(Closed) Update! I let my crazy out – and he still loves me :) (LONG)

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

Wow!  I love hearing about open and honest communication.  Sounds like a good turning point!  It’s not fun to be all vulnerable in front of someone, but it’s what ultimately makes a real partnership possible.  Sounds like he’s a great listener!

Post # 4
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I still stand by what I said on your last post.  You’re obviously not happy and no one should have to settle.  But in the end it’s your life and until you realize it or come to terms with it you’re stuck in this disasterous limbo.  Good luck to you…I really hope everything works out for the best.

Post # 6
Hostess
3377 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@OctBride-2012:  +1 
I don’t think anyone should have to give up their dream of getting married and it sounds like he’s going to be waiting a long time. However, it’s your choice and I wish you both nothing but the best.  

Post # 7
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i dont understand, it sounds like he wants to marry you? are you upset because it will be a while? i waited ages.

you are comitted to each other fully now by the sounds of it. until its ‘official’, you just have to be patient.

Post # 8
Member
529 posts
Busy bee

I’m glad you got some of those yucky feelings out and that your SO was such a good listener. Those ugly cries are like a pressure release valve, you have to have them every once in a while. It is good that you know how much SO dislikes his job now because I think a lot of men equate their worth as people with their net worth and if you can help him get on a better track then things will come together. Best of luck to you! 

Post # 9
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m glad you guys could have productive, open and honest communication about it, even if it didn’t result in any change.  Hang in there, he seems like a keeper that’s worth waiting for! 

Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

“I’ll spare you all some of the more brutal honest answers he gave me…”

 

I’m afraid to know what these are.  I’m a bit unsure by your post if your SO wants to get married or not.  Have you been blunt and said “I would really like to be married by ‘x’ date, and would have liked to have been engaged a year ago”?  Have you let him know “I really can’t see myself waiting for another year”, or things along those lines?  I can’t speak for your situation, but what really pushed things along for me was just saying “I’ve hit my limit.  I can’t wait another six months for this”.  Your SO knows you’ll wait as long as you have to, so perhaps in his mind there’s no rush.

Post # 11
Member
40 posts
Newbee

i totally agree with @abirdword.. i think a lot of boys move in with their girlfriends and think “well ok, this is basically married” and they don’t realize that actually, it’s NOT married. it’s limbo. it’s neither here nor there. the truth is, there’s never a PERFECT time to get married. people get married while they’re in college, while they’re pregnant, while they’re in debt, while they’re … anything. your SO will keep finding new challenges that he’ll have to overcome before taking the plunge, and trust me, challenges are neverending. you have to let him know that you have a certain timeline for yourself, and if he wants you to keep planning your life around him, he has to give you a point at which he’ll return the favor! 

xx

Post # 12
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@sleepingbeauty88:  I don’t have anything constructive to say, but I’ve been reading your posts since you returned to wedding bee.  I’m so glad you and your SO are able to communicate effectively like this.  I just want to give you masive *HUGS* because, while I haven’t experienced a situation like this, I can empathize with it.  Stay strong and stay awesome!

Post # 13
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sleepingbeauty88:  “he knows this and doesn’t fault me for it.” I totally get what you are saying. SO an I have been together for 5 years. this last Aug we just saw our couple-friends get married after being together a little under 2 years. BUT, The girl decided to forgo the E-ring. SO and I were talking about why certain relationships move quicker then others and he pointed out to me “you are the one that wants the ring” and I had to own up to it…”You know what? Yeah, I do want the ring. We aren’t running to the alter right away so yes, I do want the ring? Does that make me a bad person?” to which he responded “No.” So he doesn’t fault me for having ‘Girl Dreams’.

It’s just about being open and honest with your feelings…and OWNING your feelings.

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

That’s good that you were able to get out your feelings and frustrations. That definately helps during this time. It does sound like he wants to get married from this post but has some difficulties to overcome first. Maybe trying to find out his timeline versus your timeline and talk that out since you seem to be opening up to eachother about it now. Try to come up with approximate Times and a compromise. Communication is key. I’m noticing my SO and I are talking a lot more comfortably about future stuff now without arguing and pressure

Once the lines are open keep communicating. Good luck! Happy to hear he was supportive

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