ALL YEAR? 🙁
Post # 12
@HopingtobeeMrsV: Thats tough, I do think its ultimately most important for you BOTH to have everyone you BOTH want to have at your wedding. 8 months is not very long to plan a wedding though (June 2013), so I kinda see his point there, but I don’t think the date of your wedding should be all his decision-there must be some way to compromise.
Will your friend get any vacation time during her service? Depending on the country I believe its likely she will accrue leave. As long if you stay in touch with her, that should be workable (might be expensive flight tickets though).