Post # 1
My Last Post I concluded:
” **I was trying to avoid this** But we have decided to extend our wedding weekend to begin with our catholic ceremony at the catholic church I temporarily attend (for school) then carovan with our parents & bridal party in tow to our family weekend in the mountains that ends with our originally planned wedding and mass in the hotel santuary. We’ll just please everyone.”
So I talked to my decan. The only details we gave him was that we wanted to be married on the thursday so we can celebrate with our out of town family and friends on Saturday.He said no. His reasoning was that I can’t have two seperate celebrations period even if there is only one official ceremony/wedding which would be the one held within the walls of the catholic church. I wanted to get married at the church on a Thursday but since they don’t want to allow me to have the wedding weekend/family reunion he says that the church wedding will be held on the Saturday. (This church is 2.5 hours away from the inn my family will be staying in for our family union/reunion).
Is the church I’m attending uncharacteristically stict? I thought they would be content with me having a catholic ceromony in the catholic church first, honoring the promise I made at confirmation. I didn’t think they would micromanage our post ceremony celebrations especially since my Fiance and his family are non-catholics.
I don’t like this debating. I know God will find a way and we will be married in his good graces, his way. Any words of advice?
Post # 3
I’m actually in the same boat, except my Fiance’s parents are the ones who want us to have a catholic wedding. My family is catholic but no longer practices. I would love to have a catholic wedding but they don’t allow you to have an outdoor ceremony. Our solution was to have our outdoor wedding as planned and our ceremony and to go to the church after to have it made official in the catholic church to “make everyone happy”. Not 100% sure of the details on going about getting married in the catholic church once you’re already married, but we’re attending a marriage preparation class soon and I will find out the details. Hope this helps.
Post # 4
That sounds super strict to me. I don’t understand why they would care about your celebrations after? I could understand them having a beef if you were having a civil ceremony first, and then attempting to have a Catholic ceremony after, but you’re doing it the other way around. Very odd…
Post # 5
That does sound really strict. You were planning to get legally married at the Catholic wedding on Thursday, right? I could understand a reluctance to do a religious marriage ceremony without it being a legally valid one, but as long as you’re actually getting married at the Catholic ceremony on Thursday, I’m surprised they’d have a problem with whatever you want to do on Saturday. I mean, some couples get married at Sunday Mass, I think… it doesn’t always have to be a big froofy wedding thing to be a valid sacramental marriage.
Have you thought about going to the Archdiocese? You have a canonical right as a practicing, confirmed Catholic to be married in the church. They’re not supposed to deny you the sacrament for anything that isn’t a real impediment to having a proper sacramental marriage… and this doesn’t seem like that sort of thing.
Post # 6
I think they really just don’t want you to have 2 weddings. Honestly, I think your church should work with you on this. It doesn’t sound like you have, but I would definitely avoid referring to the weekend celebration as a wedding… maybe that will go over better with the church.
I would play hard ball with them. At the end of the day, they should want you to be married in the Catholic church. If you skip the Catholic wedding, you’re just going to have to get a convalidation later. I don’t see why they are being so difficult to deal with when you are trying to do it right. I don’t know of any specific rules that dictate what your reception is like or when it occurs.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
Thats what I thought maybe they got to chit chatting and took some of our initial intentions out of contex. It seemed like such a simple solution.
But if it come down to it I’ll just bus my 70 guests and 18 members of the bridal party to the nearest catholic church (only 22minutes away, win) and back to the reception/lodging site.
I haven’t talked to them about it but you’re right, what we’ll probobly have to do is convince them that our intentions is not to have two weddings. We’re waiting for them to call us back for our next meeting.
Post # 8
This is what I found online last night when I was looking for ideas for music and readings:
May we have two separate wedding ceremonies—for instance, a civil ceremony and a Catholic ceremony, or a Jewish wedding ceremony followed by a Catholic wedding ceremony?
Church law forbids two separate ceremonies (Canon 1127) in order to avoid confusion. By definition, once you’re married, you’re really, truly united in marriage once and for all. It is impossible to get married again—unless the first marriage was somehow invalid. Having a second wedding ceremony would imply the first wasn’t “real.”
If a Catholic is married in a ceremony that is not recognized as valid by the Church, the couple may have their marriage convalidated—that is, they may celebrate the Catholic rite of marriage to make their marriage valid. In some cases, another option would be to request a sanation, in which the Church simply recognizes the validity of the marriage without a formal ceremony
Post # 9
@Merelymere: that depends on the country though.Canon 1127 states “It is forbidden to have another religious celebration of the same marriage” *but* you CAN have a civil and religious celebration depending on where you are
For example here in Mexico – the church ceremony (normally catholic, but of course there are other religions too!) is not legal. You *have* to see a judge seperately for your legal/civil bit. Whilst it is normally far far simpler (a few words, signing the papers with witnesses) – its the difference between being married in the eyes of God and the eyes of the law – you need both.
and i believe it is the case in other central/south american countries nearby and possibly france? The civil can be done before or after (often after, as the church ceremony is the “real” and most important) but it *must* be done. Its not like in the UK or US where you choose between a secular or religious legal wedding and its one or the other
Granted this isnt the case with the OP, but that information doesnt seem to be true worldwide. or am i misinterpreting it?
Post # 10
Nothing you have stated is a diriment impediment to marriage, and without a diriment impediment to marriage, you have the right to be married in the Church. He is not canonically allowed to refuse you that. To keep everyone happy, call the second ceremony a renewal of vows (which is technically what it is, since you are already married).
You need to point your deacon to the Code of Canon Law Section 1058 which states “All can contract marriage who are not prohibited by law.”
Post # 11
@newname_99: I have no idea what the situation is exactly in different places- we’re only having the one ceremony…I just cut and pasted from that Q&A from the website. I think it comes down to a particular priest/parish/diocese.