Post # 1
My original post:
Since the big argument with G, there’s been radio silence.
I read all of the responses and I really appreciated everyones thoughts. I was glad to know I wasnt crazy for feeling offended the way I did. After G kept insisting to me that I was blowing everything out of proportion and she had done nothing wrong, I found myself questioning my feelings. I read all the responses from people saying they understood where I was coming from and admittedly felt a little better.
Three days after I posted, something unexpected happened. A, G’s longtime friend who always remained silent/neutral, texted me and asked if she could still visit me. She said she still “really wanted to come” and was wondering if that was okay. Her boyfriend offered to drive her down and come pick her up (she doesnt likedriving on the highway).
I told her she was welcome to come.
I dont know if in the long run this will be shown as the right decision. But I do know how taken aback I was by her reaching out to me, and showing an effort being made to come visit. This is literally the first time ever she has been “her own person” if you will, instead of being neutral or on G’s side. Part of me thinks maybe she even sees for herself how awful G is being and disagrees with it enough to branch away from her, but thats just optimistic thinking.
She’ll be coming for a few days next week and Im admittedly feeling a little uneasy about it. Im worried about it being awkward and I dont know if I should say anything about the G situation. I would kind of like to talk about it with her but at the same time I know anything I say will just sound gossipy.
Im glad A reached out and Im feeling cautiously optimistic, but Im still feeling sad about G. Im sad she has made no effort to talk or apologize. Admittedly I wouldnt know what to do if she did. As of right now Im still feeling like I no longer want to be friends, but I still wish she would own up to her behavior. Maybe thats a pointless desire. I dont know.
Im also worried she’ll lash out at me after finding out A is still coming/came(after the visit) and try to twist it into accusing me of being immature and excluding her on purpose to be spiteful towards her. It just seems like something she would do, and Im interested in some advice as to how to handle that situation and respond if it happens.
Any thoughts and advice is very welcome and appreciated. I need to hear from some other people about this. Just feeling lost.
Thanks for reading.
Post # 2
Honestly, just cut the cord. G seems to be the prime definition of a toxic friend.
I had to cut one of those cords and I still see her on FB (don’t interact) and that’s about it. In the beginning it made me sad, but 4 years later I don’t even miss her. You’ll realize soon enough who your real friends are…maybe A will be one of them.
Post # 3
ChicoryCreek: You are an entertaining story teller. I easily read both your first post and the Update.
I’ll start with my little story, see if this reminds you a little bit of what is going on with you? L, V and I were inseparable all throughout high school and early 20’s. V began to be kind of a bitch (I’ll cut to the chase… but basically lying and being selfish and flaking last minute, completely self centered and at a point, self destructive) and we got into multiple arguments that ultimately ended the friendship. L was witness to most of it which opened her eyes to how horribly V was acting. Eventually L told V (funny, she told her to beat it like a month ago so this is very recent!) that she was no longer interested in continuing their friendship. L and I are the bestest of friends now. She’s my MOH and I’m sure one day I’ll be hers. We altern visits, we talk on the phone when we get a chance (once a week?), try to see each other once or twice a month. It is easy and drama free exactly how it should be.
Also I’ll add that I moved about 35 miles north (in Los Angeles talk, that’s far specially on weekdays haha).
The only reason I don’t feel bad about this, is because at some point you just have to let go. You need to cheerish the fun moments but that doesn’t mean you need to continue trying to be the friend of someone that just doesn’t want to be yours. I think this friendship has reached its expiration date.
People grow up, they take different paths and mature differently based on those paths. This is completely normal and right now, you need to focus on yourself and your SO (or FI?) and A. Who knows, you and A may get closer now with G being out of the picture?
Good luck! 😀
Post # 4
memorieslff: thanks for the reply. Your last line hit me hard and made me think. Me and A have always been friends, sure, but since G was the tie that bound us we never spent too much time together one on one. Who knows though, maybe now we’ll turn out being very close. I appreciated her effort enormously and was sure to tell her.
Post # 5
ChicoryCreek: Sounds like A likes you and wants to have a friendship independent of G. That’s great. 🙂
Sorry about the other friendship. Endings are always difficult, even if they need to happen.
I think it would be fair to answer questions if A has some, but be as neutral as possible and try not to talk ish about G.
I had some friends break up. Friend A talked so much shit about friend B. Friend B said nothing bad. Guess who I’m still friends with?
Post # 6
ChicoryCreek: I think if she gets upset and starts making accusations it will just affirm why you made this decision. It will hurt but sometimes that doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing. Two years ago, I ended my 13 year friendship with my BFF. Like you, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I knew something was going on and caught her in lies and I felt like she used me for money. I wanted her to have a wake up call and I did think our friendship mattered enough that she would make changes. I did find out right after that she was using heroin. I know it’s for the best still but I did get sad when I started wedding planning and realized she won’t be there. After reading your post, it seemed similar in that you really didn’t want to end the friendship but just wanted things to change with her behavior. It does sound like you made the best decision. There are so many good people out there and you don’t deserve crappy friendships
Post # 7
MrsPiggles: thank you so much for your encouraging and supportive reply. I appreciate the compliment on the writing of my posts–I know they can get a little long and I dont want to bore people to tears, haha.
Your story is sounding similiar to mine. As I said in my previous reply, I have no idea how this will all turn out, but you are right–now is the time I need to be letting go of the drama and concentrate on the positives and my relationship with my BF–we talk about marriage all the time and he has an engagement plan, so soon to be FI.
I’ve made an effort to follow through with tough decisions such as cutting out toxic family members and I think I need to face the music and make the same effort with my friends…most likely G.
Post # 8
ChicoryCreek: Friendships should be relatively easy and support and nurture you. It shouldn’t take so much effort and cause so many negative feelings. I had to sever ties with a toxic friend a couple years back and I don’t regret it. It makes room in your life for friends who’ll lift you up, not drag you down.
Post # 9
ChicoryCreek: Hey Bee! I know this was a long time ago but how has this situation been going for you? I read your original post and was wondering if you ever resolved the friend issues? Any updates since then? I had a friend just like G a while back, so I can relate a lot. Anyway, I hope everything worked out!