- 5 years ago
Just wanted to give a little update on how I’ve been doing since my whole break up with my ex FI.
I have started seeing a theriapist and I will be having my 3rd session next week. I get 3 free sessions through my moms where and I found out that the place I work offers 6 to 8 free sessions so if the therapist thinks I should keep seeing someone she would recommend that I see the one through my work. My therapist has given me many tips and idea’s to use to help not think about my ex. From writing things down to just thinking about how good of a day I’m going to have. I still have a couple days in a row where I just feel terriable and blame myself for her leaving, and everyone keeps telling me I didn’t do anything wrong but I still want to be with her. It still makes me sick thinking about her being with someone else and doing the things I should be doing.
Yesterday I met with one of my ex high school teachers and fellow employee, we coach football together. He saw me at the high school weight room on Monday while I was working out and talked to me brefily and said he had heard what had happened. He told me yesterday that he was really worried about me because I did not look good. So yesterday I made a point of seeing him and talking to him. I needed to apologize to him because of how I acted during the past football season. I was hardly there because I always wanted to spend time with my ex and he and the other coaches met with me several times to make sure I was coaching for the right reasons and needed to be committed. So that was the main thing I wanted to talk to him about. I told him that after going through all of this I did not like who I was. I thought I was on top of the world because I was going to be getting married and everything in life seemed fine. I came the realization that I had a drinking problem and now going through this I have been sober for one month and it feels great. Like I said earlier, I still keep blaming myself for my ex leaving me and when I told my coach everything that happened he said it wasn’t my fault.
I’m also in the best shape I’ve been in since I was in high school which was 5 years ago. In June of 2012 I weighed 265 pounds and didn’t show any sign of losing any. A lot of it had to do with drinking and just not being active. I told my ex that I wanted to get around 230 for our wedding. Right now I weight 218 pounds, I’ve been eating better, don’t drink, and do a lot of running. I just wish my ex could see all the changed I’ve made and want to get back together. For some reason when I wake up every morning those seem to be the hardest parts of the day. I pretty much cry on my way to work and have times during the day where I just want to go hide at work and cry but I keep it together. I can sleep through the night for the most part but still have dreams about her. If she wanted to get back together right now I would and apologize to her for everything I did and didn’t do. There is a new song on the radio called “When I was your man” by Bruno Mars and it just makes me think about someone else treating her better.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to give people an update on how I’m doing. I’m truly trying to become a better person and trying to live a better live. I can’t say thank you enough to the people that have said so many positive things to me on my other posts.