unwanted guest at engagement dinner

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would suggest counseling before you pursue this engagement further.

Post # 3
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sorry but I am kind of on his sisters side. It sounds like you guys have a messed up relationship. Both of you show troubling traits.

As for his sister just because she has expressed that she doesn’t think you two should be together doesn’t mean that she wont support her brother regardless of his choices.

Post # 4
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

THis thread makes me sad. 

“He’s not the kind of guy who listens to me and what I want…”  

I don’t know what to tell you. 🙁  He didn’t want to do it, you still made him do it, he’s not doing it how you want and you’re frustrated. I could have told you at the beginning you’d be frustrated based on what you already knew about him.

As for the sister, she sounds lame, but as the PP pointed out, she’s still his sister. Unless HE doesn’t want her there, she gets to be there.

Post # 8
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

There are alot of “I”‘s in your explaination of the situation…. not many “WE”s.  This isn’t his first time around, maybe he doesn’t want to do the same things again for your marriage that he did the first time around, it’s not just about what you think or want.  Plus this all seems like one big test about his love for you…. I want a party, I want invites and he dropped the ball…. he doesn’t listen to the things I want …. IDK maybe speaking to a qualified person outside of the relationship would be good… it really won’t hurt anything.

As for his sister, my brother’s have dated some REAL winners over the years and while I wouldn’t have been over the moon about them getting married to anyone of those crazies, I would still have been there for him. 

Post # 9
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I was sort of expecting that the finance was going to be the unwanted guest by the end of this. 

“his words were “I can’t be bothered this time around””, “He’s not the type of guy who listens to me and what I want”, he “Refuses to call the place”, “He again doesn’t listen to what I say”, “he didn’t even invite my dad”

So your FI is a huge jerk, right? And you’re aware of this? And still want to marry him? You know he’s going to continue being ‘not the type of guy who listens to you and what you want’ after you get married too, right?

If his sister wants to be there (and he wants her to be there), I don’t see why she shouldn’t be invited. She is his sister. She wil be in your lives likely for a very long time.If she wants to be there, it likely means she wants to support him, even if she isn’t crazy about you (which I’m sorry about).

As for the not inviting your dad – is your FI paying for this or are your finances joint and you’re paying together? Do you have enough money for an engagement party for both sides of the family? Typically the couple doesn’t host their own engagement party anyway, so people might be unhappy about the break in etiquette.

Post # 10
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This whole thing sounds like a mess. I’m sorry you are in this situation. I wouldn’t keep the sister away from the party as it will only add fuel to the fire if she is intentionally excluded. She is still his sister, after all. If she doesn’t want to be there then she won’t show up. I also second the PP’s who recommended premarital counseling. Sounds like you could work on communication.

Post # 11
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Oops: “I was sort of expecting that the finance was going…” should read “I was sort of expecting that the fiance was going…”

Post # 12
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

WTF did I just read?

Post # 13
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just recalled your previous thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/disapointed-in-my-proposal/#axzz30l5lFJTx

This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.  You were mad about the proposal not involving a custom teddy bear and now you are mad that he isn’t reading your mind about an engagement party.  Truly, you should pursue counseling if you are going to continue in this relationship.

Post # 14
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

linds1226:  Honestly to me it sounded like you were being selfish and demanding. And as HannahGrace:  pointed out, this sounds exactly like your last problem.

Your FI gave into your request about having a party he didn’t want (by the way I thought you weren’t supposed to throw your own party) and then you were still not satisfied.

I don’t think your FI is a good example of a partner either. 

Post # 15
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Gah! Reading the proposal post: “All he did (as he always does) is tell me that Im an awful person who doesn’t care about him and I should just be happy that I get the basics of what I need in life” – are you serious?? Just because you have a child with him isn’t reason enough to marry someone who talks to you like this.

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