Post # 1
you can read the original post here.
My friend J politely but firmly told the MOH that her finances would not allow her to spend $400 on a shower. The MOH replied today and told her that was too bad. It’s her responsibility as BM to pony up the cash, it doesn’t matter that she has a plane ticket to pay for that the rest of the BM’s don’t have. She should have known before agreeing to be a BM!
(who expects to spend over $1500 not including plane tickets to be a BM!?!?!)
I’m so in shock over this for her.
Post # 3
At this point, I think your friend needs to talk to the bride. Because if that’s the monetary expectation, she will have to step down, and I seriously doubt the bride wants her to do that.
Post # 4
@MsGinkgo: Her response should be, “I had no say what sort of shower it would be, so I don’t need to pay. If YOU want an expensive shower then YOU pay for it”.
She should just say no. The MOH can’t force her.
And wait, what, is she expected to fly in for the shower too? No reasonable bride would expect her BMs to fly in for pre-wedding events. (EDIT: OK, I see she doesn’t need to do that at least).
Post # 5
@paula1248: oh no – she’s not flying in for the shower, she can’t attend the shower because of the location. She’s flying in for the wedding – which she knew she would, but she’s the only BM with that expense.
Post # 6
@loving_life: this. Complaining about it to others isnt helping her situation. She needs to speak to the bride NOW.
Post # 7
I don’t think I could keep a straight face if someone told me it was “too bad” that I had decided not to voluntarily spend hundreds of dollars to be in some wedding.
Needless to say, I’d be forgoing the honor and responsibilities of being a bridesmaid at this point. Good grief.
Post # 8
She needs to talk to the bride.
What the heck
Post # 9
@MsGinkgo: She isn’t even attending the shower??? She needs to tell the MOH again, firmly, NO. What’s the MOH gonna do, kick her out of the wedding herself? And if the MOH doesn’t shut up, like I said, your friend really needs to talk to the bride. I’m assuming since the bride picked her as a BM, she wouldn’t want her to have to step down over something like this.
Post # 10
The MOH is insane . She should have communicated with every single BM asking what they were comfortable paying for shower . It’s not like we’re talking about 100$ bucks or something. I think your friend should politely tell the bride that these costs are exceeding anything she expected or has paid before so she will need to stand down. If she is truly a friend the bride will understand
Post # 12
so i chatted with J last night and she’s not comfortable dropping out of the BP at this point – she’s waaaay nicer than I am. she’s going to fork over the cash but it sounds like her friendship with the bride is going to be non-existant after this. Looks like the bride thinks she’s a Kennedy or something (wedding on the Cape etc etc)
What was funny, is that in our convo J mentioned that ‘this is totally hypothetical because I know you have your girls (which I don’t yet, haven’t asked them, planning on asking her next time we skype) but if it was you I wouldn’t care. We’ve been friends for so long etc… but I also know that you would never do this to someone, you’re way to reasonable for that’
Little does she know 🙂
She’s planning a visit to come see me (and her family) in November and wants to go dress shopping and do weddingy things. I’m so happy that this experience hasn’t soured her – she’s always loved all things wedding and all things romance before!
Post # 13
She needs to call the bride ASAP!! That MOH is rude and I don’t think the bride would appreciate her behavior.
Post # 14
@MsGinkgo: did she ever talk to the bride.
it is fully within her right to do that.
Post # 15
Tha’s so unacceptable. So as a BM its your responsilbity to pony up oodles of cash if the MOH decides to throw and over the top party? Thank you Lord, I’m of an age where I don’t anticpate being asked to be in a bridal party. Cause I’d GO.THE.FUCK.OFF on that ass.
Post # 16
@ajillity81: I don’t think she has, but i get the impression through our convo that in talking to the MOH she is just filling the bride’s expectations