Update!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do?
    Move with him but issue an ultimatum. : (7 votes)
    9 %
    Move with him and just wait to see if he upholds his timeline. : (19 votes)
    25 %
    Refuse to move in without an engagement. : (38 votes)
    51 %
    Other (Explain below.) : (11 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Future_MrsReeves:  How is your BF able to make a downpayment on that house, or any house? He has he gone in to be able to see how much of a mortage he’d be able to afford on his salary?

    Based on his past track record, I wouldn’t move in with him unless he showed you that he has changed his ways. Your kids (and you) deserve to be happy…and you have to decide if they are better off without him. It still sounds to me like you have personal things to work on as well and again, I highly suggest looking into counseling.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Future_MrsReeves: They are valid questions. Your past posts don’t paint him as a man who is financially stable, having two jobs or not. It is common to go in and see how much money you can afford to pay on a house before you decide to buy and make a downpayment.

    I’m sorry you perceive honesty as negativity. Whether you like it or not, posting on a message board you will get opinons.

    Post # 8
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Future_MrsReeves:  you ask would he really have any incentive to buy me a ring?

     

    only you can know the answer to that if you are questioning it then I think that is your answer. You also can’t ask for opinions on a message board and expect them all to agree with you.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Future_MrsReeves:  I only asked based on information that you have previously posted. Again, it was a valid question.
    I am sorry that you feel insulted, but I gave you honest advice. I am sorry that I am not going to blow sunshine up your arse like you were expecting. Carry on.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    You already have a child with him, so I don’t understand not moving in without an engagement unless you’re co-signing the mortgage. I haven’t followed your previous posts, so I don’t know your situation.

    Will he get comfortable playing house? It’s always possible, but I don’t know. If this is just a tactic used by him to gain a few more years, an ultimatum isn’t going to make a difference. You’d still already be moved, and he still wouldn’t be marrying you.

    If it’s not a tactic, then you have nothing to worry about. You know him best, so only you know if he would try to stall you with the chat the two of you had.

    ^ I don’t know if that counts as negativity; I was trying to explain my vote. If you’re not co-signing the mortgage, go ahead and move in.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s exciting that he wants to buy a house – but please just remember. This won’t fix anything that’s currently an issue (ie, not seeing him enough, him not helping you take care of the kids, him being a horrible roommate before). To me, this sounds like a way for him to continue to put off an engagement and marriage, not a solution.

    Sorry, OP, I want to be happy for you, but it’s hard based on your previous statements about what a sucky bf/father he seems to be sometimes. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I wouldn’t do it. He seems to have had a rapid change of heart suddenly and I would give it some time before I would consider moving in with him. You need to make sure that this change in his attitude is not fleeting and see if he actually STAYS responsible. 

    Just continue your relationship as it is now and let it become more stable before you move in with him. That’s my two cents. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I also want to add that it’s not really “playing house.” Having children and living together isn’t really playing at anything. SO’s parents lived together, had children, and didn’t get married until my SO was a teenager. They were committed with or without it and are still together. They just got a marriage license and had it notarized without any ceremony.

    I am very much for marriage, but I just wanted to clarify a bit. If your SO is wanting to be a father and a partner and provide a home, that is a pretty good thing. Once again, I haven’t followed your other posts, so I know nothing about this man.

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