- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Thank you bees for the kind words and prayers.
Here we are 9 months later, and I was finally emotionally ready to get back on here and give you girls an update! I really wanted to come back on here and finish the story…especially in case someone else in my situation stumbles on to this thread at some point.
I’ll start with a short update…and put more details below for those who find themselves wanting to know more…or sadly in the same situation.
Yes, we DID go through with the wedding as planned….and it was one of the most difficult and beautiful things I’ve ever done. We were surrounded by so much love it’s really hard to describe.
A cool moment before the wedding. My SIL brought me my mom’s jewelry boxa couple days before the wedding , so I could select something to wear for the wedding. I chose a gold heart necklace I remembered her wearing since I was a little kid. Randomly tucked into the jewelry box were two glass stones…Red and Teal. Our exact wedding colors. My brother ended up carrying the stones in his pocket for the ceremony (he did our wedding…and it was fantastic) and then for weeks after. Heartbreakingly, the stones fell out of his pocket on a roller coaster weeks later, but he later got a tattoo in those colors so he can carry them forever 🙂
My grandma (Mom’s mom) arrived early at the getting ready room and announced that she would “do all the things your Mom was going to do.” Sounds blunt, but that’s how Grandma rolls…and it was perfect. I really did just need someone to take charge at the point!
She’s this little 4’11” dynamo and she was just buzzing around all day and telling her own love story to all the girls (who thought she was hilarious!) and just loving all the attention she got as my special guest. I just love her so much.
We just got our photos back last week (a friend photographed and we had a couple technical difficulties along the way). I’m honestly OK with it because I really wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with the pictures till now. I still haven’t gotten to look through them all, but what I’ve seen is great. I can’t wait to get some of them up in our house.
We did a beautiful remembrance table for her at the wedding. We had a photo of her with me the day I got my wedding dress (the last picture I have of the two of us) and added framed photos of her dancing with my brother and with my SIL at their wedding 5 years ago. We also had a little guestbook for people to write memories or notes about her (mainly for her family and friends, since the funeral was going to be after the wedding.) Amusingly, quite a few people wrote us random “happy wedding!!! wooo!!” kind comments in there…which mom would have found hilarious. We of course, kept them all” Several well meaning people (both IRL and on here) suggested leaving an empty seat for her…but that was something we decided not to do. It would have been way too hard to see. So my grandma proudly sat in my mother’s place.
We had done RSVP cards with a spot for people to write in a song. My mom was so excited she flipped her card over and made a list of six songs (all fantastic) and made sure to mail it to us early. I am so glad she did. We made sure to include them all.
My dad (parents have been divorced since I was 10 but on good terms) made a beautiful toast/speech at the beginning of the reception that briefly welcomed everyone, thanked them for coming and gently reminded them that this was a night of celebration (I was so worried people would be coming up to me crying/saying awkward well meaning things all night) which was very kind of him.
The honeymoon was bittersweet, we had a wonderful time, but of course there were moments where we both found ourselves in tears, as it had still only been less than two weeks at that point.
These days: My husband has been my biggest supporter through it all. Our friends are amazing. Our families are amazing. One of the most humbling and beautiful experiences of my life was the way my in-laws were there for us the night we got the news (we were on the way home from dinner with his parents when we got the call). They turned their car around and came to our house and walked our dog so my honey and I could just have a minute.
Overally, I’m honestly doing really well these days…of course I miss her a lot and some days are harder than others…but truly, life does go on. My dream job (which my mom was so excited for me about) is going well.
It’s so weird that there are so many things in my life now that she hasn’t seen/heard about. Sometimes I still instinctively think to call her when something big happens, but it’s getting less and less. It still hurts to think that she will never meet her grandchildrens or see the house we moved into in July. We got a new puppy in November and are excitedly hoping for a 2015 baby.
It’s funny in retrospect how little some of the wedding details mattered…and absolultely wonderful how beautiful the time with our loved ones turned out to be.
In case you feel like reading more…
I’m going to try not to ramble too much more , here. For anyone who finds themselves in a difficult situation like this I have a couple of thoughts. Everyone is different…but these things helped me.
1) let people help you. never in a million years would i have imagined my bridesmaids would be doing my laundry (and yes, she insisted…she is amazing..and i NEVER would have asked. She truly is amazing.) and sitting just being with me the days leading up to the wedding. We sent out an email to all the girls to help me managed the last wedding tasks my mom was planning to help me with. My good friend (and photographer) from out of town helped me so much the last couple of days, and my then husband to be found himself wrapping bouquets on our living room floor (something I never would have otherwise asked of him! lol)
2) It will be hard, and it will be beautiful and probably some other things too and that is okay. Such a mix of emotions that’s indescribable, but I truly did enjoy my wedding day. And that was okay! Yes, I was heartbroken, but it was a day to celebrate and that was okay!
3) it is okay to say no! To offers of help that aren’t helpful, to wedding tasks you’ve decided aren’t worth it, to suggestions for remembrance ideas (maybe you think having a picture of the lost love one is tacky or emotionally too much? Maybe you don’t want an empty chair or a certain song? Speak up!), to returning the phone calls/texts from people who aren’t your closest circle checking on you. I had a backlog on my phone for weeks!
(Edited to fix broken link)