Post # 1
My Fiance penis is too big. It hurts ALOT and makes having sex seem like a chore. I am nervous that this will affect my relationship long term if we cannot resolve it. Can anyone offer advice?! I have been with other guys and know this situation is unique to him. 🙁
I should add that usually I just try to avoid sex and give him bj’s. He is very happy with this but when we do have sex it makes him crave it more.
Post # 3
More foreplay, more lube, fingering before intercourse, keep your clit stimulated during intercourse so that you aren’t feeling pain (and tightening up, thus making it worse). Favor positions that are a good angle for you (so nothing that’s supposed to make your vaginal canal shorter and tighter). Go SLOW until you loosen up. Communicate with him about what does and doesn’t feel good. Keep non-vaginal sex as a regular part of your intimacy “menu” — most men are not going to complain if you tend to favor blow jobs.
Next time you have your women’s health exam, talk to your gynecologist to make sure that everything’s OK with your setup (it probably is). And remember: babies come out of there. With patience and practice, one well-endowed guy is not going to be a problem forever.
Post # 4
PP’s advice is good. Ask your doctor what you can do, and try to work more foreplay into your sexual routine. Lots of lube, take it slow, you’ll get used to it. Communicate when and how it hurts so he knows how far to go and what positions are the best for both of you.
Post # 5
How long have you been together?
Post # 6
I had a similar problem with my fiance. It took about two months and 20+ attempts before I could actually enjoy it. But don’t worry, it’s a muscle and it stretches given time. My advice would be to use lots of lube, although sex ed taught me to use waterbased to avoid irritation, I found that the oil based ones were much better in this case and wouldn’t dry up so fast and were much smoother. Also the easiest position when he’s big is missionary with your legs apart and bent but relaxed, avoid doggy style or any position where he’s entering you from the side or behind. Other than that just remember to do a lot of foreplay. You could also watch porn together, although if it’s too graphic some women get more turned off more than they get turned on.
I’m not sure about your sexual history, but one of my friends had sex with her current partner and for a long time she thought she that he was too big and it would hurt each time they did it. As the relationship progressed, she went on the pill and they stopped using condoms and the pain went away immediately. And later she discovered that she was allergic to latex. Depending on your sexual history, do you think it could be an allergy?
Post # 8
@village_skeptic: thank you so much for the great advice! We have tried many of those suggestions but I think sometimes it just seems like too much work so we just kind of “stick it in” and than it hurts after like 3 minutes. The other thing I should mention is that we don’t live together and usually I only stay at his apartment 3-4 nights a week so it just seems so much easier to just give him a bj because I am SO afraid that after not being with him for a few nights it’s going to hurt all over again…
@peachacid: 3+ years
@redorchid86: wow that’s really interesting (about the lube!), I’m going to see what kind it is that we have been using and HOLY CRAP doggy style hurts the most, it can be fine and than all of a sudden it’ll feel like this terrible jab and I get like a sharp pain up my spine ugh!!!! We used to watch porn alot together in the beginning of our relationship so that’s definitely not a bad idea, I think that sometimes it just seems likke all this prep work is just that: work! Also since we don’t live together I always fear the days that we are apart will bring us back to square one again with the pain. Do you really think the more we do it the easier it will become?!
Post # 9
I think the more you do it, the easier it will be. You should check to see if you’re 100% healthy, too. I think I read once that some women’s cervixes are positioned differently which can result in painful sex…but I don’t know, I might be making that up. Talk to your doctor about it.
It could also be a mental thing, where you are thinking about how it hurts, and then not getting excited to have sex.
Post # 10
@I3ee: The right lube made a huge difference, you should also try with different types, not all lube are created equal. Positions are also really important, doggy style was the worse for me as well. Don’t worry about it. It definitely gets better, in the beginning he couldn’t even enter me in missionary. Even after I stopped feeling the pain in missionary, it took a while to adjust to doggy. In the first few months of our relationship we would try to do it and when it became to painful we would adjust to the 69 position and after a while, when it wasn’t painful anymore we would change back. Gradually, the intervals doing 69 decreased and it got easier. It just takes time. It’s already a good sign that he can enter you. I can’t say whether the days spent apart will bring you back to the beginning because my fiance and I were living together when we became sexually active. But it’s normal to take a few months to adjust to eachother.
Post # 11
I had a similar problem years and years ago with another boyfriend. He was just too big! I dreaded having sex – and doggy style was the WORST! It hurt sooooo bad…
Anyway, it turns out that I have a tipped uterus. My uterus just doesn’t really sit properly. It doesn’t cause any other problems other than the problem we’re talking about.
I just wanted to throw that in there, that you could have a tipped uterus that is contributing to the problem. Taking it slow, using lube, etc are all great ideas but you should also check with you doctor!
Post # 12
LUBE!!! My FIRST bf had a penis that was too big…it was horrible sometimes. I couldn’t do it more than once a week because still healing 🙁
Post # 13
I also have this issue. It is usually painful to have sex with my SO. It really started to become an issue because I never wanted to do it and would sometimes cry because of the pain while it was happening.
As of late I have been really trying to solve this problem.
Instead of using latex condoms we started using trojan supra (latex free)
Instead of using lube we started using coconut oil. It is safe and natural. I found that lube would burn because of all the friction. His penis is so large for me there is a lot of friction.
You have to be careful using the coconut oil. It can break down latex making to condom ineffective. Supra is the only one i can find that you can use with oil based lubes.
Also I really have to be in the zone. I have to clear my mind and focus on my breathing. I think the pain would be worse because i would be so nervous about it before we even started doing anything.
Hope this helps!!
Post # 14
My Fiance has a large penis as well, and I have had three kids. There are still times that Iget that pain you describe, and my lady parts are all good 🙂 We started getting into a bit of stretching…basically have him work a finger, then two, then three, etc. Have him do this over a period of a few weeks. Then, if you are comfortable with it, move to four fingers or even part of his hand eventually. Your vagina will not stay that way, but it will help stretch it out a bit to accomodate his larger member.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2012 - Prairie Production- Chicago (loft)
It hurts when I have sex with my Fiance, but I have found that’s mostly becasue I tend to rush it- I really dont have the time to spend 2 hours or so fooling around, but you kinda have to. My doctor did an examination and found that I am shorter inside than most other women on average, but suggested that foreplay is the key.
If I make the time to stetch foreplay out for at least a half an hour- the pain is almost gone. I also found it helps when he talks to me about what he’s doing. Makes the whole process more erotic.
I may not be the quickie type- but we now try to schedule one session a week where we can really take our time. FYI- Im not for lube- burns a little- but have found that if he puts some saliva on his hand when warming me up- both that and my natural juice- makes sex easier and more enjoyable.
Post # 16
OP, I’m in the same position. The whole jab and pain up the spine thing? I totally feel your pain. It is the worst! I found it hard to tell him that he was so big without it sounding like a line to feed his ego. I was like “no really, you’re so big i feel like i need to be dilated.” he is getting better at going slow but it still hurts like a b!tch.