(Closed) Update: Dissapointed in best friend of 25 years

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yikes! Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I guess you could mention to her that you are disappointed and ask if there is any way that she can make it and offer suggestions like driving or a bus ticket or something. Let her know that it is really important to you that she be there on your special day, but tell her that you understand if she truly cannot make it, but would appreciate it if she’d make every effort to attend.

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That sucks, but unfortunately I’m not sure there is much you can do.  Other than offering your own resources (vehicle, money for a plane ticket, etc.), I think all you can do is say that you are sad she won’t be able to share your day with you and that you hope she keeps in touch more often.  It’s sometimes hard to be understanding of others situation, but you have to trust your friend.   You will have a beautiful wedding day regardless!

Post # 5
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d call her out on it. I remember your original post, and I know that it bothers you that she travels all over the place but is using it as an excuse for a HUGE event in YOUR life. I think it will bother you and fester if you let it go.

Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Write her back, but keep it SHORT, but go ahead, lay on a little guilt. Tell her how much her and her daughter being there means to you and your family, how you always pictured them there for you on your big day, you consider her to be family and such. Be nice about it, but if you include her daughter, that may inspire some guilt. I wouldn’t tell her off but than again, I’m passive aggressive.

Post # 7
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

The problem I have with a lot of my female friends is they never just tell me what they mean (they tend to go MIA until they need a shoulder to cry on/or act funny).

 I think you should send her a simple email saying, “It bothers me [insert what bothers you in a short, non emotional, direct manner here]. You’ve been my best friend for 25 years and I always imagined having you present on my wedding day. I am hurt you will not be there” I would then wish her well and leave it at that. I’m against passive aggressive behavior because it can be ignored (or misunderstood). Direct, calm, and honest is the way to go.

 If she doesn’t get it together youneed to let the friendship rest for a while. She’ll either snap out of this crisis and realize she’s acting irratically/apologize or continue down her current path (in which case you need to find a new best friend).

 There’s only so much you can do for people trying to find themselves. If it’s any consolation someday she’s going to wake up and feel really crappy for her actions- she is the one who will live with the guilt and consequences.

 

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’ve been friends for a LONG time! There is no need to beat around the bush. If one of my long time friends was acting stupid, I would call her out and she would EXPECT me to call her out on her foolishness. I woud totally say, “Oh, that sucks. I bet you can afford to go fly and see your boyfriend for the 10th time this year.” I’m a bitch though, but my dear friends love me. If I was acting like that, I would expect one of them to call me out too! 

Post # 9
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

Miss Tattoo has some good advice there– you should let her know what you feel, having been friends for 25 years! And if she gives you a BS reason, at least you’ll finally know where you stand.

The topic ‘Update: Dissapointed in best friend of 25 years’ is closed to new replies.

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