- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Last month my SO and I had what I’m calling The Talk, which was stressful for both of us and did not go quite as I’d hoped, although it wasn’t awful. Find it here if you’re curious.
So, after getting extremely upset about him saying that (after 3.5 yrs together) he needed more time to think, and that things would happen “sooner than 5 years from now,” I talked to him about those things again. –Mostly about the statement he made: “I’m a very careful person and I need more time to think” about if marriage was a good idea. . . OMG I freaked out about that. So I asked him if he really meant that the way it sounded, because it sounded to me like he wasn’t at all sure about wanting to be with me even after being together for more than 3 years. The answer was no, he didn’t mean it to come out that way at all, and he DOES want to be with me and spend his life with me and someday get married. Just right now he’s getting his new business off the ground while working almost full time at his old job, and he needs to get that stuff more settled before he feels ready to think seriously about getting engaged. Which I can understand and respect, even though I would love to be engaged now, before I go to grad school at the end of August. . . but that’s probably not happening. I’m OK with that, but when the time is right in a few months I think I will make it clear that I really do want to get engaged soon, and I really am OK with a long engagement (it seems like he has a lot of trouble getting his head around the idea that an it’s OK to be engaged for a long time– 2 or 3 years– and that I would tolerate that). And that once I’m done with grad school, I will be supporting myself and contributing to our home together so he’s not going to be the only one with the responsibility of our house! Basically, I don’t feel a need to be MARRIED until 2 or 3 years from now (esp. considering that our families stupidly don’t like each other, making that aspect of things super nerve-racking) but I would LOVE to be engaged.
Phew. Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there, and let everyone who thoughfully responded to my panicked post about “the talk” know what happened. And to tell everyone who’s been through something like this that sometimes, our men really don’t say things quite right, and it is worth it to talk about things repeatedly even if it scares the pants off you, and sometimes it really is necessary to cool off, wait, and then ban the engagement/wedding talk for LONG periods (like months, not days or weeks!). 🙂
I’m still impatient though. . . I think soon I’m going to go on a jewelry window-shopping trip by myself just for fun. . . ;D