(Closed) Update on daughter who lies..

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you are covering all your bases. It is promising that you made appointments with new therapists. I think she might need something beyond behavioral psychology, but it’s a good first step. I agree with a previous poster in your other thread that she might benefit from working from an attachment perspective. Some psychiatrists are trained in this but others only diagnose and prescribe. I am a child psycholoigst- again, I am happy to chat more if you’d like! Take good care of yourself and try to do things that will replenish you throughout this process.

 

Post # 4
Member
1554 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow… im glad you got her a new therapist. Good luck with everything 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

From an outside perspective, it seems like she IS fazed by your son’s refusal to speak to her, if she keeps trying really hard to get him him to and knocking on his door. It’s good that you’re going to try a new psychologist for her. Is this someone who specializes in dealing with kids who lie a lot?

Post # 7
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

@TexasSpringBride:  that’s great that you found such a comprehensive place. I find it interesting that they didn’t agree with a female therapist. Transference can sometimes help repair. Then again, if they have a behavioral model they wouldn’t work with transference much so that makes a bit more sense if they plan on only focusing on behavioral interventions (reinforcement, antecedents, behavior, consequences).  But what I like the most about this place is that they seem to be flexible. I am sure the first few sessions will be consultation and assessment anyway, so that is a good time for them to work on a formulation, or theory as to why she behaves like that, and then set her up with a diagnosis and treatment plan that will target goals set by you you and her father. If you ever need or want other resources in the area, let me know – I can refer you to a few places as well.By the way, I agree that you made the right call by not taking her to the detention facility, for the reasons you listed and also because it might trigger feelings of abandonment. 

 

Keep us posted!

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am sorry to read that you are dealing with this. Just wanted to say that this little girl is so very lucky to have you in her life. You’re clearly quite dedicated to her wellbeing. I hope she eventually realizes all you have sacrificed and done for her.

Good to hear that you’ve found another therapist. Big hugs to you and your family!

 

Post # 11
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m glad you have a plan in place to go forward.  And, her response that she’s felt sorry for herself for 3 days is kind of worrying.

It sounds like you may be found something that will feel like a punishment to her when you reward the other kids.

I hope that the new therapist(s) can come up with a new plan that will put her on a better path.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

@TexasSpringBride:  I agree – family therapy is incredibly effective (you get the most out of it because everyone is there and you can address dynamics). She is at a great age for it too. Once you get into 15 and up it’s a little harder to engage them in family therapy.

I think there are a lot of strenghts in this family and if I was meeting you all for therapy I would feel very hopeful. The power of care and concern and huge and extremely protective.

Now – what are you doing to take care of yourself through all of this? It sounds like you and DH have very good communication and are supportive of each other, which is great. Just make sure you carve some time in your day to try and clear your head if you can :-).

Post # 14
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

@TexasSpringBride:  That’s really, really wonderful. Enjoy your date night! Harleys and dinner, how fun 🙂

Post # 15
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I think this is a pretty positive update. At least for the first time she is feeling some remorse and acknowledges her behavior was wrong. I think you absolutely need professionals to help get to the root of her behavior but there were some really insightful comments on the last couple pages of the previous thread so I hope you saw those. One girl really explained why she had behaved similarly. I hope this new team is able to help you and your family!

Post # 16
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Been reading through both threads , and just dropping in to leave you some encouragement. It’s obvious you really love your daughter and I can only imagine how exhausting and tolling all of this is. It really sounds like you are doing everything you can and exploring all your options for the benefit of you and your family. You daughter and other kids are blessed to have a mom that jumps through hoops to make sure they  grow up and are loved and will lead healthy lives later on. Go you!

 

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