Post # 1
I wrote this post yesterday, and the responses I’ve gotten have made an impact on me.
Terrified and Don’t Know What to Do!!
Thank you women for being so honest, comforting, and special.
I called my Mom this morning and told her how I was feeling and that we’ve been fighting. Being my Mom, she tried to calm me down and tell me to breathe… and not to make any irrational decisions. Then I told her about the door busting fight. She told me that maybe we need some time apart, and I agreed. She was literally walking into work so she had to go, so I called my sister. Big sister told me that all couple fight, and that maybe I should come home early so the FI and I could work things out long distance. She tried to talk me down for about an hour.
Then I called my Dad. He listened to my story without saying much for the first few minutes, which I appreciate. Then I told him about the fight with the chase and FI punching a hole in the door. He suddenly cut me off and said, “You need to GET OUT of there, baby, and come HOME. Can you get a flight today? Tomorrow? Do you need money? I can take off work to come pick you up at the airport!” I just started weeping, and when I calmed down after a minute he told me that this is a warning sign and things are not going to get better. He said that people who are set in their ways are never going to change, and that I should never EVER tolerate that kind of behavior. I love my Daddy.
So I’m going home. Luckily, I already have a flight back in a few weeks that I can change for tomorrow or the next day. I’m waiting for FI’s parents to get home so I can tell them everything, and knowing them… they’ll probably take me to the airport themselves. They’re really amazing people. Or at least, they’ll get me on the right bus as soon as possible.
I don’t know if I’m calling off the engagement or the wedding… I need some time alone to decide what I want to do. The shitty thing is… I really love this man. But I can’t live a life filled with fear and anxiety. And that’s something I KNOW for sure.
Thank you again, a million times over.
Post # 3
Good Luck, sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself! Good for you!
Post # 4
I am so proud of you. I’m sure telling your parents was difficult, but you definitely did the right thing. I think some time apart from your FI will be good for you both. It’ll give you a chance to figure out what you want to do about your relationship (and wedding), and also make it a little clearer to your FI just how much his behavior has affected you.
Just like your dad said, remember that you should never tolerate that sort of behavior. If your FI is that sort of man who won’t change, then you’re better off without him, because you deserve to be respected and loved. If he’s just the sort of guy who went a little too far one time, hopefully he’ll realize that and it’ll make him more aware of his actions, especially with the woman he wants to marry– honor, protect, cherish and love.
All the best wishes.
Post # 5
It sounds like you made the right decision and that your dad confirmed what you already knew to be the case.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Post # 6
YAY! What a brave step you took! I’m very proud of you and love your dad for what he said to you. Because all of it is true.
Keep us posted. Good luck and have a safe trip home.
Post # 7
Thank you so much for the update – I was worried about you last night (because you were so upset) and I’m really happy to hear that you got to talk to your family and they seem to have the best answer. Aren’t Dads the greatest?
I hope the space and time will give you a chance to make the best decision for you. *bee hugs!*
Post # 8
*hugs* I’m proud of you for being honest with us and most of all yourself. I truly believe you’re doing the right things for the right reasons. And remember, as bad as it seems right now, pushing forward and going through with this would have been a far worse decision.
Let us know how you’re doing okay?
Post # 9
Thank you for your updates! Please keep them coming so we can keep supporting you.
Post # 10
Thank you for the update. I think you did the right thing and gotta love the dads! Let us know how everything goes and I hope everything turns out ok.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
Thank you for the update. I’m really happy for you that you are able to find the strength for this – you need to look out for yourself first always and it sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Good luck, and please keep us updated!
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I have no idea why this posted 3 times…
Post # 13
I missed the initial post, but just read it and your update. Thanks for letting us know what happened. You sound like you have an amazing, supportive family.
Take some time to think about what you want and above all, be kind to yourself. Hugs to you- hope you are well. 🙂
Post # 14
Thanks for letting us know. You have been in my thoughts since yesterday. It sounds like you have a lot of good family support, and I’m so glad that you are able to get away and think things through in a place where you feel safe. ((hugs))
Post # 15
It sounds like you have a great family and you are being very brave. I wish you the best and hope this is a wake-up call for your FI that he has anger management issues. I hope he loves you enough to do everything he can to change so he can be with you, if you can find a way to trust him.