Post # 1
So I was married just last week at a destination wedding. The venue for the ceremony was picturesque and the reception venue was killer too. There were a few minor setbacks but all in all everyone had a great time. i was proud by my planning job and the vendors i had chosen!
Something is nagging at me. In the morning of my wedding my sister calls my hotel room and says that we can’t use her room to get ready in because her son is nauseus and if we could use our mothers room, no, i said, since my mother smokes a lot and i knew if i smelled it all morning i would feel sick and probably everyone else involved would too. So she says ok we can do it in hers. Then when we are making our way down to her room her husband calls me and snaps at me to get my butt down there because the hairdressers were there. we were coming at ten and we still had 5 minutes. I let those things slide everyone was stressing. So fine we are getting ready and I realize that I had forgotton to arrange a midnight pastry thing and if my BIL could go down to the grocery store and grab like maybe 35 croissants (as many guests as there were). He goes and can’t find the store, or something and i think its over with. An hour later im told that he went to the most expensive patisserie in town and buys twice as much as we need and that I owe $250!!!!! i was like no, im not paying for that! so my mom starts saying she will pay, but she is retired and doesn’t have much so i said no way. I asked my sister what she was thinking and she starts going off that they had a job to do and they did it (in a very rude voice) the only reason i didnt cry was bc i was getting my makeup done. So I pull myself together and realize that with 20 mins left to go we have forgotten to wrap our flowers in ribbon! So I ask if she can do this since i am doing ten million other things. she starts and then goes, oh those scissors wont cut the ribbon. so i go, cut it fine, do the rest of it myself while she does her makeup. gee thanks for all your help. and then after the ceremony back at the hotel she informs me that she told her husband to go to the hotel bar for the reception, not the suite i had booked, so i almost had a panic attack thinking everyone went to the wrong place, and she doesnt say “oh let me go there and get them” just says “im just along for the ride”… um maid of honour? you should be helping things go smoothly not f things up! Then to top it all off, they start smack talking my very expensive and very professional photographer, because he didnt want to shoot somewhere there was no light. he runs lighting workshops btw, so i would say yes he knows where to shoot. i was so upset with them all day and usually we get along so well. I feel like they gave me so much more stress than i needed and it showed on me all day.
Normally we are very close and she doesn’t act this way to me, but over all the wedding stuff she’s has been so difficult in every single aspect. I just wanted to have a beautiful day and i feel a little robbed of that. On top of everything else, i cannot bring myself to return her calls or texts. I want to talk to her about it but I only get one day wedding day – it’s not fixable now. What do you think, can you relate?
Post # 3
This sounds totally like my mum. If its not about her, or something wasnt as she would do it then its wrong. Yes, I totally relate. Only I feel very judged, you know because I want to have her approval but will never get it. (Am learning to get over it).
In regards to the pastry, I say just let it slide. Theres more than one way to get from A to B.
As for missing the Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities, thats just rude. although you cant go back and change the past, if you feel the need and you were so close, talk to her about it. Maybe there was something wrong with her that day, like the trip was rather expensive for them or something. Or perhaps something more personal. You dont know, but ask and talk about it. Tell her you want to know if everything is alright, she was actin a bit weird on your wedding day.
Post # 4
@jaspermarie: My sister at times is a bit like this at times so I can relate. Except I’m on the other side. She’ll ask me to do impossible tasks (once it was get pastries on Christmas Eve – and she freaked out that they were expensive and crumy. It really wasn’t my fault as it was the only place open and it ruined my Christmas). Also, at a party she was hosting she thought she was running out of food (she clearly wasn’t) so she told me unit to any more. It was crazy so at the end when she asked me to help her I barely help in the clean up. So the reason I’m putting this up is to ask you, do you think maybe you rubbed her wrong first? I know it was your day, etc but sometimes it happens and the person that got hurt won’t be thinking, well they’re stressed. We just think, she’s so rude!
I think maybe you just rubbed her wrong by insisting it be in her room and she didn’t act like an adult about it. You should talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. If you still feel that you don’t want to talk to her after that then don’t but at least she’ll know why and you got it off your chest.
Post # 4
@jaspermarie I’ve only been engaged for 2 months (and I’m not getting married for another year) and I feel so worried that I’m going to have problems like this with some people. My dad’s wife is very keen on giving me her opinion on everything. He is paying and she says she wants me to have whatever I want, and yet there’s so manything she tries to veto. <br /><br />And my cousin has a neighbor who is a wedding planner, she gave me the lady’s number so I could talk with her about ideas. See the thing is, I used to do wedding photography and a bunch of my friends are married so I have no shortage of vendors to use..plus the internet is ripe with reviews and suggestions. My cousin told me not to feel pressured about anything, that the lady was just doing it as a courtesy. I asked if she was upset that I didn’t plan on calling her and she said she was ‘disappointed’ … talk about no pressure. :/ <br /><br />It’s nothing compared to what you went through but I just worry that things are going to be so much worse the closer we get to the date. I’ve been in a wedding that afterward I no longer talked to the bride and groom. I was a bridesmaid, broke and there were so many expenses and they weren’t understanding to the fact that I was only making about $60 a week because my hours had been cut. I vented to a friend and it got back to the bride. I don’t want things like this to happen with my family and my wedding…
Post # 5
jaspermarie: Now that we are planning our wedding and it’s coming in a few months, I’ve come to the conclusion that brides do not stress it’s the other people around her wedding that cause her to stress.
My Fiance and I are doing great, we have things under control. We are calm but some people in our bridal party are stressing us out because they’ve suddenly turned weird (we really aren’t asking for a lot and don’t contact them much to ask for anything). My Future Mother-In-Law is a basketcase sometimes, she’s obsessed with the wedding that she pesters us ALL the time about it. We tell her a couple of things and then she’ll ask the same question again. If we say we’re planning on doing something she’ll ask us daily whether or not we’ve done it yet. It’s super annoying. GIVE US SPACE!!!! We’re grown adults, we can handle or own stuff.
Plus she’s forcibly trying to do a speech at our wedding even though we asked her to just give a speech at the rehearsal dinner, because of time constraints on the actual wedding and 7 other bridal party speeches. She keeps saying she’s going to do one anyways. It’s rather frustrating.
I think you should just be honest with your sister and say you were disappointed in how she acts that day. That you needed her to be there for you and she wasn’t.
I don’t know why people get weird, maybe because they’re stressed too. Luckily my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my BM’s are so helpful and awesome that they’ll have my back on the day of.