Post # 1
okay, so i thought we were doing pretty well recently. i’ve been trying to be more independent and secure with myself. we talked about my issues last week and i thought he understood me. he said he’d try to help me by not making things uneven between us… (uneven as in, not letting me go out to clubs/bars w/ the girls)
today however, we went out to dinner with his several of his guy friends. we’re out of town and they’re visiting. i thought i’d bail after dinner to let them go to bars to have some guy time. (my fi doesn’t like me going to bars) i was trying to not be clingy. so i just went home alone.
he says he’ll be home before midnight because taxis cost $$$ and we’re super broke right now. then i get a text from him saying that he’s at a club and he’s going to be late. this time i’m not too sad. i’m just mad. seems like a one way street to me. i changed the locks just now to our place. i just don’t have the strength anymore. it’s been too long. i’ve been patient enough.
p.s. i guess i’m more pissed he’s at a club because he’s still super opposed to me going to a club.
i want to end it but it also may be my anger talking… i’m miserable again.
Post # 3
RUN! He’s Trying to Control You. He’s not treating you fairly & you obviously feel that. There is no reason why You shouldn’t be able to go with him with his friends to the bar. The only reason a guy asks his girl not to go with him is when he’s misbehaving. & for him to ask you to not go period; Shows he is controlling and doesn’t have trust in your relationship.
Post # 4
OMG, you changed the locks? Do you guys live together? Lol…holy mama.
Post # 5
oh Scarlett 🙁
From your earlier post, you had mentioned that you have been unhappy for some time, and waiting for things to improve. This worries me, because anger or not right now, if unhappiness is a real pattern in your relationship… how can you want to move forward with it?
I know you’ve said counseling is hard where you guys are, but is there ANY way to do couples counseling? Even if it’s over skype with someone in another country? Or is it possible to take a break from the relationship that would allow you to go to another place (maybe home?) where you can figure out where you stand emotionally, and then look again at whether this relationship is healthy or not? Sometimes a little distance and a little time can make a lot of things clear.
Post # 6
Not cool! Me & the FI have an understanding that neither of us go to any bars, clubs, or anything along those lines without each other. I mean, I’d understand for a bachelor party but that’s it. He doesn’t like me going & I don’t like him going. We talked about it & we’re on a common ground. There’s ALWAYS temptation, no matter who you are, so we stay away from it. It sounds like it is just a one-way street with you & your FI. To be honest, you’re in for a long…miserable life if you live this way. & you DON’T want it to be this way. Be strong & stand up for yourself..tell him how you feel, if you can’t go then it needs to be fair.
Post # 7
Aw! I am so sorry you are going through this!
That is definatly not fair.. if he doesn’t want you going than he shouldn’t be going either. I hope things get better!
Post # 8
You changed the locks? Wow! I’m glad that you have the strength to go through with this!
Post # 9
“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”~~Thich Nhat Hanh
What you have to ask yourself is…are you with this person b/c of mutual love, respect, and commitment to each other…or are you with him b/c it’s comfortable and safe…despite your misery. It takes more than love to build a successful relationship. It seems that your FI is controlling every aspect of your life while doing whatever it is that he wants. It’s up to you to make your OWN decision about what you need to be happy and make steps to get those things.
Good Luck in whatever you decide to do
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
I am sorry for your troubles and understand it must be quite difficult to be going through all that you are. It seems your FI has set up a double standard between the two of you and it’s just not right! I don’t know the whole story, but judging from your last post it seems to be a recurring problem that isn’t getting better. I hope you can figure things out…I am not sure what else to say…HUGS!
Post # 11
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I give you so much credit for getting out. This guy seems extremely controlling and that is no way you want to live your life. I’ve been in a relationship such as this and I takes a lot of courage to finally walk away. Good luck and always make sure that you make yourself the number one priority.
Post # 12
i do have a lot of happy moments with him but the unhappiness is soo unbearable when it comes around. we talked about the things that make me feel insecure last week. it was a weak moment for me to tell him everything.
times like these make me feel like i’m worth crap. he just threw all that we talked about right out the window to hang out with his friends. his friends are ALL single. i mean they don’t even have girlfriends. i guess he doesn’t want to be left out because he has a FI. it’s been a huge pattern for him to forget about the promises he makes to me for his friends.
i don’t know if i’m making any sense. forgive me if i’m babbling.
Post # 13
You’re making sense! It sounds like he’s still trying to live in the single world & he needs to grow up if that’s the case! When you get engaged, you commit yourself to that person. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll drop your single friends that you used to hang out with, but it does mean not going out with your single friends as much. I can only imagine the things he’s doing with his “single” friends..
Post # 14
Follow your instincts and do what is best for you. Don’t look back. It’s a new year.
Post # 15
I’m going to be blunt here, having had my own experience with a very unhealthy relationship I’m going to say this in a way you may not like, but I believe in my heart later on you’ll look back and understand.
At no point in time should he be telling you you can’t go here or there. There is some serious double standard going on here…you can’t go out with your girlfriends at all and he “doesn’t like you going to bars”? So…to please him without him even asking you went home early. WTF? Are you afraid of him? Afraid that if you don’t please him you’ll have to deal with his wrath either emotionally or physically? This sounds like a very unhealthy situation.
He’s not forgetting his promises…he just doesn’t care. You deserve so much more. I wouldn’t be just mad, I’d be thinking up an escape plan. RUN!
Post # 16
I think he needs to grow up. He cannot go out to clubs but not let you go yourself. If he doesn’t truly change, you should consider counseling and possibly leaving. You can’t live your life not being able to do things while he is able to do everything.