- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Bees I decided to post an update to http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/dh-decided-to-come-clean-about-more-lies-and-im-numb
Over the weekend, DH decided it was time to come completely clean about his past….AGAIN! I have to admit I’m still in shock. I posted in the order in which he told me…and each one gets worse…so imagine my feelings as he’s telling me this.
1) He said he burned all his old videos onto a DVD so he could have them in case I made him trash the originals…this of course was after I had been living with him and told him I didn’t want that stuff around. He says he was going to go through them at a later date…turns out that the ex-gf sex tapes are now combined with his old family videos and he can’t figure out to separate them to delete them…he says he trashing them all. He mentioned he hasn’t looked at them since he realized he made a mistake.
2) He told me he hooked up a couple of times with a coworker when he was in a fight with his first GF (the one he cheated WITH while dating someone else.) Apparently guys at work told him he should hook up with her….he only did twice and then she introduced him to her kid…which he had no idea about. He worked it out with his ex but never told her.
3) He says he went to a friend’s bachelor party OOT once and one guy took them to a massage parlor and paid for massages for the guys. It turned into a happy ending which also included full blown sex (with protection.) He was shocked it happened but he was a young guy and wasn’t gonna turn it down…he was also in another LT relationship at that point.
4) He also says that while dating the girl mentioned in #3, he paid 2 more hookers while he was out of the country for work. That happened less than 6 months before I met him…not dating…but met…then of course the hooker in Amsterdam happened.
I’m really at a loss for words….part of me is disgusted and the other part says this all happened BEFORE we got together so it shouldn’t matter….b/c we’ve all done some shitty things in our past. But honestly, IF I had known this 2 years ago, I don’t think I would have stayed with him. We are married NOW and part of me feels like he withheld info that would’ve made me leave…so he “tricked” me in a sense.
My exH visited hookers before we ever met…but during our marriage started going to “special” massage parlors…so I feel like I’ve been there, done that…and I swore I’d never be with someone who could do something so disgusting…which DH knew and was probably why he never told me.
I’m in the processing phase of it all…I haven’t made my decision on whether to leave or not. DH knows this…he said that nobody else knows he did these things (except the people he traveled with of course and you bees.) He told me if I left he’d understand it was b/c he hurt me.
He talked with his coworkers the other day (before he told me the new info) and once again, b/c guys don’t share intimate details…now these guys think I’m some crazy psycho that has an issue with him keeping ex photos and I need to get over his past. Can’t wait to see those guys this week and hear what they have to say to me…considering DH has mentioned it to them before. I’m also waiting for them to start telling him that HE should leave ME b/c I have issues….
We also went through his emails with a fine-toothed comb and the incident where I was OOT and he said he was w/a guy friend b/c his wife was OOT but turns out she wasn’t…well, it appears that he did go bike riding and to dinner with the guy..and that guy loves his wife and wouldn’t cheat…so I can honestly say that I do NOT believe he’s ever even considered cheating on me since we’ve been together.
It’s all his past…although I don’t know if I can accept it. I told him that he seems to succumb to peer pressure and that doesn’t sit well with me. That I don’t know how long it will be until I can trust him to go out w/ the guys for whatever reason…he understands and is willing to give that up so I don’t ever worry about him in the future…but that’s TBD.
I’m going to get some individual counseling and I’ve made a promise to him that I’ll stay through the holidays. This is my favorite time of the year and he’s killed my Christmas spirit….bastard!
Thanks for helping me when I needed someone…I also read him my previous thread and all the responses…he was upset but said he needed to hear what other women thought of the situation.