Weddingbee boards

I wrote this post yesterday, and the responses I've gotten have made an impact on me.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/terrified-and-dont-know-what-to-do

Thank you women for being so honest, comforting, and special.

I called my Mom this morning and told her how I was feeling and that we've been fighting.  Being my Mom, she tried to calm me down and tell me to breathe... and not to make any irrational decisions.  Then I told her about the door busting fight.  She told me that maybe we need some time apart, and I agreed.  She was literally walking into work so she had to go, so I called my sister.  Big sister told me that all couple fight, and that maybe I should come home early so the FI and I could work things out long distance.  She tried to talk me down for about an hour.

Then I called my Dad.  He listened to my story without saying much for the first few minutes, which I appreciate.  Then I told him about the fight with the chase and FI punching a hole in the door.  He suddenly cut me off and said, "You need to GET OUT of there, baby, and come HOME.  Can you get a flight today?  Tomorrow?  Do you need money?  I can take off work to come pick you up at the airport!"  I just started weeping, and when I calmed down after a minute he told me that this is a warning sign and things are not going to get better.  He said that people who are set in their ways are never going to change, and that I should never EVER tolerate that kind of behavior.  I love my Daddy.

So I'm going home.  Luckily, I already have a flight back in a few weeks that I can change for tomorrow or the next day.  I'm waiting for FI's parents to get home so I can tell them everything, and knowing them... they'll probably take me to the airport themselves.  They're really amazing people.  Or at least, they'll get me on the right bus as soon as possible.

I don't know if I'm calling off the engagement or the wedding... I need some time alone to decide what I want to do.  The shitty thing is... I really love this man.  But I can't live a life filled with fear and anxiety.  And that's something I KNOW for sure.

Thank you again, a million times over. 

Thank you for your updates! Please keep them coming so we can keep supporting you.

Well, I thought I'd come back and let you all know how things turned out!

I went home to the US, but couldn't get a flight back for a whole WEEK after this incident.  FI's parents came down on him really hard, and I think he really saw the whole picture.  We ended up making up before I left, and since I've been gone we've become even closer than before!  It's almost like this situation came just at the right time... now I've got the sweet, silly, fun-loving, affectionate man back... who I fell in love with in the first place! 

Oh, and a side note... I didn't know it at the time, but the door he punched a hole in was not only hollow, but a cheap balsa wood door they had put up temporarily.  That's why FI didn't understand why I was so upset.  He literally put his hand on it with some force and it crumpled under his XXXXL hand.  No punching involved.

But all in all, peace has been restored.  I'm actually happy this happened BEFORE the wedding, and we were able to work through the issue and make the CHOICE to go ahead with the marriage.  Thanks again Bees!!  

I'm glad to hear that you stood up for yourself It sounds like having some time apart really helped with the situation. All the best to you and keep us updated :)