Post # 1
I am a FMIL and am very excited about my daughters upcoming wedding. I was informed at the onset that the groom and his family didn’t want a certain couple at the wedding because they didn’t like the wife. This couple, especially the husband was a huge part of my daughter life and I felt it disrespectful not to invite him. I don’t really get along with the wife and I understand the groom/family not wanting her there. I made the decision to invite them and now the groom and his family are throwing a fit. It is a very informal wedding. No seating charts to adhere to. Why can’t we all just be adults about this and enjoy the day? I have told him that I am not un-inviting them. I feel just as strongly about them being there as they do about them not attending. Now my daughter is hurting because she is in the middle of a situation she cannot correct. What should I do?
Post # 3
If it’s not your wedding, you have no vote. They told you they didn’t want these people there are you are prepared to disrespect their wishes and do what you want to anyway. This is why fights and arguments start. Can’t you allow your daughter and her future husband have one day when you just cooperate whether you like it or not? Don’t they deserve that?
Post # 4
@3yellowroses: I totally feel for you. Weddings create so much drama, when it should be such a happy occasion. I don’t know how you can make this better. Just talk to them and explain the reason why you invited them.
Post # 5
@dmk90716: I understand where you are coming from. I don’t know if 3yellowroses is paying for the Wedding. I am paying for the Wedding and my daughter asked me to also plan the wedding, there are certain people I prefer not to invite but feel obliged to.
Post # 6
I don ‘t Get why contributing to the wedding gives someone a say in the details . If it’s a gift, it should not come with strings attached. It’s Thier wedding. It’s the grooms right to not include someone. Inviting someone you outright new was not welcome was innapropraite IMO. I think you owe the groom a big apology and you night have to be the one to dis invite this person.
Post # 7
I’d say you have a sticky situation here. Considering this is your daughters and future son-in-law’s wedding, I’d leave it up to them to decide. And with whatever they chose, I wouldn’t get in the middle of it. Just a whatever will be, will be. If they ask you to un-invite them, I would suggest un-inviting them.
Post # 8
What ha this man done to the groom and his family. i think this is a decision that should be made by the bride and groom. You’re overstepping.
Post # 9
it’s not your wedding. you don’t get to invite people. you especially don’t get to override the bride and groom!
Post # 10
So you are not the one getting married, and you are inviting someone the bride and groom don’t want there, and not listening to the groom? I get where you’re coming from, wanting someone there who is a huge part of your daughter’s life, but ultimately it is the bride and groom’s decision, not yours. I would uninvite them as you had no place to invite them in the first place. If you want to have an informal barbecue another day with them to celebrate your daughter’s marriage that’s fine, but this is your daughter’s wedding, not yours.
Edit: My parents are paying half for my wedding, and FI’s parents are paying half. I would be LIVID if either set of parents invited someone either of us didn’t like and didn’t want there. Our wedding, our invites, it is NOT our parents’ day. Frankly if you want a good relationship with your daughter and son-in-law, I suggest you admit you screwed up, apologize and uninvite the people you had no right to invite.
Post # 11
of course they’re upset. they specifically detailed ONE couple that they did not want invited. you decided that their wishes didn’t matter, and went ahead and invited them anyway.
it’s not your wedding, they obviously felt strong enough to share their plans to not invite them with you – probably to avoid this exact situation. you need to apologize for intentionally disrespecting their wishes and bite your tongue from here on out.
wedding planning is hard enough without your own mother disregarding what you want and putting her wishes above yours. you’ve created a problem between your daughter and her FI and FI’s family – not good.
Post # 12
Everyone has already said what I am thinking
You do not want your daughter to go into this marriage with her husbands family all hating you because of something you did…
Post # 13
If this person was a huge part of your daughter’s life and she wanted him there then I understand why you invited them as a couple. With most weddings there are a number of guests allotted to each side of the family and you get to invite those you want up to that amount.
It is too bad that the groom and his side of the family can not see the position that they are putting the bride in. It sounds as if she also wants this person there…is this the case?
Post # 14
You overstepped. It’s their wedding, they get to choose who comes. If there was a disagreement, you should have talked to them and try to agree on a solution. Since you didn’t respect their decision and didn’t try to come to an agreement with them, you need to un-invite the couple.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@peonyinlove: I don’t think she decided their wishes didn’t matter. She considered their wishes and decided to invite this couple anyway. Someone’s wishes were going to be overriden, the host and bride’s or the groom and his family’s. That doesn’t mean those wishes weren’t considered. It’s just as fair to say the groom and his family disregarded the host’s wishes, assuming the MOB is the host, which I’d think she is if she was issuing invitations.
Post # 16
@3yellowroses: I find it short sighted that you didn’t speak to the bride and groom first before inviting the friend and his wife. For all you know there is backstory you have not been made aware of: the wife is cheating on the husband with the best man, has hit on the groom, stolen from the groom, is a raging alcoholic and secretly shuns the bride, etc. His feelings were valid regardless of if you were in the know or not.
What does your daughter think? If SHE could live without him at the wedding, that should have been good enough reason for you…I think you owe the groom an apology at the very least.