(Update 2) SO of 5 yrs broke up with me- I'm not 'the one'

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@AussieSummer:  I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with this.  I’ve kept up with your posts and I have to say that you are handling this with grace and he needs to give you space.

It’s like he wants to ease his own guilt by contacting you, telling you he needs to explain but nothing will change, then saying it’s your fault too?  You are not even soliciting his feedback on the situation!!!!!

I know that the upcoming months may be difficult for you.  Have you ever been alone before? Looking back, after a bad breakup I went through, it was the first time I was ever alone (except for work, visiting family), and honestly, it was one of the best times in my life.  I got to really know myself and my wants, and I grew more than I ever had.

I wish the same for you.

Good luck and we are here for you!

Post # 4
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If he cannot stop contacting you, I would block his number for the time being.  At this point, him continuing to text you after you’ve (repeatedly!) asked him not to contact you is just rubbing salt in an open wound.  Give yourself a break from his phone calls/texts, (block him on social media as well, if you have to), and let yourself heal.  If at some point you feel ready, willing, and able to renew contact, then unblock him and send him a text to see if he’s ready to talk about things like an adult.

Post # 5
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am so, so, sorry.  Reading your posts made me so sad for you.  First of all, I want to commend you for trying to establish some boundaries with him.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t respect your boundaries.  But you’re absolutely right, just because he texts you does NOT mean that you HAVE to read the text.  OR reply to it.  You don’t owe him anything.  Can you block his number, to give yourself some time to think?

Hang in there and don’t forget to take very good care of yourself.  And please keep us updated!

Post # 7
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry. This really sucks. Sometimes it is better to just cut him off your life. I for once, had to do that once in order to be able to move on. It hurt me because I could not understand why I needed to stop talking to someone who I spent 9 years with and shared so many things. But under the circumstances, it was the only way to move forward. Years later, we do have sporadic conversations on B-days and important moments. Nothing romantic but very cordial, civilized communication sometimes. I can only speak for myself but I was able to do that only once I had healed for the most part. One time he contacted me, and when i realized I really didn’t care and it didn’t hurt me anymore, I opened the line of communication.

Maybe he is the type of person that after a while you realize you can be on friendly terms with. Or maybe you realize that after all, he is not someone that you want in your life in any way. 

For  now, and considering your friends won’t be able to spend time with you, I would suggest try something new. Join a group of something, start a new sport (sorry, sporty bee here), dance class, yoga… Something to keep you busy and you might find it fun after all. Sometimes we invest so much in our relationships that we don’t even make “my” time for ourselves. Also, consider making a list of places to visit close to where you are. Different activities and experiences to keep you busy and get you out of the house. Time flies when you are out and about.

IDK maybe if you’ve always liked fashion start takingg a design class? You get the point. Good luck and a big hug 

Post # 8
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sounds like her is sure that he wants to end things. Which sucks, but it’s better that this is clear. The problem is that he stil cares about you (most people still care about their ex when they break up) so he feels guilty that he’s made you feel bad and wants to be sure you’re okay. He problem with this is that his contact i just making it worse for you. I would simpy ignore his contact. Don’t open texts or emails. Don’t answer his calls. If you feel the need to get closure later, after you’ve had some time to heal, then you can do that. But for now, I’d just work on healing you and leave him be.

Post # 9
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ever hear the song “Take the Pieces When You Go” by The Wreckers????  This sounds like your soundtrack girl.  This is really hard, I went on a “break” with my last boyfriend and he did the same stuff, just wouldn’t leave me alone!  I would just keep telling him to leave you alone, he is doing more damage than good.  Until he is ready to either break up or get back together he should needs to stop contacting you.  I’m sorry I don’t have any other advice.  But the bees and I are here for you!

Post # 10
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Do not reply when he messages you. You are not obliged to.

Post # 11
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Stick to your guns! It’s a good thing you’re not marrying this guy.. he’s immature and does not respect you. Stop taking his calls. You have nothing to discuss. You need a clean break. He is disrupting your healing!



Post # 12
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@AussieSummer:  I’m so sorry to hear this. You sound like you are handling it very maturely, while he is just trying to ease his own guilt.

Do you have any big projects that you’ve been waiting a while to do? Sometimes having a lot of time to yourself can be nice – no having to compromise on what other people want to do. Where in Aus do you live?

Post # 13
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@AussieSummer:  First off, yes you should stop responding to him. He is trying tyo alleviate his own guilt, and is now going to randomly blaming you for his own mistakes. You don’t need that. You gave him boundaries, and he broke them. Do NOT respond.

Also, do a few things refreshing for yourself. Yoga class, hikes, scenic walks, read, write, etc. Keep yourself busy, even if you are busy by yourself.

Post # 14
3557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Stop replying to him. He’s just hurting you more and dragging out your recovery process. He freed you from thinking about him and his feelings when he broke up with you. Your number one priority is you, so you do what you need to to heal. If that includes cutting him out of your life, do it. Try not to think of those four weeks as four weeks alone without friends, but 4 weeks in which you can do whatever you want. Want to learn a new hobby? Meet new people? Make new friends? What ever you have been idly considering, do it. You have a fresh start and you can be a new you with new interests. Go live your life and happiness will find you again.

Post # 15
980 posts
Busy bee

He’s being such a tool. Stop replying to him. Tell him you’re deleting his number (and actually delete it) because he can’t abide by your wishes. Delete him off Facebook. Stop replying to him. He wants to have you hang around but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you and that isn’t what you want so all contact needs to stop otherwise he will continue to think that what he’s doing is okay. 

Post # 16
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

He is contacting you because HE FEELS GUILTY

He clearly isn’t making any effort to change things, or make amends… he just feels bad about HIMSELF and wants to put that off on you

(afterall you aren’t THE ONE… and not perfect enough to marry… so WHY shouldn’t you be The One to bear the most of the pain in this thing including his own Guilt & Pain… that is EXACTLY what he is thinking.  Cause he’s been an @sshole man… and not a Man-Man)

Any REAL MAN-MAN would quickly label this guy a coward & an @sshole.

DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY OF THIS SATISFACTION in being able to get to you for whatever reason needs to (ie alleviating his Guilt)

Do not reply to him.  I know it is hard, but change your frickin number / contact info if you have to.

You don’t DESERVE to be treated this way… and less so to be treated this way when he knows you still Love Him / Have Feelings for him.


Be glad he isn’t in your life any more

You need to tell him you are OVER him and have moved on !!

Let him wallow in the pain he’s created… his mess, why should you have to be the one to clean up ???

As Greg Behrendt says:

 “Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.”  


Time to cut the cord !!

(( HUGS ))


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