UPDATE: Have you ever been asked…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsWe:  good for you! Yay for knowing your self-worth

Post # 4
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

ugghhh that would hav been my cue to go! “i need 7  months to be sure!!” eff that.. I sorry u have to deal such a jerk!! 🙁 

Post # 5
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MrsWe:  …I don’t know….this sounds like a trap question…Iif I were him I wouldn’t have answered because its questions like this that end with a woman going all praying mantis on a guy

Post # 6
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He should be completely sure now. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsWe:  I admire you standing up for yourself, but if your relationship is this tainted already from him dragging his feet how is the next 7 months going to play out? Especially if you withhold sex. I hope you were kidding because if you’re going to do that or be huffy with him for the next 7 months for dragging ass then he isn’t going to see a positive about marrying you, and he will probably let you go.

 

Post # 8
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsWe:  Yikes, I agree completely with @Kandiss16:.

If he decided, after that 0-7 months of “making sure” that you are adequate as a life partner, are you really going to feel positive that he is the one? Don’t you deserve someone who can’t live without you, without a doubt in their mind?

I wouldn’t be comfortable sticking around if I were in your shoes. If he doesn’t know for sure about you yet, he doesn’t deserve you.

Post # 9
Member
2766 posts
Sugar bee

You aren’t good for each other and should truly move on. I don’t think wasting more time is the answer.

I did have to ask that question to my ex-FI and the answer for both of us was no. We both wanted a lot more than the other could offer, and we tried to make it work when it didn’t. Neither of us were happy, and it wasn’t until I started dating again and met guys with the qualities I longed for that I realized how miserable I had been and thanking my lucky stars we didn’t get married.

My SO and I wouldn’t ask each other that because we both know the answer is that we are EXACTLY what the other is looking for. Physically, emotionally, intellectually. Everything aligns and I don’t ever question. If you have to question it, honestly? You shouldn’t be together. I know that sucks, but it’s better to be single than with someone who makes you constantly doubt yourself.

Post # 11
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

While I agree that his question in your last thread was “douchey,” I will say that I’ve never been in a serious relationship and “known,” after just one year of dating, whether I wanted to marry the person.  I used to say that I wouldn’t consider any proposal less than a year into the relationship, but once in relationships, I wasn’t ready to actually consider the reality of marriage until at least 2 years in.  Maybe that’s what he means in wanting more time?  You need to figure out how much time should be enough for you.  I once dated a guy who, after 2 years together, still didn’t know whether he ever wanted to get married at all.  Even though I didn’t know if I wanted to marry *him* at that time, I knew I wanted to get married someday, and didn’t see the point of wasting time with someone who might not ever want a marriage.  If my DH had wanted me to be ready for engagement after a year, I wouldn’t have been.  I’m so glad he didn’t put me in that position!  I don’t at all defend how he said things, but perhaps he’s one of the people (like me) who needs more than a year with someone before deciding whether to spend the next (hopefully) 50+ years with the person.  DH and I met 5 years ago tonight, and we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Post # 13
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsWe:  2 years and he needs another 7 months to figure out if he wants to marry you? I’m sorry, but eff that! And you’re supposed to just wait around for him to decide whether or not he wants you? Ugh, just NO.

Post # 14
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsWe:  Hmm.. My FI adores me and can’t wait to marry me. He also admits there are several things he wishes he could change about me. That’s understandable.

If you’ve only been together 1 year, he’s just not ready to get married yet. It took FI and I at least 3 years to really get to know each other and realize how much we deeply love each other.  Why are you pushing him so hard? 

He said he wants you to be his wife and when he realized you didn’t like his answer he tried to fix it. I’m not really sure what is upsetting about that?

 

@MissCalifornia:  You’re saying they aren’t good for each other based on this tiny incident? Let’s not jump to conclusions here!

Post # 15
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How long have you been together? If it’s only six months to a year, then asking for another 7 months is reasonable. If it’s five years then, yeah pack up and move on. 

Post # 16
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Use those 7 months to go find a better guy

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