- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
A few days ago I had posted about a friend of mine who over the past year has become very distant. You can read my previous post.
Last night was a mutual friend’s fundraiser. When my friend showed up (the one I am having issues with), she did not say one word.
I am not trying to toot my own horn but I think I am a good friend and I try really hard to do as much as can for my friends when they need me. Completely ignored me. After like 30 mins I finally get her and I say lets go outside. She immediately has her guard up. And I said whats up? And she said you didn’t respond to the email. And I told her “well you said lets do dinner soon, was I supposed to initiate that? Bc thats the problem, I am the only one putting in any effort. Tell me the truth.” And she said “this conversation should not be happening. This is frustrating, I have too much going on to be worried about YOUR feelings bc its always about you” I then started crying. I said this isnt about me. This is about you and you not letting me be your friend. Do you see how pathetic I sound? What did I do to you? And you are not the only one going through. Did you ever think that maybe I needed a friend? Do you have any idea what I am going through? I miss you, I miss my friend. I think she might have said that she doesnt care whats going on.
We went back and forth for awhile on that. I pointed out that she hangs out with everyone else but me. She then came out and said a whole bunch of stuff thats made my head spin. She said that shes mad at me for giving up school. (Thats none of her business, if thats her way of making me feel like a failure shes wrong. What i do with my life is none of her business. Every decision I make is thought through carefully. I ad to explain why I gave it up-I shouldn’t have but I did) She said shes mad at me for treating her like crap during the wedding!!! My mouth dropped to the floor. Let me just explain, she did nothing but show up in the dress. I did not ask her for help. I heard through the grapvine after the wedding was over that she actually complained every step of the way about how much money she was spending to be in this wedding. I didn’t bring that up. If she was having a problem, she never brought it to my attention. I am not a mind reader. And when it came to buying a dress, I consulted with every BM to see what they were comfortable in spending.
1-She said that She was mad bc I said I was upset that my sister ruined my cocktail hour bc she had a seizure. (I’m not gonna lie. I was mad at the situation, but I was not mad directly at my sister. My sister and I actually laugh about it now)
2- She said I yelled at her to get me my slippers (I did not yell. She came to me while I was walking around greeting guests at the tables and asked if I needed anything and I said “please get me my slippers”)
3-This is the best one – She said I didnt thank her for her speech. She said and I quote “You didnt even thank me for my speech. I know it wasnt the best but c’mon ” (i could have said responded to that with why I didnt thank her but I wasnt going to stoop to that level. She had no intentions of giving a speech bc I asked her multiple times bc I needed to let the DJ know so he could time everything out. DH’s bestman told her she should make a speech bc shes my best friend)
Then the truth came out. She said that she cannot talk to me bc” we have nothing to talk about. People grow apart. You are happy and no offense, I dont want to hear about how happy you are”
We eventually hugged it out and we talked and laughed. I am so hurt and I am so shocked as to the excuses she was giving me. But if thats how she feels, thats fine. I cant change that. I told DH and he wants me to never speak to her again and he pointed out a few things and he is right. So this morning I sent a text and I said “I hope you understand that the conversaion last night was not about me. I did a lot of thinking on my way home and I know that you have had a really rough year. I am glad you told me what was bothering you, I wish you would have told me sooner. ANd you are rightm people do grow apart, relationships change. I hope that you can find happiness one day soon and that therapy will help you. I wish you the best in life. I miss the old us. And I am not sure if we can get that back anytime soon and thats ok. I have no hard feelings towards you. I think its best if I just leave you alone”
I said what I had to say and so did she. But I spent my morning crying about it because I know its really over. I have never cried over a friend. I have lost friends in the past or we’ve gone in different directions. This one hurt. It was a 12 year friendship, and its like a breakup. It sucks and I don’t wish this on anyone