Post # 1
Hope you are all doing well. About two weeks ago i posted the heart wrenching decision that my former fiance made. He decided to leave me after 9 years and after proposing to me. I had no idea i was going to survive two weeks without him. It has been so difficult to wake up in the morning. I havent been eating well. I been also missing work. It has been to difficult to accept that he is no longer here. I felt that not only my fiance was taken away but my future husband and best friend. I have known him since i was 14. I am still struggling to understand Gods perfect plan to all of this. I miss him every day and everything absolutely everything reminds me of him. But i do see above everything how this marriage wouldnt have worked. He admitted that he couldn’t see himself maried to someone like me. He also admitted that i wouldnt be the person i am today if it wasnt for him. He also said that he thought me everything i know today. I often wonder why would someone that has known me my whole life say that. According to him i was not worth it and adfter many years he finally came forward. The things that hurts the most is the fact that he never really loved me…he cared for me tremendously. I will admit that but never loved me the way i did. He hasnt call or text or email and at times i do take a look at my phone for a magical i am sorry “i made a huge mistake for leaving you” but i am conscious that will never happen. He does not deserve my heart any more. I am still left broken and confuse. Everything in my life has been turned upside down. I was planning for a June 15 wedding…to move in with him. The pain is still very raw…everyone has said that time will heal…but i will never forget how much one person hurt me. The way he left was horrible…he couldnt even do it face to face. He blamed me for leaving and said that i just wasnt good enough. I am still recovering from how he left. I know it will take time but i hope and pray every day that that day will come soon because i could barely breathe some times. Even though he has hurt me so much i still love him so much and wish that the old boy i met when i was 14 would come back. I was reading the letters he would send me when i was younger and he thought the world of me. That boy would have never left the way he did.
Bees life is not perfect… i just lived through the most horrible experience any bride to be could possibly go through. I feel like my future was stolen from me and my past was tainted forever. Its hard to say this but i hope one day i will look back at this experience that left me with almost no life and smile and thank God for interfering with destiny. But for now my heart still aches every day…and is broken into pieces that no one can ever replace. I hope i find love again and that this horrible ordeal doesnt leave me angry and shattered forever. I am on this road to rediscovering myself and so far all i see i pain.
Thank you bees for reading this post.
Post # 3
I just want to say how sorry I am. I truly understand how you feel right now, but you WILL get through this. One particular part of your post stood out to me:
That boy would have never left the way he did.
I think you hit the nail on the head right there – he was a boy then. You change so much through your teen and young adult years, and people become what they might have thought they wouldn’t. I know it’s hard to rectify who he is today with who he was then, but just remember that you are worth REAL love and support. If he can’t or won’t offer that, then it’s definitely for the best that you are parting ways.
Hang in there!
Post # 4
Oh my goodness! I am so, so, so sorry to hear this! I really bow down to you right now that the fact you are thinking straight, even through this extremely difficult time. Many people don’t take these sort-of things as well as you do. You should feel really proud of yourself, treat yourself to a spa or to get a mani-pedi. I personally believe, everything happens for a reason. This may be for the better for you. I am so sorry something like this truly happened to you. You are right life is not perfect. We all have these sort-of days. God bless you and your kind heart.
Post # 5
Thank you ladies so much…for the encouraging words. Here is to hoping one day…i will be ok.
Post # 6
@butterfly1988: I’m so sorry for all the pain you are going through, but it truely sounds like you’re in the best place given the circumstances. You are right–one day you will be grateful for this experience. While we weren’t together for 9 years, my high school boyfriend and I were together for 3 and when we broke up I was absolutely crushed. I cried every day for months. Now I look back and I’m so thankful. I’m thankful for the time we were together and all the things it taught me. I’m thankful he broke my heart and taught me I could live through it and be stronger. And I’m very very thankful I’m not his wife.
Keep working at being happy. Join a club, take a class, start walking in the fresh air every day…. you will build a life on your own that you can be happy with.
Post # 7
Your past is NOT tainted forever. Your past is what makes you into the woman you are today. Good, bad and otherwise. It won’t be tomorrow or next week or maybe even next year, but you will look back at this someday. Not with shame or sadness, but with pride at the woman you’ve become, and the strength that you’ve gained from this. You’ll look back at this and think on him and laugh at the thought of settling for such a fool. And believe it or not, someday you will be so incredibly grateful that this happened, because it gave you the opportunity for true happiness.
Post # 8
*lots of hugs*so sorry to hear this!
Honestly I do know exactly what you are going through because FH actually broke off our engagement back in November 2012. I was devestated and feeling just the way you did. I cried myself to sleep every night and pretty much kept to myself. We did see each other face to face to give each other’s stuff back and that was that. I was so hurt because I felt so strongly for him and time and time again he told me he felt strongly about me too. I went to work and just kept my mind focused on that. I did treat myself to a little shopping and just enjoyed the time alone and in the end I just said to myself “if things are meant to be it will happen for us”.
Like someone said people do tend to change between a teen and an adult. I know FH is not the way he is when he was in his younger years. He’s a much better person and understands how a relationship should really be. We did work out our issues but I know something like that can’t happen for everyone.
It’s best that it was realized now rather than divorcing later. I’m sure you will find someone but take your time. Focus on you 🙂
Post # 9
I know it hurts. And it seems like life has no meaning. But it does. YOU are important! Be kind to yourself. Do something nice for yourself(a mani or pedi or facial) Take a walk with a friend. Call someone. Do things you love to do. Always wanted to do. Never dreamed of doing.
Just know that you were not the problem. And at least you found out now~before you got married.
Post # 10
“i hope one day i will look back at this experience that left me with almost no life and smile and thank God for interfering with destiny”
You will. 100%
So sorry you’re going through this, life is so painful sometimes. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself though, try to get some sleep and eat well, surround yourself with good people <3
Post # 11
Hang in there dear. *hugs*
So sorry that you had to go through this, but in the end, I am sure fate is saying that it wasn’t meant to be, better that it be now rather then after you are married. Stay strong and please surround yourself with family and friends during this difficult time. The pain will eventually start subsiding, so in the meantime, like you mentioned, focus on rediscovering yourself and take care of yourself both mentally and physically. Its tough, like others, I know, I’ve been there (mine was only a 7 yr relationship, we were extremely happy, and I didnt see it coming, my ex-dumped me). Let this be your opportunity to continue to grow as a person, you will find someone who loves you and is deserving of you.
Post # 12
God does indeed have a plan for you…he plans on presenting someone who DESERVES your love, someone who loves you as much as you love them, and when you least expect it he will be there.
I think this is the perfect time to start eating healthy, burning those old love notes, and start joining some clubs. You may hurt for months, maybe even a year, but it WILL get better and you WILL heal but the healing starts with you.
Many, many hugs 🙂
Post # 13
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually, it WILL get better, your heart will heal and when the time is right your wiser self will find the person you’re meant to be with.
Post # 14
@butterfly1988: He obviously wasn’t the right man for you. Painful as it might be now, it will one day be a distant memory. Head up, get your life back on track, and next thing you know it won’t hurt anymore. The more you mope about, skipping work acting as if life is over, the more pain you are bringing onto yourself.
Post # 15
….Thank you so much for the encouraging words you have all said…..i feel like sometimes i take a step forward and two steps back…i guess thats the way i feels grieving for a relationship. I have also been to a therapists already…which has been helpful…saying out loud that the engagement is off doesnt hurt as much as it did two weeks ago…i wonder if i should give myself a deadline when to honestly get myself back….i been trying but its so difficult….i am still really hurt….
Post # 16
Here is a quote my friend told me yesterday…haven’t known my guy for 9 years like you, but he did a 180 on me too: “When things fall apart, they are actually falling into place.”
I agree with what other ladies are telling you: be good to yourself, right now do any and all things that make you happy, join a gym and get what they call “revenge booty” :), learn new makeup tricks….he will regret it one day…but you will be too happy to care…take care love.