Post # 1
So, wow, what a discussion yesterday huh hive?
Thank you so much for all your support and opinions on this ridiculous email we received (although coming from an understandable place).
While many of you suggested we just reply: ‘we’ll take that as a no”… my FI had already responded explaining how everything she had said was so hurtful, and that if she didn’t understand that, then he wasn’t sure what else to say. She actually responded with a quite reconcilatory tone:
“I’m sorry that my views on weddings offend you, but these are my views on weddings in general, not my view on your wedding in particular. You’re right I probably should have kept these thoughts to myself. I’m sorry I hurt you. I can’t pretend to understand why all of this is so important to you, but it clearly is, and you are important to me.”
So, obviously this changes things quite a bit. FI is willing to forgive her….but yeah. That all hurt quite a bit. Not so easy to walk away from. He doesn’t really know how to respond. I think maybe just an ok or something short. To me it seems like she doesn’t really get it. He says given her personality, that’s probably as close to an apology as he’ll get.
I still think we don’t invite Joe though!!
Post # 3
good! glad she apologised…and glad you’re still standing your ground!
Post # 4
Wow. I guess that is an apology. I can see though that she just doesn’t get it, especially the “I can’t pretend to understand why all of this is so important to you, but it clearly is, and you are important to me” comment.
It is not for her to understand what is important to you or your FI.
Ah, good luck with that!
Post # 5
I’m glad she apologized too, although it wasn’t a very good one. She’s certainly entitled to her opinion on weddings, but I don’t think it’s her place to let you two know that your wedding is not how SHE thinks they should be. Personally, I don’t think you even want this sort of personality at your wedding!
Post # 6
And this is why we should all THINK before we act, eh?
Maybe just responding with, “Alright, thank you for your thoughts” or something really blah like that.
Post # 7
I’m going to have to agree with ejs4y8. I would respond in a very non-descript way. If the friendship will be saved, let it be done after the wedding. Who needs that kind of drama??
Post # 8
That’s like when my husband apologizes by saying “I’m sorry that you got mad at me” WTF? I would leave it all until after the wedding. I still say NO TO JOE!
Post # 9
@ KateMW – Thats exactly what I was thinking. It drives me crazy when FH says something like “I’m sorry you’re mad”. Um, don’t be sorry I’m mad, be sorry for the stupid thing you did to make me mad!!
I was really hoping this girl would come to her senses and offer a real apology but clearly thats not going to happen!
Post # 10
Wow!! That is one crazy situation! Why do weddings bring the crazy out in everyone?!!
I say just invite Joe and move on! I find that when we take a stand during our wedding planning it’s those “stands” we often regret later on! We come to realize that it wasn’t worth all the hurt!
Just my two cents …
Post # 11
I’m still on team “No Joe”. If FI is important to her-she’ll show up and shut up. Just write back “thank you-I appreciate the email and we hope to see you on our special day” and leave it at that.
Post # 12
Whoa– I never saw that one coming! That actually sounded like a genuine apology. For someone who made her original opinion so vehemently known, I would say it is significant that she wrote this. Personally, I would lean towards making amends. But importantly, you are well within your right to just cross her off the friend/invite list. Your day should be drama-free and you don’t need her spoiling it with negativity or passive-aggressive comments.
On a related note, I have a friend who would receive scathing then sweet emails from a particular person. True story– turned out she had dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities). Just sayin…. ;o)
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace
It’s pretty surprising that she actually admitted that she was harsh, but that still wasn’t exactly an apology…I agree, I think you should send her a short email back saying something non-descript and allowing her to come if she so chooses, but her behavior definitely wouldn’t warrant an invite for Joe from me!
Post # 14
well i guess thats the closest thing to apology you will get. I would leave it as, you are invited and your dude is not. I hope you still come to celebrate out marriage.
Man I hope she gets engaged REALLY soon – then her perspective will change a bit!
Post # 15
haha, thanks guys. Yeah it’s kinda a tough one I feel like. It’s a semi-apology from someone who is apologizing for the hurt, not what she said. FI would like to calm the waters so to speak, and doesn’t really want to invite Joe at this point, but at the same time, doesn’t necessarily want to be a dick about it…
oy. weddings, huh? I think maybe we should just say, thank you, we hope to see you at our wedding. And then if we do actually have extra space maybe include Joe, but if not, no sweat. Thoughts? Some of you vehemently think we shouldn’t invite Joe at this point?
Fi wants to say : OK, I appreciate that you recognize what you said hurt me. You are, of course, entitled to your opinions, as I am to mine.
Post # 16
I would invite Joe just to move past the drama and to be the (WAY) bigger people in this situation. You can re-evaluate the friendship with her post-wedding.