(Closed) unwatned bridesmand

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ahhhh… emotional hostage is a terrible thing!!!  and that is what your mother is doing.

I say its your day, when i first started reading this, I was like wtf would she pick her anyhow, then i got to the “sister” part.

I say dump her (coming from experience)…  If you don’t dump her, you will regret it forever, but if you do dump her you will regret it only for a minute…

the drama will die down soon enough.

JMHO:)  good luck ((hugs))

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

If you asked her to be a BM you are stuck.  If you didn’t want her she shouldn’t have been asked.

Post # 5
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Did your mom volunteer her to be a BM? Ask her if she even wanted to be one, because she might not, and that might be why she’s acting up. Maybe suggest to your mom that the stress of being a bm is too much for your sister with her habit, so you think it’d be best for everyone that she takes the low stress approach to the wedding and just be a guest. Remind your mom that your sister hasn’t done anything appropriate like promised. 

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

After your sister’s behavior at the shop I would replace her.  Explain to your mother that you love your sister very much but you are not comfortable having her as a bridesmaid and your decision is final. You are an adult and it’s your wedding. Best wishes!

Post # 8
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Little Lady: very well said…

 

if your mature enough to get married… you are mature enough to say no!  you can do it!  we have faith!

had to edit this cuz it sounds bitchy and harsh and I do not mean it to sound that way…  I just mean, if its causing you this much distress…  then its not worth it… its going to ruin your whole wedding experience.  this is suppose to be a happy time in your life.  And I have faith you can make the right decision, for your own happiness… not the people around you.

Ronney

Post # 9
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would have a conversation with your sister about wether she really even wants to be in your wedding or not. Explain to her that she has responsibilites as a bridesmaids, and that these are AVERAGE bridesmaids responsibilites (so that she knows you aren’t being a bridezilla), and that if she isn’t going to act like an active part of your wedding party that you’ll seriously consider replacing her. I mean, she’s your sister, so you want to give her a fair opportunity to stand with you on your wedding day, but if you put your cards on the table and she turns up her nose at them, then that’s HER fault. Then next time your mother insists she will behave as a bridesmaid you can tell her that you’ve had a discussion and that your sister has made it clear that she has no intention to do any such thing. At the very least you mom will have to stop acting like it’s a non issue.

Post # 10
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Unless your mom is paying for the wedding, I say tell your sister that her behavior makes you worry that she isn’t going to behave appropriately at the wedding. The covering her ears thing is insane.

I feel you–I’m struggling with whether to uninvite my sister. (There is no middle ground with her, she’s either my MOH or she’s not coming and will probably burn my house down.) She’s got a history of doing really stupid, awful things, and yet I’m not sure about whether to have her there or not. So far she’s already blown up and said she won’t come two (or is three now?) times. She always changes her mind, but it’s driving me nuts. I’ve put up with her abuse since we were kids–I don’t want to spend my wedding day trying to calm her down. If she can’t chill out for twelve freaking hours of my life, do I want her there?

Post # 11
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you have to keep her – she is your family.  The thing that struck me the most about your post was how you called her a “Drug addict” as if to be an insult.  It rubbed me the wrong way.  If your sister is a person who struggles with addiction, maybe you should try being nicer to her… it sounds like she is having a hard time in her life right now.

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Is your mom paying for the wedding? If not, kick the sister out, and tell your mom “She’s no longer in the wedding, end of discussion.”

Just because someone is family, does not mean they can treat you like crap and still be treated nicely.  You should have people standing up for you who want to be there, not because your mom is forcing you to

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow… This is your sister. You need to keep her.  You also need to make clear to both her and your mother, your MINIMAL expectations of her. i.e. Get fitted for the dress, show up on time and smile for the camera.  You never know where life will lead and chance are you will regret not having her in your pictures down the road.

Post # 14
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I say keep her, but don’t think of her as a BM. Think of her as someone who happens to be wearing the same dress as some of your firends. Invite her to things, but don’t give her any responsibilities. I’d also ask my friend to be a BM. You can have uneven sides. Plus, if she is unreliable and an addict, there is a chance she might not even show up that day.

But hopefully, one day, she will no longer be an addict. Don’t you want to be able to look at your photos 20 years from now and have her at your side?

Post # 15
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh my goodness… I am so sorry that your sister is behaving in this way, but she is your SISTER.  I agree 100% with mmsva- keep her, but do not have any expectations of her.  Long after your wedding is over, she will still be your family, and I would hope that you would be supportive of her in helping her get the help that she needs to be healthy even though she cannot be supportive of you right now.

I’m just of the opinion that you don’t want to ever have any regrets.  What if, one day, your sister cleans up her life and repairs her relationship with you?  Wouldn’t you feel sad that you didn’t share this moment with her?

Post # 16
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Miss Root: I agree about not having regrets. I started thinking about ‘what if she cleans up…’, but then I started thinking, ‘what if he addiction leads to death?’ Would you regret not having her be apart of your BP if in 1 year or 5 years she dies?

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