Post # 1
Well I had a talk with him last night. I asked “Am I really what you are looking for?” Initially he named some things that he wished were different about me. So I told him “well then I think that means we should go our separate ways because we both deserve to be with people who think we are great”. I told him that I know I have alot to offer and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t think so. Of course he tried to change his words around after he could tell that I was about to give him his walking papers. I just don’t get it, if I’m not what you utimately want in a wife then leave me the heck alone. He told me he does want me to be his wife and he feels like I have great things about me….yada yada yada. I told him he has to give me a time frame because I am not wasting another year of my life with someone who doesn’t know what I have to offer. So by the end of the conversation he said he needed 0-7 months to be completely sure…I should stop sleeping with him for those 7 months while he figures out if he wants to truly marry me. I’m so over it!
Post # 3
@MrsWe: good for you! Yay for knowing your self-worth
Post # 4
ugghhh that would hav been my cue to go! “i need 7 months to be sure!!” eff that.. I sorry u have to deal such a jerk!! 🙁
Post # 5
@MrsWe: …I don’t know….this sounds like a trap question…Iif I were him I wouldn’t have answered because its questions like this that end with a woman going all praying mantis on a guy
Post # 6
He should be completely sure now. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
Post # 7
@MrsWe: I admire you standing up for yourself, but if your relationship is this tainted already from him dragging his feet how is the next 7 months going to play out? Especially if you withhold sex. I hope you were kidding because if you’re going to do that or be huffy with him for the next 7 months for dragging ass then he isn’t going to see a positive about marrying you, and he will probably let you go.
Post # 8
@MrsWe: Yikes, I agree completely with @Kandiss16:.
If he decided, after that 0-7 months of “making sure” that you are adequate as a life partner, are you really going to feel positive that he is the one? Don’t you deserve someone who can’t live without you, without a doubt in their mind?
I wouldn’t be comfortable sticking around if I were in your shoes. If he doesn’t know for sure about you yet, he doesn’t deserve you.
Post # 9
You aren’t good for each other and should truly move on. I don’t think wasting more time is the answer.
I did have to ask that question to my ex-FI and the answer for both of us was no. We both wanted a lot more than the other could offer, and we tried to make it work when it didn’t. Neither of us were happy, and it wasn’t until I started dating again and met guys with the qualities I longed for that I realized how miserable I had been and thanking my lucky stars we didn’t get married.
My SO and I wouldn’t ask each other that because we both know the answer is that we are EXACTLY what the other is looking for. Physically, emotionally, intellectually. Everything aligns and I don’t ever question. If you have to question it, honestly? You shouldn’t be together. I know that sucks, but it’s better to be single than with someone who makes you constantly doubt yourself.
Post # 10
We’ve been together a year and I agree that serious dating is all about figuring out if the other person has what you’re looking for in a life partner. I don’t believe saying it aloud and actually asking the person”what do they have to offer” is the right thing to do. But I think 2 years is enough time to figure that out…so he is falling within that 2 year mark….
Post # 11
While I agree that his question in your last thread was “douchey,” I will say that I’ve never been in a serious relationship and “known,” after just one year of dating, whether I wanted to marry the person. I used to say that I wouldn’t consider any proposal less than a year into the relationship, but once in relationships, I wasn’t ready to actually consider the reality of marriage until at least 2 years in. Maybe that’s what he means in wanting more time? You need to figure out how much time should be enough for you. I once dated a guy who, after 2 years together, still didn’t know whether he ever wanted to get married at all. Even though I didn’t know if I wanted to marry *him* at that time, I knew I wanted to get married someday, and didn’t see the point of wasting time with someone who might not ever want a marriage. If my DH had wanted me to be ready for engagement after a year, I wouldn’t have been. I’m so glad he didn’t put me in that position! I don’t at all defend how he said things, but perhaps he’s one of the people (like me) who needs more than a year with someone before deciding whether to spend the next (hopefully) 50+ years with the person. DH and I met 5 years ago tonight, and we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.
Post # 12
@Nona99 I won’t be going crazy on him what so ever, I actually feel really calm and at peace with it….because after 7 months I will no longer have any unanswered questions…we’ll either part ways or stay together and an engagement will be in the works…I will be fine either way.
Post # 13
@MrsWe: 2 years and he needs another 7 months to figure out if he wants to marry you? I’m sorry, but eff that! And you’re supposed to just wait around for him to decide whether or not he wants you? Ugh, just NO.
Post # 14
@MrsWe: Hmm.. My FI adores me and can’t wait to marry me. He also admits there are several things he wishes he could change about me. That’s understandable.
If you’ve only been together 1 year, he’s just not ready to get married yet. It took FI and I at least 3 years to really get to know each other and realize how much we deeply love each other. Why are you pushing him so hard?
He said he wants you to be his wife and when he realized you didn’t like his answer he tried to fix it. I’m not really sure what is upsetting about that?
@MissCalifornia: You’re saying they aren’t good for each other based on this tiny incident? Let’s not jump to conclusions here!
Post # 15
How long have you been together? If it’s only six months to a year, then asking for another 7 months is reasonable. If it’s five years then, yeah pack up and move on.
Post # 16
Use those 7 months to go find a better guy