Post # 1
Hello fellow wedding bees! I need a lot of outside opinions before making a call…I invited an old friend from high school that I lost contact with over the years, I really didn’t think that she would respond or even come as she lives half way across the country. But we were inseparable in high school and college and I just wanted to be nice…I just heard from her yesterday (the RSVP’s are due this Saturday) and she stated how excited she is about the wedding and will be coming and bringing her MOM as her date. I cannot remember for the life of me if I put a plus one on her invite, if I did it was meant for her boyfriend. Also, her mother is an incredibly rude and conniving woman, she’s the type that overly controls her children’s lives, I try not to let this bother me, but the last couple times I was with her mother she was blatantly rude to my own mother (pretty much ignored my mom throughout dinner and gossiped about anyone and everyone). My mother is an amazingly sweet and caring person and advised me to just let this woman come to my wedding because my friend might not come if her mother doesn’t attend. I just really have a strong dislike towards her mother… Should I take my mom’s advice and just let this woman come or should I tell my friend that her mom is not invited? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated on how to approach it!
Post # 3
Just call her and explain that the plus ones were for serious relationships, engaged or married couples only.They may have both already purchased plane tickets though.
It will be an awkward conversation and I still cringe when I think of the convo I had with one of my friends.
Post # 4
If you left the +1 wide open, she can bring whoever she wants and it’s a major faux pas for you to recind the +1 invite.
If you don’t mind breaking etiquette, call her and explain that the +1 was in error. Take the blame, apologise, and let he know that you’re at capacity for the venue (true or not).
Post # 5
Hey date twin, I have a very similar situation. Except for about 5 of my FI’s friends (who where not given a +1) have RSVPed that they were bringing their girlfriends. I really want to tell them we have no room for their guests. Especially since neither my FI or I know these girls. What if they cause drama at my wedding. But FI says to let them come. But I’m skeptical….therefore, I have no idea what you should do. But good luck.
Post # 6
@Argentinech1c: I would call her. Screw etiquette. This woman was rude to your mother. She will be the mother of the bride that day. She can’t come. You have no room for her and you are sorry but your wedding did not have room for extra guests.
Post # 7
This is the importance of accurately addressing your invites.
If you in fact put +1, she is free to bring whomever she chooses. If you put John Smith and Sally Jones, and John can’t make it, it is either Sally Jones comes solo or declines.
If you just put +1, it is an open invitation to bring a guest of her choosing.
Post # 8
@Argentinech1c: why cause additional stress to yourself and to someone you DID invite. not sure how big your wedding is but if it’s there’s enough people there, chances are you won’t even notice her. besides, you’ll be too busy with other stuff throughout the day. put her at a table near the back so she won’t be near you or your mom during dinner.
Post # 9
Echoing PPs, but, if you put a general +1, she gets to bring her.
I feel your pain – I had a friend invite herself AND a date – though I hadn’t planned on inviting her, let alone a guest – but – sometimes its just easier to roll with it, knowing that on your wedding day, it will be the least of your concerns.
Post # 10
I definitely feel your pain on this. It might be tempting to throw etiquette out the wedding and disinvite her mom, but that decision will extend far beyond the wedding day and will most likely negatively impact your friendship. If you did extend a +1 to her, I think you should honor it and let the woman come. It’s a tough spot to be in. Your mother is being really sweet and nice about it. I know you probably have a protective instinct for your mom against your friend’s mom, but your mom sounds like a classy woman and will be able to handle it well if this woman does come.
Post # 11
@LuvMySailor: Haha love it. I vote for being bold all the way! In no way would I accept someone being at my wedding that had been rude to my mother.
Theres a time for etiquette and then there’s a time for following your gut 😉
Post # 12
WOW, thanks everyone for all of your responses, I really didn’t think I would even get this many I think I’m going to take the high road and just let her mother come even though I really want to ask if I put a plus one on her invite…bride brain is making me insane! Thanks again all!!