- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2013
My last post can be found here regarding the issues I was having with my BMs choosing their dresses: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/three-out-of-four-chose-the-same-dress-and-i-want-them-mismatched
Here’s the latest. I sent out an e-mail saying everyone but BM 3 was behind on the deadline to chose their final dress. BM 3’s dress was off the table as an option. I told them I need to know by the 16th.
Last night I spoke with BM 1 and BM 2.
— BM 1 “really, really, really” wanted the dress BM 3 chose and I put my foot down and said no, that BM 3 chose it well in advance and it’s her dress. So, she’s going with her first choice, with the cheapest seller. She’s confused about how to choose a color. I told them their options based upon the color chart on the website and she simply doesn’t get it. We were talking online so I’ll be speaking to her on the phone when she gets back from her vacation to walk her through this…
— BM 2 actually e-mailed me last night quite snottily saying she wanted to know everyone’s choice so she can “finally choose.” I said, “There is no need to wait and base your choice on what everyone else chooses. All the dresses work together – I made sure of that. If you wait to choose from your final three (and your second option is out, since BM 3 has chosen it) then you may loose out on your first and third choices. Claim them while you can.”
Then, tonight, I spoke with BM 4 on the phone. I am so hurt by how this went. And feeling…embarrassed. She said, “Honestly, I don’t like any of those dresses. I can’t and don’t want to choose any of them. You said to choose which dress we want and I don’t want to choose any of those.” While we were on the phone she sent me 13 other options via e-mail and they are nothing what I want. Strapless, built-in push up bras, so short I’d see too much of her. I told her that’s not the look I want.
She then says, “Well, I don’t want to buy online.” When all the BMs and I spoke about how this process would go, I made sure everyone was OK about ordering online and would’ve made arrangements if someone didn’t. But, I felt like she was suddenly playing that card because I wasn’t giving into the dress style she wanted to wear, especially since she initially said she didn’t have a problem with it AND because during the phone conversation she kept sending me alternative choices that can only be ordered online. I said I’d happily pay for alterations myself if the dress she ordered was ill-fitting. I’d even pay for sending it back, if it came down to that. She then said, “Fine. Send me an e-mail with the dresses that are left. I’ll try to pick one I can tolerate. I have to go.” And she hung up on me.
I know the style of dresses – half/three-quarter/long sleeves and to the ankle or a bit above – is not everyone’s style, but it’s the look I want. And all of the dresses are very different in style where I thought there’s something that all four of them would like. Some have lower necklines, are tighter, are looser, have lower backs, sparkling embellishments, etc. She’s lucky I’m not making all of them wear fru-fru, cliched, hot pink gowns!
I e-mailed her the dresses that are left. And I told her which of them I think she’d look great in, because I honestly think she would. I also said that while I’m sorry that she doesn’t like the choices and that I don’t want to be a bridezilla who dictates, this is the look I want.
I thought I was being nice giving them so many options and now I feel taken advantage of. This has been a learning experience.