Post # 1
I just wanted to say thank u to all the bees who jumped in to support me after I posted about my situation. Thank you especially to the bees who acknowledged that leaving a dangerous and abusive situation is not easy logistically nor emotionally. I managed to get out of the house while my dad was on the phone. My heart was racing and I found myself thoroughly frustrated that I have Crohn’s and was delayed a few seconds gathering all my meds. In the end it worked out but I realized just how serious the situation was because I was so terrified to get caught! I have found some roommates in my fiancés city to live in a home with for about 500 a month. My fiance wanted me to stay with him but I would rather live with these girls and be closer to my new job (crossed fingers I get it)
My parents are very wealthy. They planned to spend 50k on my wedding and have spent about 10k so far. What should I tell them to do with their money? The honeymoon is already booked in Turks and Caicos. Should we get married there? Should I have a small more accessible New Hampshire wedding with family and friends Who live in that area?
It just seems wrong to be coordinating a wedding with the people who did that to me.
Post # 2
southernbelle92: I’m so glad you did all of that! That’s the hardest part and good for you!!
Please don’t take any money from them for anything. Have a small wedding, or whatever you can afford, or even elope to your honeymoon destination if you want.
It’s up to you, but if it were me I’d keep my parents as far away from the wedding as possible.
Post # 3
I’m so glad that you were able to get out of there! I would feel strange as well to continue planning a wedding with their money. More importantly, it seems that maintaining contact with them would be a bad idea, at least for the time being. I would cancel and return everything which can be returned, and plan something on your own terms. You could elope, head to the courthouse, do a small/intimate wedding, save up for a bigger wedding…totally up to you and your FI. You have options, and you have a ton of people on these boards with good advice and ideas 🙂
Post # 4
Money is one of the ways your parents will dangle before you to get you back into the abusive system. The more you take and accept it, especially right now, the easier it will be for them to rope you back in. If you go on that honeymoon you will lose and they will say “see how you DO still need us? We do this out of love and concern.” If you don’t go you will also get flak about “we lost our deposits because of you…” but if your parents are truly wealthy 1) 10K won’t break the bank and 2) you can always say “no mom, we’re not going. Maybe you guys should go instead.” Also, if you have siblings be prepared for them to be showered with money and praise since you are “snubbing” both now.
Just remember, the price you’ve been paying for that “love and concern” has always been too high.
Also, you should look into counseling at any women’s shelter in your new area now. You will probably need support and guidance into how to truly get out of the abusive system AND how to ensure you won’t fall back into it with your FI and/or future spouse. It’s usually very affordable (or free for a while) and the benefits you’ll get will last you a lifetime of saying no to abusive love in all of it’s forms (parental, romantic, you with your future children, etc).
Post # 5
southernbelle92: So glad that you got away safely. FWIW, I would cancel what was started, return the money if you can, let them know that they can go on the trip, and plan what you want.