Post # 1
Here’s the original thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/wwyd-costly-bach-party#axzz2aqP7Ncab
To sum up, a the hostess is doing an all day party for $100 that includes private transportation, winery tabs, and lunch. I wrote back saying I’d just meet up with them at some point at night (not planning on drinking, eating or using transportation but maybe buy her a drink). The hostess then wrote me back saying to send her $30…
So I wrote the previous post wondering what to do or how to respond. In the meantime, she writes me again saying sorry to stalk you but when are you sending the money. I then wrote back asking what is the $30 going towards and that I prefer to pay my own way because I won’t be eating or drinking or anything.
She then responds “I took the wine wagon and food portion out of the $100 for you! The other $30 covers wine and some other costs incurred to plan the party. Sorry – just trying to make the day as simple as possible for everyone!”
I don’t respond, thinking the matter is dropped. A couple days go by. She then writes me today “Let me know how you would like to submit your $30 donation to cover the party costs!”
Sick of this! Don’t even want to go anymore! So, I write back saying sorry I won’t be able to make the party after all.
Seriously?! I just need to vent about this. She never asked anybody what their budget was or what they wanted to do and has since been badgering people to give her money. I honestly can’t afford it because I’m a grad student planning my own wedding and I’m attending this girl’s shower the next day where I’ll bring a gift. I didn’t say anything about money though because it’s not her business. Hopefully it drops now!!
Post # 3
@Skittles131: I would tell her the truth! She can’t lay out money with out saying anything to you, then expect you to cover it. I am a grad-student-bride-to-be as well. Money gets tight! Chances are a lot of people will back out anyway because of the cost.
Planning the shower right before the bach party was not a good idea (even if there are OOT guests). It adds up so quickly!
Post # 4
She keeps bugging you because you don’t respond. Be upfront with her and say, “I’m really sorry, Heather, but I cannot afford this right now. I’ll see you at the shower!”
Post # 5
@peachacid: I did respond to every one of her emails, I just took time to decide what to say (never more than a day) until I thought it was clear that I wanted to pay my own way and that it was dropped (though as mentioned above it apparently wasn’t dropped and she wrote me back again about payment)
I really did want to go to support my friend which is why I was trying to make it work by trying to attend without paying and also without doing the activities, but just spending time with her at the end of the night when they ended up at a bar or wherever. Clearly, that wasn’t going to work for her so I eventually said I won’t be able to make it.
She put off the impression that she just wanted me to help fund the party.
Post # 6
How annoying. $30 seems like a lot to me for “incidentals.” In your situation, I’d be cool with chipping in for a bottle of wine (presumably for the benefit of the bride, since you don’t drink), but this woman is just so pushy. I would’ve bowed out of this bachelorette party, too.
I threw my sister’s bachelorette party, and it ended up being $35 a person for us to rent a giant hotel suite, but anyone who was just coming to hang out (and not stay overnight) only had to pay for their own dinner. I paid for my sister’s dinner and party decorations (which were minimal: one homemade penis shaped cake) on my own.
Post # 7
curious-was the $30 supposed to only cover you or was it supposed to go toward covering the bride’s share of things, too?
Post # 8
@li612: All she said was that the $30 “covers wine and some other costs incurred to plan the party”. I guess that wouldn’t cover me because I told her that I wouldn’t drink.