- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
So yesterday morning I went in for the reading of the results of my bone scan… They were… sadly… Good… I know it sounds VERY odd, but I wished they were bad…. Even though it would have meant MAJOR surgery, it would also mean that I would walk ‘normally’ for the rest of my life (IE: Perhaps with a limp, but not an OBVIOUS deficiency). I was actually disheartened by this news… It also put into my head that the news I “wanted to be bad” was good, so the news I “wanted to be good” would be bad… Yes ladies, my brain works in STRANGE ways… I came home to dwell on my “good news” and get some laundry done…
My mom came to get me around 2:15pm. At that time I popped the Lorazepam that was prescribed to me for my absolute fear (and I don’t mean… Oh she’s scared of needles…. OOOH NO! To me a needle is TERRIFYING!) of needles… My appointment was for 3:00… We get there at 2:45, which is when they told me to arrive to get checked in… I was checked in and waiting well before 3.
Finally around 3:30 they came to get me, my mom started to follow. The nurse looked at me, than at my mom and said “she can’t come back”… WOAH WOAH WOAH! The lady (another doctor at the facility) that did my ultrasound told me that my mother COULD be in the room with me, which was part of what was keeping me somewhat calm (the Lorazepam wasn’t working). So the nurse looked at us again, and told us to follow her, we went to a smaller waiting room… They gave me a robe and had me change (in a little changing room off the waiting room)… No big deal, we all have boobs, and mine are covered under this robe *shrug*… The terror started setting in when the nurse once again says “she can’t come with you, the surgeon won’t allow it, we just asked her”.
They took me into this little closed room and asked me all the typical “admission” questions… First and last name, date of birth…. The ‘surgeon’ walks in… She was my height (in flats), frizzy haired, normal looking woman (no doctor gear whatsoever) in HUGE PLATFORM WEDGES! WTF LADY! YOU WANT TO STICK A GIANT NEEDLE IN ME WEARING THAT SHIT AND YOUR HAIR ISN’T EVEN TIED BACK!!?!?!?!! She checks my heart, lungs and blood pressure, all of which she said ‘sounded normal’… In my opinion, I felt my heart racing, I don’t think that’s ‘normal’! She then proceeded to explain why my mom couldn’t come in, by this time 4 people had already explained it, and she asked if she should explain it to my mom, I say “she’d probably appreciate that”. She leaves the room…
A few minutes later there is a tapping on the door, which I assumed indicated it was time to go… I walk out of the ‘admission room’ and look down the hall to my mom, who looks as terrified as I feel doesn’t move, that’s my indication that the doctor convinced her that I would be fine…
We go into the room where they are to do the procedure… There’s an ultrasound machine, bed, and a strange contraption in the corner… Me being me walks the whole way around the bed to get into it (on the opposite side of the ultrasound machine), and happen to look to the left… I swear I had a friggin’ heart attack; I had accidently set eyes on the biopsy needle/machine… That is NO SMALL NEEDLE! The super sweet ultrasound nurse quickly realizes that the needles are all uncovered so she quickly rushes to the corner (not thinking I saw them) and covers it all up *thank you for trying*. She sweetly shows me her hands and says “no needles, do you mind if we start your ultrasound?” I was like sure whatever lets get this over with, I’m already freaking out… She asks me to show her the location of the lump I felt, and I explained how if she pushed hard enough with the probe thing she would ‘skip over’ the lump, which she found, and did.. She gives me a funny look and says she’ll be right back…
She comes back in the room after reviewing my ultrasound from 10 days ago… The ‘surgeon’ comes in (still frizzy haired and platformed) and takes over the ultrasound probe… They both get quizzical looks on their faces… The ‘surgeon’ says “did you unwrap the needles”? The ultrasound tech “they’re still in their sheaths, but we have a procedure tomorrow”. At this point I don’t know what is going on, nobody is talking to me… The concierge lady (the one who is with you through the whole procedure) starts holding my right hand, I start to freak… The ‘surgeon’ says “could you get her mother please”. I felt a wave of relief. They were letting my mother come in.
(Apparently when the concierge went to get my mother, her exact words were “we’re not doing it, would you please come here”… My mom told me that she had a mini heart attack because she figured she’d walk into the room and I would be hanging from the rafters… Yes, my needle fear is THAT bad)
With my mother, surgeon, ultrasound tech, and concierge in the room, and nobody talking to me I started getting leery of what was going on (nobody told me they weren’t doing it)… The ultrasound tech looks at me and says “we can’t find the dark lump that Dr 10daysago found; it could be that you were at a different point in your cycle and it’s a hormonal lump”. To be completely honest, I don’t know what I felt at that point… I don’t know if I was scared, happy, sad… I really, really don’t know.
So all in all, the biopsy didn’t happen, but they want me back in 6 months for a review, and another scan to be sure that it’s still gone… I hope it’s nothing and this random mass stays away… The outer lump, is still there (it’s also under the skin), they say that is just thicker tissue because I am still so young to even be having breast scans done, and it’s a ridge of fatty/fibrous tissue.
Ladies, please ALWAYS be sure to do your self breast exams, even if it winds up being nothing, it’s still better than missing something that could devistate your life.
Edited to add in spaces, I swear they were there!!