Post # 1
So we are having a DW so its already pretty non-traditonal, but I was thinking that a lot of things that go on at weddings just arent “us”.
So, we dont want to do toasts, garter toss, bouquet toss or cake… Do yall think this would be too “un-traditional”? Do you think anyone will even miss these things or care? Did yall do anything crazy at your wedding?
Post # 3
I did not have a lot of traditional elements that people usually expect at weddings–no garter toss, bouquet toss, cake, or mother/son and father/daughter dances. The only traditional things that we did were the first dance (which we almost did not do), and toasts.
I did get a few “What do you mean, no CAKE?!?” before the wedding, but at the wedding itself no one missed the traditions we did not have. I’d also like to add that without those traditions, our wedding did very much feel like a traditional wedding. I wore white and walked down the aisle, we had a ceremony followed by a sit-down dinner followed by dancing, with an open bar. I think we would have gotten more “You are doing WHAT?” if our wedding did not fit people’s mental script of what a wedding should be like.
But even if it doesn’t, so what? Make your wedding be whatever you want it to be!
Post # 4
I don’t think skipping those elements is that big of a deal. I think only half of the weddings I’ve been to have the bouquet/garter toss and nobody really missed it. We’re probably going to have toasts (though that’s kind of dangerous, considering that we’re pretty ridiculous people with ridiculous friends), but that’s about it.
I agree with doingathing that if you feed people and liquor them up, skipping the little traditions doesn’t feel like a huge departure from tradition.
Post # 5
Absolutely not! Your wedding is your wedding and you can choose to exclude or include whichever elements you want.
(I’m terribly cynical about the wedding industrial complex and I think a lot of these “traditions” are bogus and really just things that add on extra expense–that’s not to say that if a couple likes them, they’re not worth doing, but consider the cost of doing a cake cutting: you need a cake, cake topper, special cake knife, and then the cutting fee most reception places will charge. Sure, you don’t HAVE to have all those acoutrements, but my point is, they are just acoutrements, in the end. To get married all you need is someone licensed to do it, a marriage license, a witness (or two depending on the state), you and your FI. Even the rings are optional.)
-first dance (well, we’re not having dancing at all, so)
-bouquet toss (we’re skipping flowers in general, so)
…that’s in addition to the CEREMONY itself, which we did privately as separate from the big reception. And people STILL refer to our party as a wedding.
Post # 6
We didn’t do any of those things, and everyone at our wedding thought it was great that we only included things that were meaningful to us.
When we first got engaged, we sat down and said “how would we spend a perfect night?” and we pretty much cut out anything that didn’t fit into it. At first my MIL was upset, she had pictured her son having a traditional black-tie optional dinner dance. But after the wedding, she “got” it, and she was overjoyed that the wedding truly reflected who we were.
The only traditional elements we had were some religious ones in the ceremony and I wore a white dress.
Make your wedding your own.
Post # 7
We’re having a destination wedding too. We’re also skipping some of the traditional elements like bouquet toss and garter toss. We’re still doing toasts because our BM and MOH really want to say something (they’re choice) and we’re doing the first dances because I just want to.
We aren’t having cake because me and FI don’t really like cake all that much, plus its expensive! Instead, we’ve opted to do something that reflects the atmosphere of where we’re getting married (Key West), so we decided to do Key Lime tarts and potentially fruit skewers instead. A lot cheaper that way, plus I think more festive!
We’re also planning to do a pig roast as our reception meal. A little different from the usual, I’d say. It’s just what makes sense for us as a couple, plus our wedding is very island-style, so I decided I’ll just do what I want.
Like the poster above, I’m still wearing white (well, ivory) and walking down the aisle, but have hired a steel drum player for the ceremony music. That’s probably my favorite part so far.
It’s your wedding, do whatever you want. I think the main thing is that guests just want to feel taken care of, especially those forking over the $ to travel to your DW. An open bar can take care of that quite easily.
Post # 8
We had Carol’s Cookies instead of a cake. If you’ve never tried them, you must. They are the best!! They sell them at ghiradelli and specialty markets. Cake doesn’t even compare.
Post # 9
I think you should do things that are meaningful to you. I do think it’s important to include some things in place of the things you are omitting.
I’m 100% onboard doing things that are unique to you and bucking tradition – but I did go to a wedding where the bride chose not to do certain things and a lot of the guests commented that it didn’t really ‘feel’ like a wedding.
I also think you have a lot more room to be creative, since you are having a DW
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice ladies! There will be some traditional elements to our wedding (white dress, dad walking me down the isle etc) One of my main concerns were the toasts. My BFF is terribly shy and I dont want to put her through that. I underestimated how nervous I was giving the MOH speech at her wedding and I dont want our wedding (or a speech) to be the source of that. Also, toasts tend to get really long, really fast lol we want more time to party 😀
@His Lioness: I love the idea of key lime pie for your key west wedding! so perfect!!
@CanAmBride: I love the cookie idea so much more than a cake, it would be awesome to take them with us. My FI has celiac disease so he cant have cake anyways. Plus, after drinking and dancing, cake is the last thing on my mind….mac and cheese or pizza is more towards the top lol
@oracle: what elements did she not include? why did it not feel like a wedding? Im afraid the cake will make it not feel like a wedding, but it just doesnt seem logical lol
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
We didn’t do any of that either, except for toasts – and personally, I could have done without them. We didn’t have cake either – just delicious desserts that people are still talking about!! Make it your own, girl!
Post # 12
@doingathing: I could have written your post! LOL I am also skipping the garter toss, bouquet toss, cake, and mother/son and father/daughter dances. We will do the first dance and a single toast by the Best Man.
@His Lioness: I could have written your paragraph about cake, too. 🙂 I also am not a huge cake fan, and especially not at wedding cake prices. And I’m also getting married in the Florida Keys and serving Key lime pie (and mango Key lime pie -mmmmm!). We’re doing a pig roast for our “recovery dinner” (day AFTER the wedding).
@HoneyBear: I am skipping the bouquet toss because what it implies (that all single women are desperate to get married) rubs me the wrong way. I find that combined with the garter toss somewhat sexist. (Please, bees, don’t be offended – I also know that for many couples it’s simply something fun to do at the wedding, and I don’t judge those who choose to do it. It just doesn’t feel authentic for ME.) And I suppose that’s what I would say – be AUTHENTIC in your choices! In the end, no friend or family member worth their salt will find anything wrong with that.
Other things I am doing that are untraditional:
- Friday wedding – we’re having a semi-destination wedding (two hour drive for most) and getting married on Friday so we can kick back and enjoy the rest of the weekend with our guests instead of being behind closed doors all day Saturday
- No adults in our bridal party (our BMs/GMs will be our 11-and-under nieces and nephews; MOH is my groom’s 15-yr-old daughter; Best Man is his 19-year-old cousin)
- Bridesmaids will carry parasols instead of bouquets
- “Flower girl” will carry a wand with our rings tied to the ribbons (no petal toss)
- No one is giving me away (my Dad passed away when I was 16 and I’m getting married for the first time at 47). I will walk alone, halfway, and my groom will meet me mid-aisle so we can walk the rest of the way together.
- Bridesmaids will enter to Jason Mraz’s “Suerte” and I will enter to “I’m Yours” (also Jason Mraz)
- No decorated aisle or marked ceremony spot on the beach (our backdrop will be two beautiful palm trees and the sunset – no flower petals, arch, table, etc.)
- No chairs for the ceremony (guests will form the aisle by standing in two rows, and then gather around us in a circle as we say our vows)
- No announcing – ugh! (my friend who is a wedding planner was horrified LOL)
- No tossing of rice or anything else, for that matter – clapping will be just fine
- No big departure (we’re staying on-site at the small beach hotel with our guests to enjoy the rest of the weekend)
- No gifts or gift registry – I’ve made it clear that we consider our guests’ presence gift enough, especially since they are traveling to attend. For those who insist, we are encouraging charitable donations in lieu of gifts, and also set up a honeymoon registry.
Post # 13
I love that you are having a wedding that is about the two of you and your relationship. A wedding is a wedding, whether it’s two people in a courthouse, or three hundred people in a fancy hall. What you do on that day makes it YOUR wedding as opposed to just a wedding. Good luck with your planning. Sometimes in the midst of everything, all the opinions from future MIL, I wish we were havnig a small DW.
And I love the no cake idea. Unfortunatly, I allowed myself to get bullied into having a cake. I hate cake and would much rather have wedding pies, but my fiance loves it and really wants it. Luckily for us, my best friend is a pastry chef and gifting the cake to us so at least we don’t have to pay for it.
Post # 14
It’s your wedding you do it your way, when others have comments you can remind them when it comes time for theirs they can do it their way or if they are married they should have done it the way they wanted so they wouldn’t feel so obligated to judge your decisions!
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens
@heatherrobyn: I was wondering the same thing!