- 4 years ago
For those of you who didn’t see my last post, you can see it here:
This was a really hard weekend. I was going to wait until after his brother’s wedding (next weekend) to give him the letter. Well, Friday night we just started talking and he finally came out and told me he couldn’t go through with the wedding. We both got upset, of course, but this was a long time coming and honestly I was just happy to finally have an answer.
I took my ring off and tried to give it to him, he wouldn’t take it. He wants to give me the ring and split everything, which is very kind. So at first everything is okay, and we are amicable. I kept the ring on because he got upset when I tried to take it off. I call my girlfriends, drink wine, cry, and fall asleep next to him.
Then Saturday I went out with my girlfriend and got lunch. Told her, and lo and behold our mutual friend wants to move to the town I currently live in. We talk about a potential roomate situation, and when I come home I told ex-fi about it (since you know, it was “amicable” and such).
All of the sudden, he is acting snarky and rude. He is upset that I found a roomate so easily, and I think in his mind it’s really real now. I don’t think he thought I would leave. Now it’s hitting him.
Yesterday we spent a lot of the day together, but he would constantly make jabs about how quickly I’m going to meet someone? It’s very strange.
He tells me he doesn’t want to break up, and in all honestly I don’t want to either. But I can’t stay there and take care of him constantly and not be his wife. I’ve done it for three years and after two cancelled weddings I just can’t do it anymore. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.
I don’t know bees. I told him that I’ve spent the past year trying to make him happy, trying to make him stay. But I have to make myself happy. Now that I’m taking steps to do that, he’s begging for me. I’m not going to stay, but there’s a part of me that is having trouble letting go.
In an ideal world, we could live apart for a year, see each other casually, he would work on his mental health and being happy and I would work on me. Then, maybe if the stars align and we are both in the right mindset, we could try to make it work again. I don’t know. I’m crazy. We still love each other so much, but he can’t commit to me.
Oh, and to add to it, he refuses to tell his family until after the wedding and we have to continue this pseudo engagement over the next weekend. I will do it, because I understand his reasons and I love his family. But jesus this is difficult.
Sorry for the novel. Advice, please??