(Update) SO of 5 yrs broke up with me- I'm not 'the one'

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@AussieSummer:  i would tell him to stop emailing, texting or calling you.  tell him that you would appreciate some time alone.  if he doesn’t stop, block your # and/or email.

Post # 4
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This isn’t fair to you. It sounds like he is playing with you and it would probably be best for you to have a clean break! 

 

Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

yikes. He’s obviously unsure what he wants and if he should have broken up with you. Sounds like all the notes and flowers are him trying to keep your attention and not let you move on just yet, as well as letting himself try to work out his own feelings. Seems like he just doesn’t know if he should let you go or change his mind and ask for your forgiveness. If you want him to stop, I would politely tell him that you need to focus on yourself now and that he needs to leave you alone so that you can move on. 

You need to decide if you would want to take him back or not, should it come to that. At the very least, you guys seem to have some things you need to work on before you should get back together. It might be best to cut your losses and move on. But that is all up to you and your situation of course. Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@AussieSummer:  He is being EXTREMELY unfair. Tell him if he wants space and time to think he has to stop contacting you. Set a date to talk after his exams and then do not even open any emails from him. I know it’s difficult and he’s just making it more so. 

Post # 7
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@AussieSummer:  I agree with pp. and it also sounds like he’s not getting the reaction he wants from you. Like, sobbing and crying for him. You should tell him to workout his issues on his own and to leave you alone so you can hse this time for yourself. Switch up on him and tell him you need to be with someone who knows he wants to be with you and you don’t have time to play games. 

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

This isn’t being fair.  And, you are clearly standing your ground (Great job!) and he’s starting to realize that he may lose you.  Stay strong!  Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

One of the many things I love about my FI is that he doesn’t play games. I was with someone who broke up with me, then was confused, then wanted me back, then saw other girls behind my back. I’m not saying that’s the situation with your guy but you definitely deserve to be treated better. 

Post # 10
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Ok so this happened to me too lol we were only together 3 years but he said he needed a break we still talked to each other and in less than 2 weeks we were back together– in that time we both realized that we can’t be without each other which has been a good experience for us both (Actually). We don’t even recognize this in our “yearly count” and now we are engaged to be married!! 

 

 

Not sure if this is the same situation for you but it could be?? 

Post # 11
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Sorry to hear about what you’re going through.  This sounds heartbreaking.

 

I agree with others that his back-and-forth is selfish and just hurting you more.  I agree with lia’s statement that if he wants space and time he needs to stop contacting you.

 

Best wishes to you, and hugs.

Post # 12
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AussieSummer:  Tell him that you deserve time to yourself and to please stop contacting.  It’s clear that you are not valued by him.  I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 13
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@abirdword:  Well said.

@AussieSummer: It’s sad that you are dealing with this. I would ask him to stop the back and forth nonsense, and tell him that he can’t have it both ways. He has to be in or out. I am sorry you are hurting. Hang in there- better days are ahead. 

Post # 14
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AussieSummer:  Hi, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have been in a similar situation, he didnt think I was the one, left, then kept getting in contact, giving me hope etc. Eventually I told him I couldnt cope, I told him if he knew for sure he could contact me until then I didnt want to hear from him. The first 2 weeks were awful, I felt numb and no where near as poignant and controlled as you come across! 
But after that things looked up, I realised I could finally feel comfortable in myself as I realised part of me had always known I wasnt quite what he wanted. I finally found piece with myself, met my FI, was engaged 6 months later. (which funnily enough was when the ex decided he wanted me back…)
My point I guess is that some day you will probably look back and realise that this was a good thing you will no doubt learn something about yourself that will make you a stronger woman and one day you’ll be able to look back and realise what an idiot he was giving up an incredible woman. “What doesn’t kill you” and all that 😉

Post # 15
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Thanks for the UPDATE

Ok, I hate to say this… cause it may very well not be true for your particular guy / relationship.

So take this all with A BIG GRAIN OF SALT

BUT this back & forth crap is beginning to sound a lot like another Bee that went thru this a couple of months ago with her guy

This is what she discovered…

He had cheated on her.  Then he felt guilty about it.  And not worthy of her, so he decided to break it off, cause he felt it was the right thing to do (most fair to her).  Then he realized he couldn’t live without her.  So he did this whole back and forth… yes, no, stay, go thing for a couple of weeks… Before she ultimately found out from him (tearful confession) what was really going on.  She was of course heartbroken / devastated.

Which I suppose is WHY some men’s magazines on the topic says that if an unmarried guy screws around only to quickly figure out he did the wrong thing… and may have effed up his chances at forever love with the perfect girl … he shouldn’t confess, but rather immediately accelerate his intentions to the perfect girl.  And go on to live a good life with her forever and always… lesson learned.  No harm no foul.  BUT in reality, men say they get eaten up by the guilt towards the perfect girl, and so end up confessing.  Knowing (actually truly expecting) that she’ll dump his ass right there and then !! And he wouldn’t blame her.

I cannot for the life of me recall what happened next… thinking they ended up going to counselling… which is WHAT every good Relationship Expert / Marriage Therapist would be suggesting / recommending as the natural next step if the 2 love each other…

Cause ya believe it or not… a guy who slips like this oftentimes is forever faithful afterwards having learned a very valuable lesson about himself, his relationship, the perfect girl, and his capacity to love

Lol, then of course, there are lots of women… who wouldn’t issue a 2nd Chance Ticket no matter what, and they’d be gone so fast, the guy’s head would be spinning !!

— — —

I’ll go see if I cannot find that post.

I hope for your sake, that isn’t what is happening with your guy… as it means a lot more personal pain / grief for you

But it would explain what otherwise looks like irrational behaviour on his part.

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 16
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds to me like y’all broke up and now he’s playing with your emotions.  If you’re trying to move on (as I FOR SURE would be in this situation), you need to tell him to leave you the f**k alone so you can move on with your life. 

Are you still hoping to get back with him? Because although that could definitely change things, still if you have an ‘official separation’ for now, he needs to respect that, especially if he’s the one who instigated it.

*HUGS*

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