Post # 1
Many of you read my post a couple weeks ago about a situation at my office http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/is-this-actually-cultural-and-is-it-a-valid-excuse/ and I wanted to give you an update.
Today, I spoke with the person in question. He had been in the office and I hadn’t had the chance to speak to him in person, today I needed something so I called. I was soft spoken and polite, I appologized for being aggressive with him and said I shouldn’t have done so and that I hoped we could move forward and continue to work together.
I requested some drawings be sent over…he sent them, but not to me. He sent them to my boss, did not include me, did not make reference to me requesting them. I’m LIVID. That, at least to me, is extremely disrespectful. I spoke to my boss about it, he said there’s nothing we can do because he doesn’t actually work here. He agrees that I’m in the right and the other guy is the the wrong compeltely. He said he’ll speak to the partners about it but in the meantime I’m not to call this guy and request anything, everything has to go through my boss.
SO MAD. At least now I know that I did the right thing and everyone knows that the other guy is the asshole.
Post # 2
You gave him exactly what he wanted; an apology, an admittance that you were being “aggressive” which wasn’t even aggressive at all – you acted like any other male coworker would have…
… and he still doesn’t respect you. Because he didn’t from the start and it was painfully obvious.
Well, at least you made an attempt to “fix” things.
Post # 3
If this guy is a sub-contractor, that means your company hired him, so can’t they fire him? Or go to his bosses and say “adjust this guy’s attitude, or give us someone who will work with us, or lose our business”? Unless he has some unique skill or qualification, I don’t understand why your company is willing to pay for this guy to cause trouble and give your boss headache and more work.
Post # 4
It just really bothers me that more often than not it’s a woman being urged to be the “bigger and better person” in situations like this. Even when we are completely right, and a man is completely wrong, somehow we’re made to feel we need to be the person who needs to apologize for making it obvious a man is wrong, like it’s our punishment.
No. God, does that piss me off.
Post # 5
nikkiibee: at least now, he’s the one clearly in the wrong. Before, it was a little fuzzy, I was a little wrong, he was more wrong. Now he’s completely wrong.
Daisy_Mae: yes, he’s on retainer and a sub-consultant to us. They could probably cut him loose but they won’t. I don’t know the whole story with this guy, but he’s been around longer than me. I think he also gives us a really great rate on his services (although it sounds pretty freaking expensive to me). He’s a P.Eng (Civil).
Post # 6
MsGinkgo: I don’t care if he started the whole damn company and give your company services for free…your company is a lawsuit waiting to happening. Allowing their employee to be discriminated against and disrespected because of her gender is APPALLING
Post # 7
Document this shit, lady. All of it. Quietly, discreetly, on your own computer at home, but document it.