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You know what I would do? Invite them to your wedding and make your sister pay for their share, since you specifically asked her not to invite them to your shower since they weren't on your guest list. I understand she thought it was her party to host, but of course you are expected to invite any shower guests to your wedding, so your sister has put you in an extremely awkward (and expensive) position so she should cover the costs.
I would just flat out not invite them. Your sister was the rude one and invited guests that were not invited to the wedding. If they ask or if she asks, let them know that you did not intend on inviting them, although you enjoy their company (whatever you want to say here) and your sister invited them without discussing it with you prior. And if your sister wants to pitch a *itch about it- then tell her they are her family, not yours and you don't want to share a special day with them, and if she wants them there so bad, then they can pay the additional money to have them there (including extra invitations, table rentals, linens, favors, food, alcohol, etc).
If she asks, I would tell her the real reason and say she can pay for their attendance/there isn't enough room, but to keep the peace maybe if they ask tell them you're limited on budget/space? I probably wouldn't tell them that you didn't intend to invite them to your engagement party.
How she figured she has any right to invite people to your wedding is beyond me, so you don't have to invite them. Especially when they are not YOUR family! Strange relationship....anyway, if its no big deal that they are there, maybe you'll get a good gift from them!
i definitely wouldn't invite ppl that I felt I didn't want there but out of courtesy. It is your wedding and by having ppl there that aren't close to you puts a little cloud over your head. Especially if you need to be fake in order to be polite to them and that's just not me. The day should be filled with ppl who you would love to share with you on this special occassion. But yeah, I'd tell them there's no room or budget for it unfortunately.
Well thats the thing, ladies, she doesn't think she did anything wrong. And if i tell her they are not invited she will start fighting with me! Which is the last thing I want, because she is quite persistant and she'll twist the story so everyone takes her side. Even my mom.
I dont want my whole family to be mad at me and I am really at a loss about handling this situation...
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Well, then your sister is being childish. Is she married? did your fiance's family go to her wedding? Just tell her that you have a budget, a guest limit, etc. Put your foot down - to everyone who thinks your wrong. The only people you need to invite are the people important to you or your parents friends usually. NOT your sister's boyfriend's parents....thats like saying oh, my cousin's friend's boyfriend's sister's aunt....blah blah blah....
Etiquette does not say that you are required to invite everyone who was invited to your engagemnt party to your wedding. Especially if the party was thrown by someone other than yourselves. I would just not invite them and not worry about the issue.
If your sister asks you why they did not get an invitation, simply reply that you have invited your friends and your family to the event and it is not your responsibility to invite her friends and family by marriage. There will be plenty of other people for her to socialize with if she complains about that. If she still has an issue reply that it is your wedding and you only want your guests there. It was her perogative because it was her house that included them in the first place.
Allowing her to pay for them is out of the question. Parents can invite and pay for extra guests but that is not at all the same as parents traditionally foot the bill.
Thank you! I guess the answer is clear. =) Thanks for making me feel better about the issue. I must save this convo.
As for the wedding, myself and my fiance are the ones paying for it. That is why guest list is so critical, because our budget is so "light". =)
I was invited to an engagement party, and the bride and groom let it slep that they're going to try to have a small wedding. So we don't necessarily expect to be invited. So I don't think you need to invite the same people to the wedding. If you happen to see them i the future...I would just let it slip out early on, so they get the idea.
Honestly as I'm a tad stubborn and out spoken...lol I would march right up to my sister, explain the etiqutte and that's why they weren't supposed to be invited to the shower, and then tell her that she shall be covering the cost of them at the reception.
It's that or only invite them to the dance portion - you can coin the excuse of the finalized guest list was finished before your sister invited them and you coulnd't make any more cahnges to it. Not that lying is hugh on my list of things to do - but this is a crappy situation and I'd really have it out with my sister about it regardless. I mean, yes it's her place - but the shower was for YOU?! Why didn't she just invite all your ex-boyfriends and arch enemy from high school while she was at it.....lol.
All in all, she made the mess and she should clean it up weather it be paying for them or telling them herself, truthfully whats going on. Don't feel bad for not wanting them there - they are not your family, they are hers. and the extended of the extended familes arn't wedding guest list material for lots of reasons.... can you imagne how big the wedding would be ifeveryone was invited just for being 8 degrees related to a bride or groom....
LMAO sweeney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I think we're all in support of you in standing up to your sister. Just remind her that it is YOUR day, she already had HERS! And even though she might start fighting with you about it, just remind her that she isn't the one paying for it, so her opinion really doesn't f-in matter! Let her yell, let her complain. But what I would do, call your mom first to let her know whats up before your sister has a chance to get her claws in her... let her know how rude and inconsiderate she is being about HER INLAWS and wanting them at YOUR wedding... at least you'll be playing hard ball. ;)
Well, I understand what all you girls are saying but I still respectfully disagree. Of course it sucks to be in Daria's shoes right now because she is not the one who made a mistake here. Her sister did. But Daria, if you go ahead and don't invite these people to the wedding, even though it was not YOUR etiquette error, it will look like it was your fault. It will look like they were invited to the shower so that they would give you a gift, but not invited the celebration itself. I think now that they've attended one event, you should probably invite them to the wedding but since it was your sister's error, she should pay for them. Well, take that advice for what it's worth anyway, I would just hate for this whole situation to look bad on YOU when it wasn't you who created the mess in the first place.
If you need help convincing her - How about just having your sister read this post so that she realizes that she did create an uncomfortable situation for you?
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Hello Bees,
I was wondering...
My sister threw me and my fiance an engagement party a while back. Her husbands family (ex wife, her family, her husband's cousins etc) are very close with my sister and her husband. However I dont consider them very close (except for few). I asked my sister before she honored me with a party, not to invite her husband's cousin and his family. I am not their biggest fan and I was never close to them.
Since my sister is not a great listener and always does what she feels is right, she invited them anyway. Saying that it was her place (where the party was being held) and therefor she is free to invite whomever.
So now that they attended my engagement party, they are most definitely expecting to be invited to the wedding (obviously since i didn't tell them i didn't want them there in the first place). And the rules say that everyone who was at the party should be invited to the wedding.
I am really not comfortable not inviting them, but at the same time, it wouldn't mean anything to me if they were there. And spending 400 dollars on that family doesn't seem like something i would want to do.
Any suggestions on how I can say no?
thanks....