- Ms Scarlet
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: February 2011
Hi hive! First of all Merry Christmas! It’s been a very long time, I miss this place so much!
Almost 4 months ago (it seems like it’s been forever!) I posted my last post was about my mom’s heart attack. That was at the end of August. I have to thank everyone that posted and PMed so many kind words of encouragement and I apologize if I never got back to any of you!
My mom spent a whole month hospitalized in the critical care unit and things were pretty dim during that time. The more we learned about her condition the more we had to come to face the reality that it was incurable and inoperable. Ironically, I have been freelancing and waiting for a decent job to come around most of this year but right when I have to leave the country 2 awesome job offers came on a platter. I turned them down-reluctantly- and some days I still beat myself up and cry over them. One job in particular I have been waiting for since last October (2009!). But at that moment I just had to go be with my mom because it seemed like it might be the last time I would ever be with her.
I abruptly left the US in September and didn’t return until October. I wasn’t prepared to be away that long so when my mom was stable I had to come back to NY and sort things out. Then I went back again around the end of October and stayed until the beginning of December. My SO was beside me the whole time. I admit that in all my other posts I complain about my SO not being compatible (in bed! drives me nuts!), being OCD, has annoying habits (aka porn), we fight like kids (cursing, name calling) and many times I admit I’m tempted to just leave but this past couple months I have seen another side of him that I never thought of.
During the first critical days (they say the first 72 hours are everything) after the heart attack my family was all there. We were mostly exhausted but we were supporting each other.
Before all this I used to spend a lot (I admit to hours and hours every day) on WB dreaming about wedding planning. I was a bridezilla and trying to micromanage every detail, blowing up on anytime anyone argues with me. When in my mom’s home town the internet connection was so bad but I learned that I could still manage to live without (gasp) getting onto WB every hour and that no detail really matters that much.
If anyone has followed my Angelica Glass post (possible 5 months ago) this is an incredible lesson of how you never know what will happen. Back then I had my freelance job and an extra gig popped up that would give me an extra $5000 ish by the beginning of next year. That would allow me to get my dream photog. Suddenly this event happens and I end up with no basic income for 3 months, and no extra income (since I wasn’t here for the extra gig) also I had to pay over $4000 for 2 round-trip tickets. Literally, my finance changed overnight and I am eating into my savings now. Suze (and whoever quoted her) is right…I actually think emergency funds have to be 6 months even!
On the flip side, I had over 2 full months of being with my mom and doing wedding stuff together. She might never be able to return to work which will be hard for her since she has worked all her life and staying home is depressing and lonely. So although she is not really physically healthy, wedding planning seemed to keep her distracted and energized. A lot of plans changed completely, we made decisions based on things she could actually go and see rather than seeking for “the best out there”. She became more involved and made decisions which seemed to make her so happy. Also unexpected long lost friends showed up to volunteer to help out as much as they can.
After 3-4 years of just planning for this event I fell in love with my image, but surprisingly it doesn’t matter to me anymore that the invites would be the wrong shade of green or that the flowers would not be calla lilies and the live band will be replaced by a string quartet playing classical music. I have to say that I am so lucky to still have my mom with me. Not only that but, although I’m broke, my parents still want to give me an awesome wedding! Life changes and might not always be ideal but I’m truly truly grateful for everything I have now.
Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and I’m back!