Post # 1
I kind of feel guilty about what I’m about to write but I need to vent it somewhere! We get married in less than 6 months and I’m super excited, except for one thing.
After an engagment party that was attended by the world and his wife where I spent all night running from one group of people to the next, not stopping to eat our beautiful hog roast or even have chance to drink cocktails or spend quailty time with anyone, my H2B and I said that we wanted our wedding small and intimate and this is exactly what we’ve been planning towards. It’s just immediate family and our closet friends (40 people). This also means we get to have quailty over quantity in every aspect of the day – time, food, drink, entertainment. There is just one person who doesn’t fall under the catergory of ‘close family’ or ‘close friend’ and that’s the best man’s wife.
I cannot bear the woman. I’m usually a friendly, tolerant person but I just cannot even pretend to like her – it’s like the red mist descends! She’s manipulative, mean and an attention-seeking drama queen. Long story but basically the best man is my H2B’s childhood friend and ever since he started seeing her (which was only last year!!) we’ve seen him a handful of times, one of which was his own wedding in which my H2B got relegated to ‘2nd Best Man’. She was super nice to us before she got the ring on her finger and then as soon as she did it was pretty clear she didn’t give a crap about us or was at all interested in having a friendship with us – she has never been to our house despite being invited numerous times. The last time we bothered to invite them, they said they would come and never showed up and didn’t answer their phone all night! I was worried they’d had an accident but no, apparently she just didn;t want to come. She didn’t even congratulate us when we got engaged. When they turned up at our engagement party (3 hours late!) the only thing she said to me was that she had nearly brought the dress I had on but because her breasts are bigger than mine it didn’t suit her. Thanks, make me feel great why don’t you!
It just really grates me that she has to be there – just because she’s the BM’s wife. This is a really personal and intimate day and she’s so obviously going to be the odd one out. She doesn’t care about us or even care that we’re getting married so why should I have to treat her like she does. My H2B also doesn’t like her (and thinks shes going to ruin best man’s life) but his arguement is that it’s his wife and we can’t get away with not inviting her. MIL also shares this view whereas my Mum is like, who the hell is this girl!
Any advice bees?
Post # 3
I don’t think there is much you can do. It is the best mans wife so she has to be invited.
Maybe you can put the rest of the bridal party on patrol to make sure she doesn’t bother you?
Post # 4
It’s a huge bummer, but she’s his wife. There is sadly no polite way to not invite her. I agree with Caszos, get a friend to baby sit her!
Post # 5
Unfortunately, they’re married, you have to invite her. It is just not proper not to. Don’t worry, you’ll be so busy enjoying your day you will not even notice she’s there!
Post # 6
Just ignore her on that day. Theres not much else that can be done in this situation.
Post # 7
Ugh I know, I can’t get away from it. I guess I just need to write it out/vent it out. Getting one of my friends to keep her out my face is a good idea – I have just the right person for the job!
Just to give you some idea of how awful she is – her own best friend got married 2 months before her, which she was furious about because it stole her limelight, so she went round telling people the only reason her friend was getting married was because this friend’s H2B was about to be posted to Afghanistan so she wanted to make sure she got a war widow’s pension if something happened to him! Vile. She also bitched about everything from what suits the men wore to what flowers her friend chose. And that’s HER friend. So I guess that’s playing on my mind too. I know I should ignore everything to do with her but do you ever have those people who get so under your skin?!!
Post # 8
It completely sucks, but you can’t get around not inviting her. And there’s no nice way to ask the BM “Hey, do you mind leaving your wife at home?” Eesh. Grin and bear it. Hopefully you’ll be so busy having FUN on your wedding day she won’t even be a problem. Let her pout in the corner.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
My only advice is not to let her get to you. If you have to talk to her on your wedding day, appoint a friend to pull you and your husband away within X number of seconds. You can’t get around inviting her, so just get around interacting with her.
Post # 10
Here’s hoping she “doesn’t feel like going” to your wedding
No seriously though, that sucks! I’m sure you’ll enjoy your day anyways and don’t listen to anything she says.
Post # 11
You have to invite her but you don’t have to communicate with her. Get an army of BMs and friends to protect you and let them take care of her if she gets close to you. Trust me, with the amount of other wonderful guests, you will be able to avoid her. You have to emotionally distract from her and don’t allow her to take up space in your mind on your wedding day. Good luck 🙂
Post # 12
As the others said you have to invite her. You can not invite one half of a married couple and not the other. And just FYI.. if you had a large engagement party, you actually should be inviting all of those guests to your wedding. It’s not right to invite people to pre wedding events and not to the wedding itself.
Post # 13
Sorry but she comes with the territory (aka best man). Sucks, I know. I agree with what others said and just ignore her and have your “posse” with you at all times whenever she attempts to descend on you!
In the meantime, maybe you could always try to convince DH that there’s a better Best Man candidate out there ….
Post # 14
Even though your wedding will be intimate, can you have assigned seating and sit her as far away as possible from you?
Post # 15
I agree with the PPs, you have to invite her. I would just avoid her like the plague during your wedding, and ignore her if you happen to bump into anytime throughout the day. There’s not much else you can do.
Post # 16
I agree with the others. Have several friends on the look out so they can interupt if you somehow get stuck talking to her. Kill her with kindness, but avoid her as much as possible! Sorry 🙁