Upcoming Wedding…Without A Mom.

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Very sorry to hear you are struggling…I can’t imagine being in your shoes. But try to think of the positive. You have a wonderful, supportive fiance who is willing to stand up for you. You are having a wonderful wedding. And weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes. Hopefully once he emotions die down, his family can accept your decisions and respect you. If not, screw them! You will create your own family. Plus, family isn’t just about blood – good friends can be family, too, in my opinion. I’m sorry you lost your mom. Hopefully you can still enjoy the holidays and your wedding, despite the sadness from her not being there. Chin up!!!

Post # 4
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am so sorry this is so hard for you. Yes holidays without our cherished loved ones is very hard. I no longer have my parents and my only child is also deceased (she died 3 weeks shy of her 21st birthday), so I know the sadness you are feeling.

My family also wrote me off after my Mother died. In retrospect, I think they were only nice to me because of my Mother. In my teens I was a bit of a wild child and they really kind of wrote me off in their heads before my Mother died. But I never did anything really terrible and I was genuinely surprised when after my Mothers death that they wouldn’t even accept the Christmas cards I mailed! They didn’t even attend my daughters memorial service!

So continue to stand your ground with your FMIL and plan a lovely wedding. Your dear Mother will be with you in spirit tomorrow and on your wedding day as well. *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Overwhelmed:  my father passed away when I was very young, so I know the feeling of not having something very close to you at your wedding. I did however do a few things to incorporate him in the wedding. I am glad a I did.

Your mom will be there in spirit watching over you. I know it sounds corny or cliche but its true.

My father and my DHs grandmother definitely made their presence known. When were saying our vows, the sun was peeking through the glass of the church multiple times, it was like they were there peeking in on us. its very emotional for the both of us

Post # 6
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Overwhelmed:  DATE TWINS!!! Just woke up and sent a text to FI about how we are just 5 months awaaaay yey! 

 

I am so sorry about your mom :/, and deffinitely weddings can bring out the worst from people. But, hey you are a Christian! me too! Our source of strenght is eternal!

hugs for youuuu

Post # 7
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

I think your FMIL is really rude. It’s like rubbing in your face that she has this big family and you don’t. Some people never stop to think of how their words affect others. 

Honestly, have the small wedding you want. If my family wouldn’t disown me, I’d love to run off and elope. Stick to your guns!

Post # 8
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my father passed away and i never had a relationship with his side of the family after my father’s parents divorced. 

i also don’t have many relatives left, so my invited guest list was very small.

but think quality over quantity.  i had a fabulous wedding and you will too.

hugs.

 

Post # 10
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Sorry about your mom. My sister lost her mom(my surragant mother) on Christmas Eve.

Post # 11
Member
4778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am sooooo very sorry to read this. I became an orphan the day after I turned 16 but I can not imagine having to know it was because it was my parents choice. That really damn sucks. I am so sorry. I understand your feelings, though I’m not married yet. My bf has also lost his mom so it’s good we can be there for each other. I also understand the shit you’re getting for cohabiting. My friend is just so perfect and always has shit to say about us living together and how we’re going to hell. Well so be it, we’ll go together. We made the choice to move in together, and so far it has worked for us after 2 years, and I am so glad we did it. I know how hard the first holidays can be without your loved one, hell they’re still hard for me 10 years later (April will be 10 yrs for my mom and 6 for my dad, I’m 22) but as long as you have your support system you can get through it!!

Post # 12
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s hard. I lost my mum when I was 12 so I always knew from then she wouldn’t be there, and while that sucked, I learned to deal with it. Ignore all those rude comments. All you need to focus on is you and your fiance. Don’t worry about what anyone else has to say. I’m so sorry for your loss, but congratulations on your upcoming wedding. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I understand the feeling very well, my mom passed when I was 4 so she’s missed just about everything but I’ve never really had any major event besides graduating high school and college. I don’t talk to my FMIL at all as her and my FI are estranged. I just try to put it in the back of my mind as much as possible and focus on the positive side of things, like the event and the positive aspects of wedding planning. It sucks but at least we have wonderful FI’s by our side! You can also include your mother by adding something to your ceremony or event that’ll pay homage to her memory, so that she’s a part of it; I’ll be including a yellow rose in our centerpieces since yellow was my mothers favorite color.

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