*Update* Mom kicking me out of my room so her bf can spend the night

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

Forgive me if I missed part of the story, but is there a reason that you can’t be following up on the apartment so you can move in right away?

Post # 5
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am so sorry, for the sake of your health, don’t go back! Your mother would manipulate you and treat you the same way. Could your FI help you pay for a motel? Why don’t you call the landlord as well, since the place will be both of yours? Tell your FI to step up, you need a place to live!

He needs to follow up ASAP. You need to communicate how urgent this is, don’t worry about nagging, he needs to do what he says he is going to.

Post # 6
Member
2431 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@moriah:  Agree, OP you need to take matters with the apartment into your own hands with this one. Be the lead point of contact so you know it’s getting followed up on. And make sure you talk to your FI and make sure he’s not dragging his feet for any particular reason (i.e. has he changed his mind and doesn’t want you two to live together before the wedding?) He’s probably just being forgetful and it’s nothing, but I would talk about it still. 

Also, start researching other apartments in case this one doesn’t work out, you obviously need somewhere to go and I don’t think you should go back to your mom’s. If you do I would not be paying rent when your other adult brothers are not.

Post # 7
Member
2431 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@echolove:  You should not be afraid to be confrontational with the man you are going to marry. I’m not saying you should pick a fight, but if he’s not doing something that he said he would, and the result is you are still essentially homeless, you need to speak up and make sure he does something about it or lets you get involved. No reason to walk on eggshells with your own FI IMHO.

Post # 8
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

@ChemistryBride:  Agreed with the idea to research other options.  I’m a landlady myself, and if I had a vacant unit with a good tenant ready to go, I’d be hustling to get them moved in.  Every day it’s empty is money lost.  If this lady isn’t responding, it might be a bad sign, so try to have some backup plans.

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@echolove:  Why are you leaving everything up to your FI? If YOU need a place to stay, then YOU should be the one finding one. I wouldn’t want to be dependent on anyone either, so I can’t blame you there (especially someone like your mom, given your description of her). I know there are three sides to every story, your side, her side, and the truth (usually somewhere in the middle). If you feel you can’t go back there, take the bull by the horns and find a place on your own. You are just switching dependencies from your mom to your FI.

Post # 11
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Don’t go back.  I would keep on the FI every day for the next few days, and if nothing then I think maybe you also need to look into your role in that relationship as well.  You need to stand up for yourself, and if your FI really knew how much it was eating away at your being, he should move mountains to get you both in that apartment.  And I can tell you that a landlord wouldn’t let another day go by with a vacant apartment, if they have the opportunity to rent it.  You said it’s his credit… are you sure everything is ok with his credit?  Your mom needs to get some help and if she can’t accept that she needs help, it’s up to you to remove that malignant presence from your life.  on a side note… why couldn;t her bf be staying in the bedroom with your mom.. or in your brother’s room?  I still stand by what I said in that no self respecting adult man would put out his gfs daughter.  Any real man would sleep in his car, the bathtub, the kitchen floor, before he would allow a woman to be kicked out of her own bed.  It’s wrong, its icky, and I don;t think very much of him at all either.

I’m praying for you, but I agree that you need to stand up for yourself and make some things happen.  Don’t allow everyone to decide when for you.

Post # 12
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry, but your FI should be incredibly concerned over the fact that YOU are sleeping in your car. My BF would NEVER let that happen to me. You shouldn’t have to nag, he should realize the severity of the situation especially since he’s telling you not to go back to your mom.

 

Can you look on Craigslist for a temporary/sublet situation for a month or two? Can you buy a $20 air mattress and stay at his parents’ house in a spare room to avoid the “moral” dilemma? Or stay on the couch?

 

I would be extremely concerned if my SO was not doing everything in his power to get me in to a safe and healthy living environment…

Post # 13
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Now I am pissed at your mom and your FI. WTF. What guy allows his fiancee to be homeless for even a day? FMIL could easily figure out a solution for you to stay for a few nights without any hanky panky going on. If it were my future daughter in law, I would figure something out for the short term.

 

Post # 15
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

OP, do you think there may be something your FI isn’t telling you about this whole situation with the apartment ? Something just seems funny. Have you ever spoken with the woman over the apartment yourself ?

Post # 16
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

@echolove:  I don’t know what the situation is with your father (or your employment), but is there any way that he would help you? I mean, it really sucks, but I think you may have to go to your mom’s and save some money up so you can at least rent a room in someone’s house (room and board). I am so sad for you, however, chin up, you’ll get through this. Why your FI is not doing more I don’t know … However, what you say about it makes him come across as a real jerk. I have never heard of such things.

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