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Well that is certainly promising! Good for you for standing up for what's important to you!
Good luck! I hope this all works out.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself! Everything will turn out the way it's meant to in the end.
*Fingers Crossed for you*
I'm glad that you guys had an adult conversation where you both were able to express your desires/needs/hopes without anything bad happening. That in and of itself is a good improvement!
I hope that he comes through for you. A man should be excited to make a woman his wife!
I agree -- good for you for standing up for yourself!! I am sure everything will work out for the best and you better post some ring porn when it appears on your hand. ;-)
I think it's great that you let him know how important marriage is to you! Sometimes guys don't like what they hear at first but once they have some time to cool off they can really surprise us :) I'm happy you're talking things out. If he wants kids that badly and you want marriage first, I don't think you're being pushy as long as you're both ready for it.
I agree, great to hear you've started having good conversations with him about this, and that you've stood your ground. I read the last thread and I think posters gave a lot of great advice.
I did find it a little concerning that you said he was "steaming mad" when you first brought this up. That just kind of boggles my mind a little... what did he have to be mad about, that you aren't willing to be his baby mama?!
But, it is good to hear that later on you guys discussed it calmly and it sounds like you're in a good place right now. Good luck!
Well I am so glad that you guys got to have a convorsations and really decided what you want! That is awesome and I wish you the best :)
Happy to hear! I'm also glad you have realized how important marriage is to you and how things have unfolded thus far.
Hoping for more good news soon ;)
I think it's great you guys had this conversation and you told him your true feelings. Now that he knows how important it is to you, there is room to communicate more freely. Good luck!
I love that you stood up for what you really wanted. I hope that you soon join us on the 2012 boards! :)
sometime I feel I pushed my husband into getting married. he probably would have been fine just living together forever. i just wanted to get married. he agreed. it seems most men just go along with what us women want anyway, we are the bosses it seems. good luck!
Yay for some steps forward!
I was with DH for 10 years (living together for 9) before he proposed. I didnt push him but I stood firm on the no kids before marriage...and now I know DH love that we are connected at a deeper level. He constantly calls me his wife and uses the word marriage a lot too. I think sometimes they dont know what they want until they test it out lol.
Yay!! Good news! Girl, I was "gently led" (lol... didn't want to say pushed) into marriage and I am loving it.
Very promising! I hope everything works out as planned!
Don't feel bad, he just needed to understand how much it means to you and he would have had a hard time doing that on his own. *fingers crossed*
@gocubbies: Good for you and glad the conversation went maturely! And PROPS to you for standing up for what you want. It's too easy for women to give into their men's ideas/POVs because they feel they should.
Good luck and keep us posted on any wedding deets!
That's great! I'm so happy you've had these important conversations!
YAY for adult convos! Fi says he wants another baby But i told him we have to be married and have a house before we have another one! Im glad you stuck up for what you wanted/Belived in. I hope we have a proposal story soon!
Thank you thank you everyone!!!
I am still feeling guilty about this whole thing though.... I don't know why. I just don't want to always feel like I "made" him do this... But then I tell myself, if I were "making" him do it, he would have done it a long time ago so I would quit talking about it!
I am just having a really, really hard time understanding how he cannot want this like I do :/
@gocubbies: I am just having a really, really hard time understanding how he cannot want this like I do :/
Because your two different people and as much as he loves you he's been shaped by his experiences. My FH and I have gone every possible combination one or both of us either of being on/off board the marriage train. I've had many years of just irrational fear but I worked thru my barriers. Of course looking back it wasn't irrational to me then. Thankfully, since we have moved in together we are both on ;).
@gocubbies: Don't feel bad.
Sometimes I catch myself overthinking. I forget that if my guy doesn't want something, really, he'll stick to it and tell me.
What this is, is him realizing that marriage is important to you, and deciding to want it too. There's nothing wrong with that.
Thanks for the update, keep us posted. A backyard wedding sounds really fun.
Everything about this seems backwards. You're having wedding photos taken, but you can't discuss weddings without getting past his anger? You can resolve that you'll have a backyard wedding in less than a year, but he won't set a date? It doesn't sound like you want to 'let it run its course.' I certainly wouldn't. How do you imagine his anger will play into married life or life with children? If there's something that isn't important to him in the future, will you be banned from talking about it?
@MrsBroccoli: Everything about this seems backwards.
Okay so i'm not crazy. When I first read this, everything you posted was exactly what I was thinking. Normally, I would say something, but everyone else was co-signing, so it made me second guest myself, that maybe there's something that I'm not seeing. Plus the OP seems to fine with it -- so I thought oh well.
I am relieved to hear about this. I have to admit, I've worried a bit about you, and hoped he wasn't making you miserable. With any luck, we'll both be Spring Brides!
@MrsBroccoli: I'm pretty sure GoCubbies is a wedding photographer, so when she says wedding photos, she is the one behind the camera!
@gocubbies: Well done on the adult convo, we all need them now and then! Hopefully it will get the ball rolling in the right direction!
@MrsBroccoli:Ooohh.. no no.. I'm a photographer, it was someone else's wedding photos :)
And you bring up a reeeeally good thinking point for me. If there's something that isn't important to him, will I be banned from talking about it in the future? The answer is touchy.. probably yes... and I don't know how I feel about it... but I do believe I am willing to compromise on that. Because sometimes, a lot of what I talk about is "head in the clouds" stuff anyway :) I tend to get WAY ahead of myself in thinking/planning/etc in ALL aspects of my life. He grounds me big time and I need that.
And.. he never actually committed to less than a year. He hinted and says he doesn't want to wait til 2013.... but like I said I've heard that before so I don't know if he means it. He wants this whole proposal thing to be a BIG GRAND SURPRISE! I'm just like... ummm if we're adults on the same page about it, there SHOULDN'T be some big grand surprise. He is adamant about not setting a "real" date until we are engaged.
@Roux: Yes, you got it right :) Wedding photographer over here. I hate being in front of the camera... I like being the one behind it hehe.
@SandyThePoet:
Aww thank you! I really have my fingers crossed.... I hope he can pull his head out of his butt and realize. We'll see...!
@MrsBroccoli: And the anger thing... he rarely gets very angry. I think he was just almost at his breaking point that night on the subject of marriage.... we'd talked seriously about it only a week before and it was just too much for him. He's just sick of hearing it.. but I'm sick of being in the dark! Vicious cycle... !!
I hope this works out for you :) Just wanted to say that my FI really isn't too into the whole marriage thing either - he could take it or leave it honestly. He just doesn't see marriage as necessary to spending a life together, while I do. So yes, I supposed I pushed him into it, it's something that he's doing because it makes me comfortable and happy. Also because we want to have a family, and I won't do that without being married.
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Update to this thread
First.. I want to say thank you for all the comments you had on the first thread! It was awesome to hear from so many ladies.
This past week/weekend brought a lot with it.. I got some kind of sinusey-nausea bug and was feeling terrible for about 3 days. Then, I had all the photo shoots & wedding shoot. I've been TIRED!
Anyway.. SO and I got into it about this whole thing on Friday night over dinner again.. He mentioned something about being ready for/wanting kids ( can't even remember what it was) and I just said "well, you've gotta put a ring on it" and the conversation ensued. I couldn't help it. I am SO emotionally confused/frustrated with his stance that I just couldn't not say anything... ugh :/
So he was steaming angry, but I was totally calm and cool by the end of the convo. Honestly, I really just think I've bugged the crap out of him and that kind of sums things up. I have felt so let down that he'd promised proposing and getting married and didn't follow through and it's making me into an emotional nutcase about the whole thing. So I keep bringing it up, and he gets annoyed, and it's been a vicious cycle.
Well, a turn of the tables hapened tonight. I can't even remember what brought it up, but we had a grown up, wonderful adult coversation about the whole thing (thank GOODNESS). I was trying really hard not to push too much, and it ended up being just fine.
Random things that happened during the conversation:
We decided forsure we want to have the wedding in his parents backyard. We laughed a lot. I still kind of feel like I'm pushing him into this. I made him realize how much marriage really does mean to me.I realized marriage itself just isn't that important to him, having a life with me is. I need to be okay with that. (Does this mean that it's ok for me to feel pushing??)
He didn't say forsure, but I also think we might be having a spring wedding. (like..... in 6 months spring, lol). He said he doesn't want to wait til 2013.. but on the other hand, I've heard that before and it didn't happen so I don't want to get all exited way too early. I am just going to let the course run, and hope for the best, but not be let down if it doesn't happen. Time will tell...