[Update] FMIL insists on meeting FH alone….

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have read your whole post, and I only have one question, and that is based on your last sentence:


Why do you have to re-plan your wedding?  Just go ahead with your pre-existing plans and ignore your FMIL’s attempts to take control.


Post # 4
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I have been waiting to read this, and FTR, I am a 4 time MOB.

She is a manipulative, lying cow.  Period.

She KNOWS you announced your engagement but she is lying through her teeth to manipulate you both and make herself look like a victim.  She glared at your ring, refused to meet your parents, asked if you were pregnant based on the date you originally chose, and accused your FI of choosing you over his family.  She is lying and that proves it.

Your FFILs have figured out they aren’t winning the war and this is their latest tactic.  Play dumb and victimized and manipulate you into having her demands met.

You guys have made great strides here so far – DO NOT bend here.  They have recognized that your FI is not going to bow their demands and needs so they are lying and playing the victims.  If you bend to the demands you have broken the boundaries you have so successfully set.  I strongly encourage you to stay the course with your current plans.  What she is doing equates to a “plan B” to manipulate you because Plan A didn’t work.

Please keep your boundaries strong and don’t bend to her demands.

Post # 5
12873 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Omg.  I read your post a few days ago.  I didn’t realize they were Korean, and very traditional.  I don’t know what to say except good luck.  As you realize there’s just no reasoning with those kind of Asian parents that are so set in their ways.  At least your husband to be stands up to her.  I don’t understand what you need to re plan or even how.  Shouldn’t almost everything be booked and set if you’re only 3 months out.

Post # 6
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Redholix:  Alli can say is good luck.  I was in a similar situation years ago which ended badly. Actually it worked out in the end because I met my fiancé and we are to wed in two weeks. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.

Post # 7
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

All I can think reading this is…MENTAL. none of this makes sense.


Post # 9
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015


Wow, your FMIL is a bucket of crazy.

I’d have your parents meet and perhaps give up to 10 spots to your future in-laws for their friends.  They’re not paying for your wedding, so they can deal with not having every person they’ve ever met there.

If your FH is against the more traditional things, don’t do them.  If your FMIL wants to keep some tradition in your wedding, maybe she can pay for a hanbok for you to wear during some part of your wedding day.  I’d say that’s more than enough compromise for someone who’s jumping in less than 3 months from your wedding date.

If your future in-laws put up a fuss, give them no guest seats and keep everything as is.  You’ve got to put your foot down in the face of bullying and crazy.  If you give quarter now, you’ll give quarter forever.

I’m not doing a tea ceremony (which my mom is luckily ok with).  I’m sure some of my more traditional Viet aunties will give me a hard time about it, but whatever.  I’m an American marrying an American, and I can do what I damn well please with my own money.

Post # 10
12873 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Redholix:  Are you Korean or Asian also? 

Post # 11
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

All those nasty crazy ppl want is money. That’s why she suggested the dowry. Like I said before on another post. Some ppl would love to have a family and they’re just abusing the privilege. Good luck but you should cut that poison out.

Post # 12
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Your FMIL sounds like a complete f*cking psycho. Honestly, if you and your FI are paying for your own wedding, you should be able to have the wedding that you want without having to invite every single person she knows just because she demands it. It sounds like she’s been a major bitch to you from the start, why should you do anything to appease her now? It also sounds like no matter what you guys do, whether now or during your marriage, she is always going to find something to complain about.

You’re very lucky that your FI stands up to his mother, because obviously he knows that she is crazy too. Do not give in to her demands. You will just be setting the groundwork for her to walk all over you guys in the future. 

Good Luck!


Post # 13
641 posts
Busy bee

@hermom:  This. Very much this. How you react to her behavior now is going to set the tone for how she is going to treat you when she wants her way for the rest of your lives. She needs to learn that she is not in charge. The answer to every demand is “No, I’m sorry. You refused to do that when we announced our engagement to you in March.” “I’m sorry you feel that way, but when we announced it to you in March, you told us you did not want anything to do with our engagement, so we were not able to make that plan with you.” And the classic “No, that won’t be possible.”

Post # 15
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you two want to go to FSIL’s wedding call FSIL. Don’t go through MFIL because that is a dead end road. 

Don’t change your wedding AT ALL because FMIL is having “engagement amnesia”

Stick to your plans and hope she shows up. Sounds like FI and his mother already have a rocky relationship anyways so I am sure it will be no shock to him or yourself she may threaten to not show if she doesn’t get her way.

Keep her on a “need-to-know” basis. Don’t change anything you planned to a traditional wedding because you guys are paying for this by yourself. Tell her where to be and when to be there. That is all. Let her throw a fit and try your best to ignore it.

Best of luck!!!


Post # 16
3836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Redholix:   Can you just keep the wedding the way you wanted it and not make any of her changes?  

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