update on bff who didnt say hi or bye at my wedding! you gotta hear this

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@kenya.latham.1:  Sounds like he was holding out the hope that you would ditch your FI at the last second and tell him he was the bees knees and that you are meant to be together.  When that fantasy didn’t happen and you exchanged vows with your now husband he finally realized you and him are never going to be together and it probably hurt.  I would give him some time to heal and let him decide if he can truly be friends with you now that you are married.

Post # 4
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@beachbride1216:  +1. My thoughts exactly.

OP, sounds like he has feelings for you

Post # 5
Member
11731 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

From what I gather (sorry, I had a hard time following your post), your friend has some really hurt feelings. If he truly was your “Best Man,” wouldn’t you have ensured that you had a photo taken with him?  I made sure a photo with each attendant was on my must-have photo list, because it was important to me.  Also, I know a lot of guests try really hard not to bombard the bride because everything is so chaotic.  I sought out all of my guests, and my photographer was always nearby to snap photos. 

I think because of how things went at your wedding, he now thinks you’ve prioritized your marriage over your friendship with him, and he’s hurt by this.  If you want to continue the friendship, I think you need to show him that despite being married, his friendship is still important to you.

I also don’t think he was trying to make your wedding all about him.  He didn’t make a scene at the wedding, and did tell you the ceremony was beautiful.  He waited until after so he could talk about his feelings with you.  I think your assessment of him making it “all about him” is unfair, since he is just telling you his honest feelings.  If he truly is one of your best friends, he should be able to do that about any situation, whether it’s wedding related or not.

Post # 8
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@abbie017:  I agree.

I understand his discomfort, OP. Did he not bring a date? 

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@kenya.latham.1:  To be honest, it sounds like you gave him the title of “Best Man”, but didn’t treat him like one. He spent no time with you at your wedding? My MOH was with me from 9:00 am until I left around midnight. He knew no one? Did you not allow him to bring a guest as a member of your wedding party? How did he not know that he was supposed to sit at the head table if he was in fact the “lead” member of your bridal party?

I’m curious to know what he was actually tasked with in regards to your wedding.  I’m getting the impression that you are probably as much to blame for this misunderstanding as he is.

Post # 11
Member
11731 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kenya.latham.1:  I’m not saying that your husband shouldn’t be your number one priority.  I’m saying that you clearly made your best friend feel uncomfortable at your wedding, and don’t really seem to care.  Putting all the blame on him right now makes me think this isn’t something that just came up at the wedidng, but that you’ve continually made him feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in your new life as a married woman.  Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you still can’t make your friends feel like you value and care about them.

Post # 12
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

@beachbride1216:  +1

How did you respond? Did he have a plus 1?
How was his behavior pre-wedding but post-engagement?

Post # 13
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@kenya.latham.1:  Honestly, this friend would be way too high maintenance for me.  It’s a wedding, he should know that the bride and groom are crazy busy that day and if he wants to spend time with either one that day, he needs to put in more of an effort.

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